Are You Embodied? How to Know.

I am writing this newsletter at 10pm during a dark rainstorm twenty-four hours before getting on a plane to Europe for three weeks. It’s sort of shit timing. I normally don’t stay up on my computer this late.

My friend Saadia happened to call just now and I answered (overwhelm avoidance) and she absolved me of my fantasy—the one where I have it together enough to prepare for a family trip and not feel stretched in 4,456 directions, to maybe lie in a hammock because the bags are packed, house scrubbed, plants watered, dogs sorted, bills paid, fridge cleaned out and the work tied up in a bow. Because that would be truly embodied, right? Ah ha, I do know better! I’m tired. I’m having fun putting these words on the page but I’d rather soak in an epsom bath at this present moment. I think I strained my psoas from not inhaling or exhaling fully the last few days. And I noticed it all. Every last little sensation. Oh, there I am holding my breath. Ooop, there goes the frustration heat up my neck. The grip of my jaw. The easy sparkly bubble laughter with Saadia. I just texted her (in real time) to say, “Our convo, turns out, is the topic of my newsletter!”

Somehow, 8 minutes into my conversation with Saadia, I brought up longevity and how I want to learn to stand up from a cross-legged position without using my arms or hands or knees, only my feet. That that is a mark (or so I read) of physical joint health. On the phone, she says, “I’m getting on the ground right now to try it.” Suddenly we’re 2,000 miles across the country from each other and both on the ground. I call my husband over. “Let’s see if Chris can do it.” It’s night-time and all through the house not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse, and he’s looking at me like, What are you asking me to perform right now? Please do this, I ask. He sits on the floor and stands right up, using only the edges of his feet. Less than one second.

I can’t even.

“Saadia, we have to train for this,” I say.

“Train?” she says and pauses, “……………..That is so you.”

Laughter quickly followed by my rapid-fire orienting: “But, but, but… he never gave birth or had pelvic surgery or dealt with hormonal weirdness.”

We decide we are happy for him. Really Truly.

I decide (again) that I’m done being a martyr, and really truly, I’m very close to that being true.

BOTTOM LINE. Embodiment looks many different ways and, for everything I say in the podcast, I also want Chris’ kind of embodiment. I want to stand up like that. I want to make space to learn how to do that again. I’ll keep you all posted. Training starts tomorrow, except that tomorrow is vacation and I’m trying to relax and not “do” anything. Can training be relaxing? Oh the wormholes. We. Shall. See.

Reminder: After this paywall, you’ll find 1) my personal edges with the making of that week’s episode, 2) three prompts for you to navigate deeper with the episode’s theme, including a sweet resource to help that process 3) six personal photos of my life to share how the theme has been alive for me, 4) one free 2-hour LIVE Monthly Mammaling workshop too!