Waffling Is The Worst. 🧇

From 2014:

7 yo: I feel sick and I am tired and I don’t want to go to school.

Me: (I kneel down and feel her head.) “You don’t have a fever, so you are going. I will let your teacher know that you are feeling iffy and that if you want to come home, to call me right away.”

Her: And you will come get me?

Me: Immediately.

Her: (Hugging me) Okay, Mom.

And I will. I will get her right away.

What I didn’t do:

1) Tell her how she felt.

2) Ask her if she wants to go

3) Waffle around

4) Push her away and get angry or annoyed

What I did do:

1) Take her seriously.

2) Make her feel secure by preemptively telling the teacher she didn’t feel well.

3) Get on her eye-level, look her in the eye, and listen

4) Hugged her hard

When we get stuck in reaction, rather than response, it is easy to lose our alpha. What is alpha? It is our natural parenting position of being in charge, leading the pack, knowing the next move (even when we don’t). Alpha is leading, even when we aren’t sure. Alpha is more of a feeling than an action and alpha definitely doesn’t waffle (well, it does waffle here and there because…humanity and all.)

If waffling (not making a decision when you need to and allowing the child to jump in the lead) is an infrequent reflex for you, you’re good. Keep on keepin’ on.

If waffling feels like your go-to parenting life and you are miserable, let’s take a look at that.

Some questions that can help you understand yourself, while also staying kind to yourself: