What It Feels Like to Be Ripped a New One on Letterboxd

Buckle up, folks, this one is gonna get vulnerable. I’m taking a month off from my therapist while we shoot the new movie, so you’re gonna get the brunt of it haha.

We premiered our newest micro-budget feature, a sci-fi adventure called Gargantuan, this past Wednesday in Atlanta. It was such an incredible experience. A packed house. 250 people from all parts of our lives. Friends. Family. Loved ones. The cast and crew, not only from this movie, but from the past 15 years of making movies. I couldn’t have been more thrilled.

And then I woke up the very next day to two one-star reviews on Letterboxd.

Now, here’s the deal. I LOVE when people take the time to engage with our movies in any way: write about it, review it, share it with the world. It doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative. People all have their own opinions and experiences and tastes. And art, by definition, means not everyone is going to like it.

The same kind of personal life experiences that connect us to our favorite movies can also cause us to be offended by our least favorite ones. The only thing I can control is the making of the thing, not how it will be received.

One of these reviews was actually very well written and well thought out and made some wonderful points about the history of Kaiju films and our attempt to hijack it. I get that the fandom is strong and I super respect that and actually learned a lot from his review.

But then these particular reviews shifted into personal attack, including some claims about how I treat, pay, respect, and take care of my crew.

Should it matter what some strangers think? The people in my life have seen me prioritize the well-being of my collaborators for 15 years now and that’s what matters. So, I decided not to respond to their reviews or to reach out and try to defend myself. I’m not going to rebut any of it here, or push for the reviews to come down.

But my goal is to always write about the filmmaking journey with authenticity and transparency. And, as difficult as it is, bad reviews and personal attacks can be a part of the journey. Especially in this wild west world of indie film today.

So, let’s start there.

Micro-budget or NonDē film isn’t Hollywood. I’d go as far as saying it’s a completely different art form.

Think of it in terms of music. Hollywood is like being a studio musician. You make good money. You have a creative outlet. But (with a few exceptions) you’re often just playing what you were told to play.

The micro-budget movement is like being in a garage band. You won’t get rich, but it feeds your soul. You get to connect with your bandmates on a deeply personal level. You get to create and build and write and influence the sound and have a voice.

I spent two years of my life making this movie. I’ve spent countless hours bringing it to life. I hired each member of this cast and crew personally (and yes, everyone was paid). I have worked SO incredibly hard to showcase the work of the incredible humans who came together to tell this story. And the day after my premiere, when I should be finally celebrating…

I’m writing this Substack with tears in my eyes.

I’ve gotten bad reviews before. So why does this one hurt so much? Is it because it was so early? Literally the day after we put it out into the world? Is it because it’s so personal? I can’t think of a time anyone’s ever attacked me online before (which I guess I should be grateful it took this long!).

I’m also embarrassed. Why am I allowing these people to steal my joy? Why can’t I just put my fingers in my ears and sing “la la la la la?”

But I think there’s something deeper.

I pride myself and find so much of my identity in being a filmmaker who respects and prioritizes our cast and crew. That is ME. It’s how I define myself. It’s who I am in my core. And now it feels like that’s tarnished, like someone is trying to strip it away.

Ironically, it’s also what Gargantuan is about. A group of young adults who have a single purpose in their life (to defend their city from giant monsters, obviously) and are trying to piece their lives back together when that identity is taken away.

And while we don’t necessarily try to provide an answer for that, we play with the idea that other people can’t take away your value. I can live my life according to my values, but that doesn’t mean everyone will see it or accept it. It doesn’t mean they won’t misunderstand it or attack it. Just like you can’t control how people receive the movie, you also can’t control how people receive you.

But they don’t get to decide my self-worth.

They can’t take my identity away.

Anytime I deal with something in this industry that is difficult or painful, I know other filmmakers are dealing with it too. And I write this Substack for the same reason I write movies: to help people feel less alone. And if you’ve gone through a similar situation, hopefully you’ll find some healing in my openness.

Making art is vulnerable. It is putting yourself out there. Not everyone respects that vulnerability. You will occasionally be ripped to shreds. It will hurt. BUT what’s the alternative? Not putting yourself out there? Keeping your art to yourself? Telling more generic stories so it doesn’t feel so personal? It’s tempting.

But then, after reading these negative reviews, I got to this one written by my 15-year-old niece:

“i loved everything about this.”

And it makes me tear up everytime I read it. It makes me remember why we made this movie. It’s for the people who will remember this experience for the rest of their lives. People who need this particular message in this particular moment. People who might be inspired to go make their own art.

I’m sure this won’t be the end of the journey. We are JUST beginning this run. I imagine we’ll get more audience members who will not connect with the film at best and be offended by it at worst. I’m equally sure it will always be difficult to bounce back from those negative comments.

But I’ll remember a line from the film. When the characters are at their lowest, Cleo, one of our heroes, says:

“If we can show other little girls that even their heroes can make mistakes, be taken advantage of, can get knocked down and get back up, maybe they’ll believe that they can too.”

Love you guys! Stay safe! Be kind to your artists! ❤️