Surely one of us was bluffing

Last week I asked my chat participants if they had any burning questions (about writing or living) that they’d like me to address in a post – an idea that was meant to steer me away from the things I’m writing about in my “real” writing (did that work? Jury’s still out.) About thirty questions were submitted, all filled with the wild vulnerability that has become the culture of the chat. I tried to respond with just as much candor.

And meanwhile, Lisa Hanawalt remains our Beguiler for a couple more weeks and thus we humbly remain in her service, pointing our favorite “thick/bear-ish/fat” men and masculine people in her direction (and other body types as long as vibe and smell are good.) Right after that Beguiled #1 post I did what most of you wanted to do and asked Lisa to come over to my house and hang out with me! But then she got sick! So we just texted instead. Here we are discussing one of the people she beguiled, someone we were both impressed by.

All right, here’s the reader question; please give share your related thoughts in the comments!

I have a living question. I recently found out that my ex who I separated from in August is already in a committed relationship and co-parenting with someone new. I’m happy that he’s happy but it also makes me want to hold even tighter to my current boundaries. I am not interested in comingling my life with someone else. I am dating someone who I enjoy, respect and admire deeply and we have great sex. I’ve made a promise to myself I’ll only spend 2 nights a week with this person and the rest of the week will be divided by my hobbies, my friends and alone time. Is this a mistake or am I on the right track? Just wondering if you too have considered making such strict rules and whether it’s paid off or if you let them lapse eventually?

thank you,

Strict in Seattle

Dear Strict,

I don’t let them lapse eventually. My last relationship ended largely for this reason, after three heavenly years. She wanted more of a “regular girlfriend”, if not a wife, and I felt like two nights a week was the right amount for me — like you, I have four nights without my kid and at least one night I want to spend with a friend and then one night alone. She was lonely the other nights a week and I meanwhile was starving for alone time, same as always.