Last year, J got me an entire gardening bed to solely dedicate to growing dahlias, something I had mentioned wanting to do for a long time. They’re my favorite flower. So last fall, I eagerly dove into research and prep, to learn how to grow them properly. I ordered specific varieties from a couple different dahlia farmers during their pre-order sales for spring that felt even more competitive than sample sales in NYC back in the early 2000’s.
The spring gardening season was absolute warfare. Between bugs (the bad kind) and various plant stress issues, largely thanks to the abnormal 3 extreme heat waves before hitting mid-June plus a surprise freeze in May, it was ROUGH. A chipmunk dug up and destroyed the one tuber I was most excited about and had the audacity to not even eat the full thing (only a singular nibble and discarding it, which only added to the insult).
I emailed with the dahlia farmers I purchased from, who assured me that I was doing everything I could in my power and that my utilization of integrated pest management was sound, but sometimes mother nature (especially when understandably pissed off) just wins. I resigned myself to knowing that my dahlia plants would likely not produce that well this season, and it was what it was.
Then a few of them started to make an unexpected comeback, thanks to a stretch of temperate weather. Eagerly awaiting the buds to see those first petals unfold, I checked them every morning.
Then suddenly some very purple leaves started poking out of two buds.
I didn’t order any purple dahlias.
I stood there and just laughed. Because I know this loop, this rhythm, SO WELL.
The theme of so much of my life, manifesting in this exact process. The symbolism of this honestly makes me laugh because the irony really knows no bounds.
Life can be like this for everyone at times, to be sure, but life with chronic illness is a life OF this.
Using every bit of energy and wherewithal you have to do everything not only correctly but also going the extra mile to mitigate potential curveballs, only for your body and your life choices to laugh in your face. It’s like looking at both sides of the streets to make sure no cars are coming, but then a plane drops from the sky onto your head as you step into a sudden sinkhole filled with snakes.
As the flower bloomed more, stretching its petals into a flower I would not have chosen to plant and nurture, I felt the similar loop again. So much of my life in the last several years has been about paths cut off in front of me and finding myself redirected to another path entirely I would not have picked— but if this is the one path I get, I’ll do my best to make it my own while also not having to convince myself of any easier sacrificial beliefs in faith that it was meant to be this way.
I don’t mean this in a saccharine when life gives you lemons way, I mean the ability to simultaneously hold space and acknowledge that certain things are not of your choosing and it being okay to not trying to convince yourself otherwise, but allowing yourself to also enjoy the unexpected. We don’t need to put a bow on it to make it digestible and to find peace with living within the constraints set upon you.
I find much of the time that because we humans are so terrible at sitting with discomfort, we’re quick and eager to immediately look for some confirmation or certainty. If something doesn’t work out, if someone leaves, if someone dies, if someone doesn’t change, its much more freeing and easier to chalk it up to maybe it was meant to be this way or they’re in a better place or they’ll realize it one day.
It’s harder to acknowledge the sometimes ugly truth that sometimes bad things happen, they weren’t meant to be this way, and it simply isn’t fair.
This is something I also think about a lot with our shared circumstances with where our world and politics are currently at.
A lot of us are hoping and wishing for the day the champagne corks fly, but the reality is, is that the purple dahlia has planted. It’s blooming. It’s taken nutrients from the soil, altered the biodiversity around it, and needs tending to because the other option is nerfing it. There is no swapping the tuber out now and starting anew, it’s too late to reset and it’s not possible to treat the soil as if nothing happened. We have a different starting point now, and must contend with what happens next.
We will need to work on rebuilding the soil, seeing what deficiencies it has, and address those, before we plant again.
Edited to add: several hours after writing this section yesterday, Benny had his second rehab session for his spinal issues that went really well and he conquered his fears to walk on the water treadmill, which was a disaster the first time—I was a proud (crying) mom. A few hours later, we had to take him to the emergency room because he couldn’t move, lethargic, was shaking, and his stomach hard as drum— several signs of bloat, which dog owners know is a death sentence if medical attention isn’t administered ASAP. Thankfully, the vet felt confident it was not bloat, but as it turns out his spine seized up yet again. The irony of what I wrote about in the opening of this newsletter sang in my ear again, as he seemingly got injured doing all the right things while trying to help his injury. Again, no tidy bow to end this passage with, but moreso just a nod at the truth of the ever-revolving door of shit that is adulthood at times!
Instead of diarrhea lettuce summer, it’s tomato basil summer over here. Turns out that basil really loses the plot when it takes off in the summer as a healthy plant and it’s impossible to keep up with the jungle: I’ve made basil simple syrup, basil olive oil freezer cubes, basil salt (probs my fave so far), tons of it in my 5-ingredient sungold pasta, and several rounds of pesto. The pesto slathered on my GF sourdough bread, topped with fresh sungolds and basil salt? Disturbingly good.
Been able to enjoy cut flowers nearly every week over here and it’s felt so rewarding!
Abdul El-Sayed won in a close race for the Democratic nomination for Michigan’s open Senate seat that we need to regain Senate majority these midterms. It was a resounding confirmation that Dems need to embrace more progressive candidates and that the Mamdani effect is not contained to NYC. It was a big win against special interest PACs (Haley Stevens received $62 million from outside groups, half of which was from AIPAC, and outspent El-Sayed 9:1. And lost.). He will face Republican Mike Rodgers in the general.
More progressive wins in Michigan: William Lawrence beat two other Democrats for the nomination to challenge incumbent Rep. Barrett in the general, and Donavan McKinney unseated Rep. Shri Thanedar.
For the Governors race in Michigan, Dem Jocelyn Benson (current Sec of State) will face off with Republican Rep John James — this is to replace Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, who is term-limited.
In Missouri's 1st Congressional District, establishment Dem Rep. Wesley Bell won a rematch against former Rep. Cori Bush, the more progressive candidate.
Virginias Senate race will be Democrat Mark Warner (uncontested) versus Republican Bert Mizusawa.
Really unfortunate that Washington’s Third district voted in Marie Glusenkamp Perez (versus a more progressive Brent Hennrich) to advance to the General, as she’s often been a breaking vote from the Democrats to vote with Republicans in the House.
Chipotle has pulled jalapenos from some locations as there is now a salmonella outbreak that has sickened 110 people.
Yesterday, the state of New Mexico sued the Justice Dept and Todd Blanche for blocking the Epstein probe.
A little refresher on Todd Blanche.
Blanche has now cleared his path to the Senate vote for the Attorney General position (due to Sen. Tillis and Sen. Cornyn securing the abolishing of the weaponization fund for Trump and clearing the committee vote…. not because they want justice for Epstein survivors). Republican Sen. Collins has said she would vote against his nomination, but TBD on other Republicans rumored to be on the fence.
There was also leaked audio that Todd Blanche wants Dobbs to be permanent in every state. That’s right, nationwide abortion is on the agenda for this incoming Attorney General, aka Trump’s personal lawyer.
PSA: Courier Newsroom has an incredible interactive database to do your own research and reading on the Epstein files, and has been doing some very timely reporting.
ICE has set a record of 51,000 arrests in July. ICE agents in plainclothes are also arresting people near gates and check-in counters at airports throughout the country recently.
OpenAI, ChatGPT’s parent company, hosted a luxury brand trip for some influencers in the Hudson Valley at a hotel known for…environmentally-conscious practices and being a nature-y retreat. Some thoughts on this:
Central Europe is enduring another heat wave, with Slovakia and Austria hitting record high temperatures. This is the third record broken for Slovakia THIS summer.
A wayward SpaceX rocket slammed into the moon. Elon is even littering and destroying things outside of our planet!
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