Welcome to Cereal Killer, my weekly dark comedy domestic thriller about marriage, resentment, and the suspiciously violent potential of breakfast.
Every Friday, I’m publishing a new chapter here on Substack.
This is the story of Marla Sharp, a woman who begins every morning watching her husband, Graham, eat breakfast and imagining increasingly creative ways he could stop doing that.
Permanently.
It starts as a private fantasy.
A harmless little pressure valve.
A mental doodle with spoons.
But marriage is a strange pressure cooker, and breakfast is full of objects that look innocent until you stare at them for too long.
A toaster is not just a toaster.
Porridge is not just porridge.
And a cereal bowl, in the wrong marriage, can feel less like crockery and more like foreshadowing.
Cereal Killer is:
dark comedy
domestic thriller
absurd British fiction
marriage warfare with breakfast items
not a cosy crime novel unless your idea of cosy involves emotional rot and a suspicious kettle
Think: ordinary British domestic life, but the cutlery has started looking a bit too useful.
Chapter 1: She Wished He Was Dead — coming Friday 29 May 2026
Chapter 2: The Cornflake Incident — coming Friday 5 June 2026
Chapter 3: Porridge Has Motives — coming Friday 12 June 2026
Chapter 4: The Toaster Looks Guilty — coming Friday 19 June 2026
I’ll update this list every week with live links.
The latest chapter is: [I’ll add latest chapter link here]
New chapters are published every Friday morning.
There will be 15 chapters (ish) plus an epilogue… plus… maybe some surprises…
So yes, this is a proper serial, not me flinging one chapter into the void and then pretending I never mentioned it like a cowardly Victorian ghost.
This is fictional dark comedy with murder fantasies, domestic resentment, absurd violence, and very inappropriate uses of breakfast objects.
No real husbands, wives, neighbours, delivery drivers, therapists, or bowls of cereal should take this personally.
Especially the cereal.
Want each new chapter by email?
Subscribe below, then make sure the Cereal Killer section is switched on in your Substack subscription settings.
Bring coffee.
Trust nothing on the table.
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