A billionaire from Cedar Rapids named Mark Walter seems to be in a bit of a jam, and I'm not too sympathetic

I don’t much care for billionaires.

Is it envy? No, I really don’t think so. I couldn’t handle having a private jet. My carbon footprint is more like someone who tracks dirt into his house.

I sure don’t want a $75 million mansion combining timeless European-inspired architecture with resort-style luxury. Some folks aren’t cut out for fru-fru. Besides, how am I going to reel in a spider who is crawling on a soaring double-height ceiling?

I’ve gotten by without a private helipad all these years. Who wants to add clutter?

Landscaped gardens? Don’t need them. Fabulous fountains? Don’t want them. Yacht-mooring facilities down at the marina in my heavily guarded rich man’s fortress? I sure don’t want to suffer the same fate as Gilligan, Skipper, and the other five castaways.of the S.S. Minnow if I hire someone to take me out on a 3-hour tour.

So, no, it’s not envy for Richie Rich. It’s disgust.

As I’ve stated here before, I don’t think there should be billionaires. You get up to a net worth of $500 million, you’re pretty much set up for life. If you have another half-billion in your checking account, go change thousands of lives for the better. You’ll still have all the things you need and all toys you could want, and maybe one of the people you pull out of poverty will go on to create a disease-curing vaccine that will be rejected by those who think whooping cough is no big whoop.

Pro sports is infested with billionaires who are, uh, interesting. I’m talking owners. Like Stan Kroenke, who moved his NFL Rams from St. Louis to Los Angeles 10 years ago.

The Rams had left Anaheim for St. Louis in 1995 after St. Louis and the state of Missouri forked out $260 million to build the then-Trans World Dome. The team had to pay a modest rent of about $500,000 a year in its 30-year lease, but a clause in the deal said the team could vacate the lease with a year’s notice if the stadium lost its status as a “first-tier” NFL venue.

When the two sides went to arbitration over what “first-tier” required, an arbitrator sided with the Rams. St. Louis wasn’t willing or able to fork out $700 million for upgrades. Ciao, NFL.

I’m not going to spend space detailing the efforts St. Louis made to keep the team or the lawsuit settlement Missouri native Kroenke made with the city, but let’s just say it was one of the worst public sports-financing episodes in our nation’s history.

Being an NFL owner is a license for rich people to get even wealthier no matter where their franchises are located. Kroenke could have lived the rest of his days just fine with his team in St. Louis. He took it to Inglewood, Calif., where it now plays in $5.5 billion SoFi Stadium.

The Rams are making beaucoup bucks and all is well. Except for Kroenke seeking about $400 million in reimbursement from Inglewood, arguing that the city was obligated to cover certain infrastructure improvements tied to the stadium site and surrounding Hollywood Park development. Inglewood is disputing the claim.

Forbes magazine estimates Kroenke’s net worth at $24.3 billion, putting him among the 125 richest people on the planet. The 79-year-old also owns Arsenal of the Premier League, the NBA’s Denver Nuggets, the NHL’s Colorado Avalanche, and Colorado’s franchises in Major League Soccer and the National Lacrosse League.

He likes his sports. He likes his land. He has over 2.7 million acres across the U.S. and Canada. Philanthropy? Not so much. In 2018, Forbes reported Kroenke had donated a total of about $1 million to charity over his lifetime, less than two percent of his net worth at the time.

Walter owns 27 percent of the Los Angeles Dodgers. He led a consortium that bought the team in 2012. The Dodgers have money. Every time they need a superstar player, they buy one. Or even when they don’t need one.

Walter and a partner purchased 27 percent of the Los Angeles Lakers five years ago. Last June, Walter bought majority control of the franchise for $10 billion. Last week, he agreed to sell the Lakers to Bob Iger and Josh Kushner for $12.5 billion.

Good business, right? A $2.5 billion profit in a year’s time. Really good business, right?

Sure, but is it just coincidence that Kushner is the brother of President Donald Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner? Is it just coincidence that Walter is under federal investigation for tax fraud? Was Walter just being a good patriot by presenting Trump with an engraved championship ring in July when the Dodgers were feted at the White House for their second-straight World Series title?

If you want to know more about Walter, I strongly suggest you read this recent story at TheRinger.com. And not just because it links to a 2012 feature I wrote about Walter for the Cedar Rapids Gazette.

Mine was a puff piece, by the way. In 2012, all I could tell about Walter is he was a really rich guy living and working in Chicago who stayed quiet and grabbed a really large American Dream. I tried to reach him for an interview, oh yes I did. I made three tries. I even went to the 60-story Franklin Center in Chicago where his Guggenheim Partners is headquartered. I got as far as the security desk, explained who I was and why was there, and was soon headed back out onto the sidewalk.

I wasn’t roughed up, mind you. Still, my feelings were hurt. I couldn’t understand why a guy wouldn’t want to talk to his hometown newspaper. Among the people I did interview who were in his Class of 1978 at Jefferson High School in Cedar Rapids was his prom date. It’s not like I was working on a hit piece.

What has always happened in my sportswriting career is anyone who hasn’t cooperated with me or was less than cordial with me has ended up facing some sort of hard times. Even billionaires. I don’t make the rules, they just exist.

The feds looking into tax fraud? That doesn’t sound good, even if you can get in someone’s good graces by selling the Lakers for the highest valuation in pro sports history.

Monday, a story broke that Walter and fellow billionaires Todd Boehly and Hansjorg Wyss are considering selling their 38.5 percent minority ownership of Chelsea Football Club in West London to majority owner Clearlake Capital. That wouldn’t be a $12.5 billion deal, but it would still involve 10 digits.

When you’re being investigated by the US Department of Justice for over $21 billion in loans that are alleged to not have been disclosed to state insurance regulators, maybe you just want — I don’t know what you want. I wasn’t a business major in college.

Billionaires are not like you and me. You don’t really need a vivid imagination to envision yourself with a million dollars. A brilliant invention, some super-savvy investment moves, a rich grandmother who favored you over the rest of her offspring’s offspring, and you can go get yourself a mansion with a landscaped garden and fabulous fountain.

But a billionaire? That’s someone with a least a million bucks a thousand times over. That’s insane money, and my guess is it requires somewhat-insane people to amass it. The names Musk, Zuckerberg and Bezos just floated through my head for some reason.

Would you trust any billionaire to be the commissioner of your fantasy football league? He’ll win the title every year by hook or by crook. If you complain about him being late for waiver claims or making a trade after the deadline, he’ll just buy you out. Or hire someone to do something to you in the shadows that’s far worse.

Nope, I don’t much care for billionaires. I’d add “So sue me,” but one of them would probably do it.

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Barry Piatt on Politics: — Behind the Curtains is one I’ll single out this week. There’s so much other good stuff on a variety of topics.