Sam Neill > Lindsey Graham

Hey, Folks!

I’m currently preparing for my run of Shit Arcade in Edinburgh this August. I’ve got something along the lines of 90 cartridges and discs that I’ve got to pack for an international trip, as well as backup emulators on a computer and a MISTer. I’m trying to do a few different games every show, so I’ve got to pack basically a whole suitcase of toys. It’s really going to look suspicious, which is wonderful. I’ve got a lot of paperwork to prove I’m not shady, but I’m still excited for customs to search that bad and ask with tears in their eyes how I got to this point.

Why not put that there like an internet ad, eh? Why not indeed.

I’m incredibly nervous for the run. People keep telling me, “Hey, don’t worry if there’s low attendance. That happens a lot to shows without a big celebrity name attached.” But that’s not my fear. My fear is doing the show for a packed crowd that stares at me in silence until one person stands up and points, screaming, “He’s a phony! Hey, everyone! Everyone, look! A phony and a fouler!” Then someone would come up behind me with a wire hanger shaped into a loop and that’s the end of old Mike Drucker.

I don’t think the chances of that are super high, but you never know.

Sad, tragic, one of the best actors to ever do it.

Happy, funny, one of the worst people to do nothing to help the world.

Sam Neill never felt like he was playing Sam Neill. His characters are so different from each other that it’s almost shocking. He’s filled with wonder as Alan Grant in Jurassic Park. He’s filled with horror as John Trent in In The Mouth of Madness. He’s a puppet for evil in Event Horizon. Those are the movies that first come to mind although he’s been incredible in everything from Peaky Blinders to Merlin, a miniseries I haven’t seen in decades and intend to watch again.

It’s a little bit of a cliche to say that actors disappear into roles. And, to be fair, whenever Sam Neill was in a movie, I’d think, “Hey, it’s Sam Neill!” But he could play such a wide variety of characters while always grounding them or inverting them through his (initially) calm exterior. He had an ability to surprise in every role, to deliver something you weren’t quite expecting.

The man was a singular talent. For me, and a lot of my generation, or even a lot of generations plural, we first knew and loved him in Jurassic Park. That look of wonder on his face as he sees real live dinosaurs will always be imprinted on my brain as one of the best movie scenes of all time. I’ll miss seeing him in things but I love that he’s still got movies coming out this year.

No, but it felt funny to drop the Ghostbusters logo here.

Yes. Yes it is.

If it’s funny, add them to my will. Every solid burn gets one free video game from the big DVD binder.

No. Let’s be honest: It would not affect anyone’s day. Not even myself writing questions in the second person.

Sure, what’s on your mind?

You and me both, buddy. I’m getting real tired, and in a way that goes deeper than the muscle. I don’t give a shit if Google Docs wants to change that “real” to “really.” Autocorrect would suck far less if it understood colloquial phrasing. I dunno. We all gotta keep going. If life has proven anything for us, it’s that it’s fun to outlive bad people. Maybe the point of life is outliving bad people!

More exercise? More water? Stretching in the morning? I’m trying. I’m trying.

No, don’t be.

After that news story about the rich people in the Peter Thiel secret society where they talk about building cults and shit, I wrote this silly thing for McSweeney’s. It’s one of my favorite short bits I’ve written in a little while. It’s called, “My Critics Are Missing The Nuance Of My Membership In The Wealthy People Hunting Poor People For Sport Club.” That pretty much tells you what you need to know about the bit!

That’s all I got for today. Hope you’re doing well! May God help you.

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