hi there! welcome to midnight, a small corner of the web where you can find a collection of my thoughts, learnings, and discoveries - coherent or otherwise. ...
i've been thinking about this a lot lately. i haven't been able to function properly. working and socializing has been getting harder and harder. i feel paralyzed, not being able to complete what i'm supposed to do despite knowing i'm responsible for all of that. i've just been crying or sleeping despite knowing that the deadline is getting closer and i might lose what i have if i keep doing this.…
평소의 덥고 쨍쨍한 날은 오늘 나의 텅 빈 것 같은 기분이랑 잘 어울리지 않아서 비가 내리기 시작했을지도 모른다. 인생을 여태까지 악착같이 살아왔고, 거의 쉼없이 달려와서 그런지 오늘 하루는 아주 무기력하게 보내고 있다. 그렇지만 무슨 일이 생겼길래 이렇게까지 느껴지는지 물어본다면, 나도 모르겠다고 대답할 것 같다. 뜬금없이 발생한 문제나 심각한 어려움이 없기 때문에 이것은 호들갑만 떨고 있는 것 같은 것도 알고 있다. 그냥… 힘들다. 아무리 노력을 열심히 하더라도, 인생은 내 뜻대로 안 된다는 건 이제 분명하게 느낀다. 나에게는 친구라는 존재가 없다. 대학교나 직장에서 만난 사람들은 있지만 그 사람들은 아는 사람일 뿐이지, 친구라고 하기에는 어렵다. 하지만 항상 이랬던 것은 아니다. 예전에는 나에게도 친한…
this is a theme i've been running into quite a few times in the past year or so. i've been trying to make efforts to improve the quality of my life by: going out more, either touching grass or attending community events meeting new people (to try to make new friends) sleeping (a bit) earlier moving my body more et cetera et cetera. you get the gist, right. but sometimes it feels like life gets in…
it's been over five months now since the last time i posted something here. it's not like i haven't been around during those five months - in fact, i've been lurking in bear's discover feed or checking bear roll every other day to read new posts. i've been wanting to come back and write something and yet i had not been able to do so, until today. i thought about why writing a new post feels so…
it's been more than a week since i made the attempt of screaming to the void about the fact that i miss the old times . i wasn't expecting more than a dozen of readers, but i did put my email there, so maybe three or four people would reach out to me? if that. little did i know that over fifteen people would actually take the time to write to me! and for that i'm thoroughly overjoyed and grateful.…
this morning, i went to bear's discovery feed as part of my morning routine and stumbled upon this entry: BRING BACK EMAILS AS A FORM OF COMMUNICATION (hi peige!). reading it makes me want to scream: I MISS THE OLD TIMES SO MUCH. i remember being in elementary school and having two things: bad english, and the privilege of occasional internet access. i don't even remember how i found out about the…
books the giver - lois lowry foster - claire keegan songs in my head - stray kids matilda - harry styles 2011 - 5SOS 흰수염고래 - YB, covered by han jisung goodbye - kim seungmin shows our unwritten seoul [미지의 서울] when life gives you tangerines [폭싹 속았수다] family by choice [조립식 가족] the price of confession [자백의 대가] poems Cracked by Nell Aurelia I’m cracked. Completely. I fell into the furnace long enough…
i am an avid reader. or at least, i used to be able to call myself that. i once read an article written by James Clear which stated that "[t]he key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first." i'm going to take that identity and give it back to my current self, in the hopes that i'll be able to get back to it and enjoy it as much as i did. not that i don't enjoy it now…
i wrote this post a week after i saw my grandma at the hospital, and forgot about it entirely. she passed away last week. if you're reading this by any chance, it would be nice if you could take a moment to wish her well, or to pray for her. — i saw my grandma last week. it seemed that she didn't—couldn't—recognize me, or if she did, i couldn't tell. she was just laying on that clinical hospital…
my grandma was admitted to the hospital a few days ago because she had a fall, and turns out there are a lot of complications following the fall. she's been receiving one treatment after another ever since, and i'm flying to see her today. we don't have the best relationship, but we talk once in a while and she talks my ears off when we do. it sometimes becomes exasperating when it's no longer…