My Social Battery Prefers a Slow Charge

The older I get, the more I like being home. My social time budget is smaller. The thought of hurry or noise, or even sauntering around at an event, sound draining, a toll on an emotional energy budget that is smaller than ever. It takes longer to recharge after each thing too.

I’m getting the best sleep of my life. So, I’m not exactly tired. (I’m sorry to those who haven’t found menopause to be that way. That struggle is real for many of my friends.)

But the idea of some environments is exhausting even when I’m at full energy. I find myself prioritizing ease, comfort, chill moments, and cozy environments. I don’t feel depressed. I don’t feel unmotivated or withdrawn. This isn’t a symptom of something being off. So, why do I feel that way sometimes? As if there must be a diagnosis for this desire to spend time in isolation.

As my mindset shifts, it feels abnormal in a go-go-go society. The stigma is so real that when I turn down some opportunities to be with family (kids, grandkids, my favorite people), I overanalyze and think there might be something wrong with me. I’m probably making up the judgment from others in my head.

But it feels like I live in a world made for extroverts.

This week, my husband, whom I shall name Grandpa FOMO, accepted a last-minute invitation to go to the local fair and out to eat with our kids and grandkids, and I stayed home. In that time, I finished up some tasks that were lingering on my priority list, watered the flowers and grass, and wrote a blog post.

Could I have dropped everything, changed clothes, and put on makeup in 30 minutes? Yes. He did. Well, not the makeup part.

But Grandpa FOMO and Grandma Stay-Home are two different personalities. I already know that the weekend will be packed full with a family reunion out of town, a parade, a meal with the whole family, church, etc. That’s already a full and beautiful life! I didn’t need to add one more thing, especially visiting the cows and bunnies in 82-degree August heat.

Our six grandchildren are the most adorable and sweet. But I’m naming the right to balance life how we need to in midlife and beyond. I show up differently for them when I’m at my most energized. It wasn’t about the flowers or writing a blog post being more important. It means I’m looking forward to the weekend rather than beginning it already depleted.

Saying yes to comfort doesn’t mean rejecting or not loving family or friends. Can you feel the weight of that assumption? Perhaps you need to say it aloud too? It’s OK to discern your needs. It’s OK to do things differently from someone else.

What does discerning look like to you when the next invitation comes? If you choose quiet and coziness, does it come loaded with emotional baggage?

Set it down. You’re allowed to.

Neither Grandpa FOMO nor I socialize the right way. We’re just wired differently. He enjoyed salsa and chips with his chimichanga in a boisterous environment, surrounded by ten loved ones while I ate quesadillas I made at home at a table set for one.

And now, we’re both ready for a fun weekend with family.