Mum's the Word

After a hot, dry September and early October, I began to wonder if we would have fall at all. Or if we would go straight into winter!

But this past week has brought much-needed rain and cooler temperatures to St. Louis. And while I have loved the extra flush of summer blooms from my azaleas, hydrangeas and roses, it is comforting to see the fresh pops of fall color in the form of chrysanthemums.

In my Tower Grove East neighborhood, many front porches, steps and yards have been rejuvenated with pots or plantings of these hearty flowers that can take cooler night temperatures. Deep crimson, antique gold, bold yellow, delicate lavender and pure white are all popular choices. It cheers me just to look at them.

On my walk this morning, I mused about how chrysanthemums are called “mums” for short — and how the phrase “mum’s the word” is a fitting one for fall. Mums truly have the final word in fall flower fashion.

But that expression, “mum’s the word” typically connotes something else. Like “to keep something secret” or “to stay quiet.”

The word “mum” as a term meaning “silence” has been traced back to 14th- and 15th-century texts, but was popularized by William Shakespeare, who used a variant in Henry VI, Part 2. The villainous priest John Hume is advising the Duchess of Gloucester — in a scheme to effect her eventual public humiliation and downfall — when he tells her to “Seal up your lips, and give no words but mum.”

This past week, I’ve been reminded in multiple powerful ways that staying quiet — keeping “mum” — is not an option in our current climate. We are witnessing a growing circle of our citizens being rounded up for jail and/or deportation. Watching farmers struggling to stay afloat with crops that no longer have markets and wars that drag on as body counts climb and infrastructure is destroyed. We are seeing hard-working people furloughed or let go, unsure how they will feed and house their families in the days and weeks ahead. Not to mention looming health care insurance cost increases that will price millions of people out of coverage. And on and on.

It is overwhelming, all of these happenings. Unimaginable. Soul crushing. And yet, I am not always sure of the right or best way to object. To use my voice to disagree as well as to let people know that they are not alone. That I’m with them.

Because to me, these are not political or partisan issues; they are human ones. And my soul, my very being, aches for the pain of it all. For all of this fear and this suffering, so much of it, in my opinion, needless.

Do you feel that way, too?

Then you might be heartened, as I have been, to hear some examples of people who are not staying “mum.” Who are letting us all know how they feel in support of each other and of our ideals as a democracy — one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all — and of our one and only planet.

These people give me hope. And inspire me to speak up, too.

Meet Vivian.

We spend so much of our time as parents trying to model behavior for our young children. Teaching them to be polite and mannerly. Kind and generous. Questioning and thoughtful. Brave in the face of hardship or injustice. We don’t always get it right, but the intent is there. For every jostle and bump, the journey continues forward.

How humbling, then, to find myself learning from my child’s good example.

My daughter Vivian is a senior this year at Occidental College in Los Angeles. It’s a small school, with an enrollment that is slightly less than the one at her high school in Liberty, Missouri. But she chose it precisely for its size — hoping for a more first-name-basis-type experience with faculty — its diversity and its urban setting. Of course, the weather in perpetually sunny LA didn’t hurt Oxy’s cause, either.

I have loved watching her grow and develop friendships and experience so much there, with people whose backgrounds include so many countries and cultures and ideas different from her own. She met her partner — who is Jewish — the first week of freshman year. One of her sophomore-year roommates is Palestinian.

This past weekend, it was inspiring to watch her and her friends organize to get their message out during Homecoming weekend at the college. Oxy has been a school that traditionally encourages students to investigate, think and formulate their own opinions. To speak out. But under a new president, there have been some real efforts at curbing student speech. And at least one disturbing instance of security guards laying hands on and even hurting several student protesters outside the stadium during that president’s inaugural speech. Three students — two people of color and all heavily reliant on university financial aid — were disciplined, resulting in two suspensions.

Peaceful protests like encampments — allowed by the prior administration — have been effectively destroyed by new rules that don’t permit semi-permanent structures or protesting between midnight and 6 a.m. Additional rules prohibit “spontaneous” protests — students are required to “book ahead” and they can’t use amplified sound or disrupt the regular functions of the college… all of which seem in conflict with free expression and the right to protest.

So I was proud of the way these kids didn’t give up. How they attended this past weekend’s session featuring Board of Trustee members in conversation with parents and quietly — but powerfully — shared their message of peace with banners from the balcony. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t aggressive (although being loud or even aggressively loud is certainly within their rights!). Just a group of passionate, determined college students letting people know where they stand. And starting some much-needed dialogue.

I was impressed and touched by their spirit.

Who else is inspiring me right now?

Two weeks ago, I had the pleasure of attending the Missouri Library Association’s conference in Chesterfield, Missouri. It was Banned Books Week and I found myself rejuvenated by being in the room with people who are so committed to the mission of public libraries as places for all people. Where you can go to learn about anything and everything. And feel safe.

One retired librarian who received recognition was almost moved to tears, urging her colleagues to continue their efforts in the face of so much adversity. Book bans, yes. But also funding cuts and other impediments to doing their jobs, day in and day out.

And of course, there was this past Saturday’s “No Kings” protest in communities across the nation. Seeing millions of people taking to the streets to voice their worry about the present state of affairs gave me hope. A feeling that maybe, just maybe, we can unite for the common love of our great country, our neighbors and the futures of our children and grandchildren. There lots of photos from the weekend and many memorable signs.

But one in particular inspired me to write this post today.

It’s hard, though. I think women, especially, and particularly those of my generation and earlier, have been programmed to be polite, to avoid confrontation and controversy. Not to offend. To be “nice.”

But nice doesn’t have to mean silence — which can easily bleed into complicity. If I’m not okay, or I worry someone else is not okay, I must say something. I can do it with kindness as well as conviction. Politeness along with persistence. I can even do it loudly, if I must! But above all, what is said must be communicated with an open heart. Listening — and truly trying to hear and understand — what comes back.

And go forward from there.

I will not be remembered as a woman who kept her mouth shut. My children — and yours — are watching.

It may be mum season. But we can’t afford to be silent.

Winter is coming.

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Speaking of staying “mum,” it was so wonderful to share the news earlier this month that THE FLOWER SISTERS was chosen by the Missouri Library Association for its 2025 Literary Award. I’ve known since July… but was sworn to secrecy until the day of the gala. But that’s the best kind of secret!

The MLA Literary Award is bestowed annually and “recognizes and promotes readership of works by living Missouri authors and/or authors with strong ties to Missouri. Special attention is given to works in which the state of Missouri is significant.” I’m so grateful to the committee… and to all of the libraries and librarians across Missouri who welcomed me and my “sisters” into their stacks, shelves and meeting rooms over the past year and a half.

A special thank you to Steven Campbell from Scenic Regional Library and Lysha Thompson from Heartland, both of whom chose THE FLOWER SISTERS for their community reads. To Vickie Hicks, from the Springfield-Greene County Library, for recommending the novel for the KY-3 TV book club. And to all the libraries who hosted book clubs or author events, from Webster Groves to West Plains and Warrenton to Holts Summit, Hermann, Vienna, Union, Eldon and Festus plus the St. Louis Public Library’s Buder, Carondelet and Carpenter branches. And the Kathryn Linnemann branch of the St. Louis County Library. What an absolute honor — and a total blast.

***

What’s inspiring you right now? What keeps you going? I’d love to know and I’m sure others would, too. Leave your comment below.

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What I’m reading:

• Heart the Lover, by Lily King. I just cracked open this book by an author I’ve enjoyed previously (Father of the Rain, The Pleasing Hour) and I’m hooked! It’s a love triangle born out of an English Lit class that has repercussions long after graduation.

• Table for Two: Fictions, by Amor Towles. This author is one of the best storytellers out there. And the writing! I adore his characters, with all their flaws and foibles, rooting for them even as they make terrible choices. The short stories are substantial enough to stick with you. And the novella? An absolute page-turner featuring a mysterious scar-faced woman on a mission in Hollywood’s golden era and a cast of slippery characters that will charm your socks off (while simultaneously reaching for your wallet… or a pistol).

• Destroy This House: A Memoir, by Amanda Uhle. This is a fascinating story of a young woman growing up in the 1970s and ‘80s with two parents who rarely — if ever — tell the truth about the past OR the present. Through booms and busts, her gregarious motormouth father goes from football player to cleaning supply salesman and entrepreneurial visionary to conservative Lutheran pastor. Meanwhile, her hoarder mother fills every nook and cranny of their homes (and there are many moves over the years) with fabric, clothing, memorabilia, paperwork, trash and food — both shelf stable and perishable — worried she will never have “enough.” The resulting chaos and the author’s recovery were engrossing. Couldn’t put it down!

• Theo of Golden, by Allen Levi. This book has been getting a lot of word-of-mouth buzz and I had to see what the excitement was about. It is a slow-moving but ultimately satisfying story about a mysterious stranger — an 80-something man known only by his first name, Theo. When he arrives in the little Georgia town of Golden, his unusual acts of kindness change the community and its citizens forever.

What I’m listening to:

• The Revivalists. Oh my goodness, this has to be one of the best shows I’ve been to all year! I saw this group at the Pageant in St. Louis earlier this month and the lead singer brought the house down with his energy and interaction with the crowd. And they played my fave for the encore: Wish I Knew You.

What I’m watching:

• Slow Horses, Apple TV. New season and I’m already stressed out. A couple of episodes in, I’m wondering if this one may have “jumped the shark.” But Gary Oldman alone makes this impossible to turn off. He is irascible, clever, surprising… and supremely unwashed.