The biggest problem you never realized was a problem.

“Who am I?” is a simple yet difficult-to-answer question that has been plaguing the minds of adolescents and adults alike for virtually as long as either has existed. It is first asked when a teenager is starting to desire separation from his parents, and desperately wants to be unique. It is asked again in later years when an adult realizes he is a speck of dust in a giant universe and wants to find structure, order, and connection. Hopefully, it will be asked by each of us at the end of each of our lives (except the question will be rephrased from “Who am I?” to “Who was I?”)

The answer to such a question varies from person to person and age to age, but almost always, the answer causes one to categorize himself as a member of a group of people, who all share some quality. That quality could be “American,” “Democrat,” or “Descended from Africans,” to name a few.

The placing of oneself into one of these kinds of groups is instinctual, and happens to everyone, although, as I will explain, it is really not ideal.

First of all, once you categorize yourself as a member of a group, you will see everyone who is not part of that group as “them,” while everyone who is part of your group is “us.” This leads to tribalism, which at some point in human history might have been helpful, but is now nothing more than an extremely powerful cognitive bias, and as useful as wearing sunglasses indoors.

Even if not for the tribalism, seeing people solely as members of groups leads you to judge or evaluate them as having the stereotypes of your perception of that group, which is an opinion taken from a very biased data set (your observations). For instance, if a bicyclist was rude to you at one point, and you didn’t have any particularly positive experiences with bicyclists, you would likely, whether consciously or unconsciously, associate bicyclists with being rude. However, this happens only because you see that individual as a member of a non-relevant group, even though the bicyclist’s behavior in that scenario has nothing to do with the fact that he happens to be a bicyclist. This comes from the tendency of people to assume that their limited observations are a full display of reality.

The way to avoid this is actually much simpler than you might expect. The root of the problem is seeing yourself as being a member of a group. While this is almost unavoidable, you can intentionally decide to determine your identity as being part of groups that will probably not lead to tribalism (which will be disclosed a few paragraphs down), although if it does, it will be on a much smaller scale, and significantly less damaging to society as a whole.

First of all, it is important to view yourself as an individual, with a completely unique set of quirks and qualities, like no one else in the world.

This helps you view others as being individuals (“I am an individual, therefore others are individuals”), which then eliminates tribalistic thinking (tribalism does not exist if the “us” is just “me,” and especially if there is no “them” either.) The biggest benefit from the personal perspective is that viewing yourself as an individual encourages self-improvement and achievement.

This is not a complete identity though, because seeing people solely as individuals might cause someone to not consider contributions that someone else made to others, and judge accordingly. From a personal perspective, judging yourself solely as an individual and not a part of something bigger than yourself will certainly lead to selfishness and arrogance, and will also probably make you feel incomplete.

Therefore, it is also necessary to think of yourself (and by extension, others), as not only individuals, but also members of a family, a local community, and humanity. Anything else is unnecessary and divisive.

“But why specifically family, local community, and humanity?” You may ask.

Well, there are two problems with thinking of yourself and others solely as individuals, which are that it easily leads to arrogance (not a great quality) and could also lead you to evaluate people without taking into account their contributions to others. This can be solved by also thinking of yourself and others as members of, and capable of contributing to those three groups: family, community, and humanity.

Now, contributing to “humanity” is a bit more abstract, and could be as simple as helping carry bags for someone you will probably never see again, or as complicated as starting a nonprofit to help give housing to those in need. Recognizing this ability in others is extremely important because it makes you aware of the fact that others are capable of doing (and many actually do) acts of pure generosity, for those who will never be able to repay it.

Similarly, seeing someone as part of a community makes you aware that they are capable of contributing to others simply because they happen to be nearby.

Seeing others as being part of a family allows you to be aware of their capacity of giving to those they happen to be related to or someone they choose, and form lifelong relationships with such people.

Recognizing this, as I have mentioned (but can’t stress enough), prevents you from judging others based on things they have no control over and don’t inherently affect their character. It is also significantly more effective if you ignore that any particular individual could possibly not have contributed to all of such groups (family, community, and humanity), and focus more on the fact that any particular individual very likely might have, or at the very least has the capacity to do so.

Another more personal benefit of viewing yourself as an individual, a member of your family, of your community, and of humanity is that it gives you a sense of purpose to know that you are part of something bigger than yourself, yet unique.

All in all, doing this:

a. Prevents tribalism.

b. Prevents problems associated with judging others by things they have no real association with.

c. Gives a sense of purpose, security, and completeness.

d. Helps you see the good in other people, even if it may not be obvious.

Of the groups that cause the most damage, race, nationality, and political affiliation are by far the worst.

Racism is pretty universally accepted as bad, so no need to explain it, nationalism is responsible for most wars, and political-affiliation-caused tribalism has almost completely destroyed the capacity of Western nations to debate beyond repetitive talking points and concrete echo chambers and thus impedes the ability to improve society.

So, the next time you find yourself judging someone by a group, take a moment to consider how they are simultaneously an individual, a member of a family, a member of a community, and a member of humanity. It will really improve your perception of others, and at a larger scale, it will improve human civilization.