I wrote this about a year ago, and here I am today, just back from the Neurodiversion event, fighting off a cold, and feeling frustrated that I don’t have the bandwidth to channel the motivation this event generated.
If you are new here, in my humble opinion, this one is worth a read. And if you have seen it before, maybe it is worth revisiting.
“One of the hardest things about ADHD for me is that my ambition always outweighs my capacity”
A few months ago, I wrote this on threads, and it quickly went viral (well viral-ish…after four years of content creation, I’m still not even sure what officially qualifies as viral). Regardless, it felt both comforting to me and a bit sad that so many ADHDers could immediately relate.
It reminded me that there are millions of us still feeling the weight of the “potential” that so many of us have been told we weren’t living up to.
But it’s not just others’ expectations that so many of us find heavy. It’s also the burden of our own unrealized desires and dreams. Our ADHD brains are often adept at generating ideas and thinking outside the box, but executive function struggles often keep these ideas from being ushered into reality.
We struggle to prioritize. Everything can seem equally important, and we often find ourselves stuck and struggling to move forward on anything. Or the opposite happens, and we attempt to do everything all at once and find ourselves burnt out and more discouraged than when we began. This cycle is only intensified when we don’t understand why we keep getting stuck in it.
Over time many of us start to recognize the pattern, but if we lack the context an ADHD diagnosis provides, we may internalize that we are just not capable of pursuing our ambitions.
For many of us that begin to understand our brain later in life, we do eventually make sense of our past experiences. Understanding is necessary and powerful, but it isn’t all we need to acquire if we want to break the cycles of the past.
After understanding needs to come acceptance of our capacity. When working through this process personally and with clients, I find this is often the hardest part.
It can be difficult to face that even with new understanding, strategy and support our capacity still needs to be managed.
We often fight to accept that the productivity we experience when hyper focused, can’t be accessed every day.
We don’t want to acknowledge that our big energy swings are normal for our brain wiring and require recalibration and rest.
We push through again and again when our ambition overtakes us and wind up feeling frustrated and spent.
So, then what is the answer when we can’t shake the frustration of our ambition outweighing our capacity? Do we just need to give up our goals or embrace low standards for ourselves? My answer is no, but we do need to ask ourselves some honest questions about our capacity and expectations.
Here are a few that I’ve found helpful…
Is this goal realistic for me in the context of my current responsibilities and other priorities.
Is the timeline realistic? (Spoiler alert, this is often where ADHDers get tripped up).
what type of support do I need to continue pursuing this project
What other things may I need to de-prioritize to free up capacity for this goal?
Living with ADHD means constantly navigating the tension between ambition and capacity, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t capable. When we ground our goals in self-awareness, realistic timelines, and intentional support, we give ourselves a chance to move forward sustainably. Acceptance isn’t about lowering our standards — it’s about aligning our expectations with our reality so we can build momentum without burning out.
If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to dive deeper into understanding your ADHD and creating sustainable change, check out my book It All Makes Sense Now. It’s filled with insights, strategies, and encouragement to help you navigate life with more clarity and self-compassion.
What’s one small shift you could make to better honor your capacity while still moving toward your goals?
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