Decentering Work: Your Job Was Never Meant to Be Your Entire Life

As at Sunday, I was pumped for the new week

I had started a draft of something I was going to post here, different plans for the week

I was going to write about something completely different this week.

Then Monday happened.

One bad morning at work.

Just one.

And somehow, it stole almost the entire day.

Then the next.

By the middle of the week, I realized something that made me uncomfortable.

I had unconsciously allowed work to become the centre of my emotional world.

If work was going well, I felt good.

If work was stressful, I carried it home.

If something went wrong, it followed me into dinner, into conversations, into my sleep, into the next morning.

One part of my life had quietly gained the power to determine how I experienced every other part.

That isn't balance.

That's dependence.

A few days ago, I was back at the hospital (been a roller coaster).

My doctor had examined me and decided I needed to continue my medication. We also scheduled more tests because of something unusual he noticed during the examination.

What struck me most wasn't the prescription.

It was the advice.

"Sleep more."

"Exercise."

"Go out."

"Do things that make you happy."

"Reduce your stress."

Not once did he tell me to become better at my job.

He told me to become better at living.

And I think that's a lesson many of us need to hear.

Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped having lives outside work.

We wake up thinking about emails.

We spend the day solving problems.

We get home too exhausted to read.

Too tired to call our friends.

Too mentally drained to pray.

Too overwhelmed to pursue hobbies.

Too busy to exercise.

Too distracted to enjoy the people sitting right beside us.

Then we do it all again the next day.

We call it adulthood.

We call it being responsible.

Sometimes, we even call it ambition.

But somewhere in all that productivity, we've quietly stopped living.

Please don't misunderstand me.

I'm not saying work isn't important.

It is.

Work gives us opportunities.

It pays our bills.

It allows us to care for the people we love.

Some people genuinely enjoy what they do, and that's a beautiful thing.

The problem isn't loving your work. The problem is needing work to validate your worth.

Those are two very different things.

I think we've tied our identities too closely to our careers.

Ask someone to introduce themselves.

"I'm a lawyer."

"I'm an engineer."

"I'm in tech."

"I'm a doctor."

“I'm an auditor”

Those are beautiful professions.

But they are not the entirety of a person.

Who are you when your laptop is closed?

What makes you laugh?

What makes you feel alive?

What would you still love if nobody paid you for it?

Who are you outside your job titl

The scary thing about centering your entire life around work is that work is unpredictable.

Projects fail.

Managers change.

Companies restructure.

You make mistakes.

You receive difficult feedback.

You lose opportunities.

That's normal.

But when work is the centre of your identity, every disappointment feels personal.

A bad day at work becomes a bad day in life.

One mistake begins to define your confidence.

An email ruins your entire mood.

I've been there.

I know what it feels like.

I'm slowly learning that my job is only one part of my life.

Not my whole life.

I want to be the kind of person who has stories that don't begin with, "At work today..."

I want to have friendships I'm intentional about.

Books I've finally read.

Places I've explored.

Walks I've taken simply because the weather was nice.

Conversations that lasted longer than my battery percentage.

Memories that had nothing to do with deadlines or KPIs.

I want a life that's bigger than my calendar.

Maybe that's why my doctor's advice stayed with me.

Healing wasn't only about medication.

It was also about lifestyle.

About creating a life where my body and mind weren't constantly surviving.

One where joy wasn't something I postponed until annual leave.

One where rest wasn't something I had to earn.

I'm still learning this.

Some weeks, work will still overwhelm me.

Some Mondays will still be hard.

I'll probably still complain about Lagos traffic and impossible deadlines.

But I don't want one difficult morning to steal an entire week anymore.

I don't want work to have that much power over me.

So maybe this is your reminder as much as it is mine.

Build a life outside your job.

Call your friends.

Read that book.

Go for the walk.

Learn the hobby.

Take the leave days.

Spend time with your family.

Laugh loudly.

Make memories.

Your career is an important part of your life. But it should never become your entire life.

Because one day, you'll leave that office.

You'll change jobs.

You'll retire

And when that day comes, I hope you have a life waiting for you beyond your email inbox.

One that reminds you that before you were an employee, a manager, a lawyer, a designer or an entrepreneur...

You were a person. Don't forget to be one.

Love,

Star Girl Mercy ❤️