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When I lived in my hometown, I felt so confined. I felt like a "bird without wings, a butterfly without colors," as explained in my diary. I wanted to travel and see the world. I wanted to contribute to humanity and be someone, before I died. I detested the mundane life I was living with my parents, huffing and puffing at the thought of staying there forever with my potential locked away. I was…
From the moment I saw you, I loved you. From that first glance, I knew that you're the one for me. I barely know you, and still, something pulls me toward you, insistent and undeniable. Call it fate. Call it the universe. Call it the strange gravity of distance or whatever force keeps drawing me back to you. I believe we're meant to find each other. Every time I see you, I fall a little deeper. I…
These vines have taken root in my core. I feel them overflow into the world, climbing out, day by day, night by night, feeding on whatever I can't hold onto. == They prick me as they grow, but I smile, thinking of the garden I'll soon have, full of green. This is a fresh start, somewhere I can feel calm. But hold that thought. The vines are prickling again. My skin is starting to crack, and I…
A while back, my 'bf' and I broke up after around 2 or 3 years together. Actually, I guess we were never really together. At least, not in a way that felt secure and established. Our relationship status changed according to his mood. One day, he would be thinking about marrying me and introducing me to his mother; the next day, for no reason at all, he would downgrade me to the status of a 'wh*re'…
I used to wear makeup every single day. In fact, I felt ugly without it. I used to be extremely overweight, so makeup was the only thing that made me feel better, made me feel more feminine. But now I am sick of it. I will never wear makeup again. First of all, it's for my health. Look, I don't know exactly what's in these products, but I know makeup used to contain arsenic and other harmful…
You can’t unsee the world, can't scroll back the time or close your eyes to the sun. You can’t pretend you don’t know how big the horizon can be, now that you’ve seen it stretch out before you. You can’t unsee the world, or pretend you are just a tiny branch waiting for spring in the cold, when you have already seen the whole forest alive. You can’t lie down and crawl through the quiet and the…
Lie. It's all a lie. The one I tell them, the one I tell myself. This club. My little Anti-Marriage Club. It’s a shield. It’s a joke. It’s the only thing keeping me upright. I hate marriage because I almost had it. He promised. And I believed him. God, that bracelet. Cold on my wrist every single day. A placeholder for a ring. Fake rose gold for a fake promise. It cracked. A month before we did.…
I’m writing this here, not to you. You don’t see me anymore. You act like I never existed. That’s fine. I need to say this because no one listens when I talk about you anymore. Talking into the void is better than choking on silence. So here it is. The truth: I’m finally over you. And now that I am, everything makes sense. I used to wake up wondering how I was still breathing without the love of…
I have always been an intense person that is too deeply involved with anything they like. When I was 14, I liked video games but then I grew obsessed with them. I was an average player, a casual gamer but it was never enough for me to just have fun and relax. I needed to be better. During a summer vacation, I obsessed over anime, watching around 200 anime series over three months. Over the years,…
Welcome to my new blog, everyone. Years ago, I also had a blog and I missed having one. I’m so tired of Meta, Google and Big tech controlling every aspect of our lives and I wanted to crave out a real internet space for myself - a space I can be honest in, and a space that can show the good and the bad, as with the reality of life. I’m tired of everyone on instagram showing the good, the easy, the…