San Francisco

I’m moving to San Francisco.

I landed a job opportunity at a place I can’t even believe I’m going to. A dream job. Enormous impact, life-changing, one of those you just can’t say no to.

That involves transplanting my entire life in a rather short time.

I feel strongly about having to make enormous sacrifices in the name of being a corporate entity in this world. The life of a high-flying career is full of suffering. But I chose this path because the alternative is suffering of a different, worse, kind.

Foreshadowing

There’s something fascinating about the fact that three posts back, I wrote:

I know something big is coming, I just don’t know what it is yet.

You just kind of feel when change is coming and it just happens.

Seattle

Seattle has been an incredible place. I’ll likely fill this post with experiences, moments, and ideas from here that changed me in a meaningful way.

I’m not losing my people. But I’m definitely losing a life that I lived here. That matters a lot to me. Little things like mahjong night really keep me together. Keep us together as friends.

I’m in this weird liminal state where I know this is insanity, and it’s happening, and I’m numb. Just anxious unease. You just know it’ll hit insanely hard at the worst time.

Happiness

I worry though… when will it be enough? At what point will I make a decision where the next step in my career isn’t what I want? Where I just want to live a happy life with friends I love, and maybe somebody I love too? I wonder when I’ll make that sacrifice. And I wonder why I didn’t make it now.

I think the answer is, it doesn’t feel like the time. I’m 26 and I just started my career two years ago. But I worry about one day not recognizing when I should make that trade-off. Having it all and not seeing it.

The fact of the matter is, I have everything I could possibly need in Seattle. A good job. Great pay. Friends I love and appreciate and love spending time with. I’m rich in life, yet I want more.

Down on the West Coast they got a saying
“If you’re not drinking then you’re not playing”

I hope when the time comes, I’ll be able to recognize what I have, appreciate it for what it is, and decide it’s time to sacrifice my career for the things that matter more. The pursuit of more ultimately becomes the pursuit of less–a luxurious deathbed full of regrets.