Thanks, San Francisco

Dear Friends,

Good lord. I had planned on sending this out two weeks ago, when it was still September. But then Lumi fell ill with stomach flu, and then I caught it too. Caring for a sick infant when you are also sick is a whole new level of exhaustion, and grit.

Most new parents expect sleepless nights and the fact that your life effectively changes forever the moment your child is born. But nothing can truly prepare you for how hard it is to make sure your inconsolable baby is eating enough while you yourself are unable to keep anything down. Gone are the days when being sick meant focusing solely on your own recovery.

Perhaps the hardest part is that she doesn’t have language yet. She recently learned how to say “mama” (rejoice! for language is on the way) but I still can’t explain to her that she will recover, that what she is feeling now won’t last forever, and that her tummy will feel better in time. Time passes much differently when you’re so little.

I’ll keep this short since I’m still on the mend; mostly I wanted to say thanks.

Thank you to all the nice people who played peek-a-boo with my daughter during her first flight. I don’t know any of your names but you were all so kind, and that alone was a humongous relief. I was nervous about flying with her (I don’t expect anyone who has only been alive for 9 months to know how to act on a plane, so I braced myself for the worst.) There were at least 10 of you who took turns smiling at her and returning her waves (she just learned how to wave) for over 6 hours. The result was that she didn’t cry even once. Shoutout to the passenger who told us “your baby is a real party animal!” She is.

Thank you to this neighborhood for holding so many people I’ve loved. This was where my dad used to hum to himself as he waited for the bus. This was where my grandma would make soup for her grandkids. This was where my grandpa would buy 油條 [yóutiáo] for breakfast and share it with us. These people are no longer alive, so the neighborhood itself becomes a container for their memories. It was wonderful to return for a visit, and it still smells like eucalyptus trees and ocean fog.

Thank you to the Case for Making community for being a wellspring of creative energy, and for making me feel so welcomed. I taught two sold out workshops, which wouldn’t have been possible without the wonderful people who showed up. Thank you thank you thank youuu for being there! I can’t believe I’ve been seeing some of your faces online for five years and actually got to hug a few of you in person for the first time.

Thank you CfM team, you are simply the best. Thank you Alexis for building the cauldron where so much magic has been brewed and keeps on evolving. I miss the days of bringing Kokoro (who is a cat) to the shop in a little backpack and she would sit by the window while we worked, and everyone just accepted this like it was normal and awesome. It’s a gift to work alongside people you genuinely admire. This team is filled with talented, funny, caring, curious, creative problem solvers. We should run for president. Except that job is cursed so never mind.

Thank you to the friends who went out of their way to see us. Spencer, Harrison, Mark & Vicki, and Goose, thank you for your generosity and kindness.

Spencer has been a friend since we worked at the California Academy of Sciences in 2018. Aside from both being Asian, we have almost nothing in common. Or rather, our interests have no overlap. Yet we’ve managed to stay friends across time and space. I’ve tried to figure this out, because I don’t really understand it. Ultimately I’ve decided that it boils down to his authenticity.

Spencer is not the type of person to feign interest in something that other people might care about: “I wish I liked nature more.” was his reply to my enthusiasm for the aquarium. Odd, coming from a guy who I met working at an aquarium.

His ability to just be himself without wasting any time people-pleasing makes it easier for everyone around him to just be themselves as well. It brings out the best in people. Or the worst, if you take this lack of superficial social niceties as a threat. So in a way it’s also a helpful filter.

Anyway, I don’t need Spencer to share my interests because now I can just live vicariously through my kid. Thane and I are whispering “marine biologist” in her ears a lot these days.

For real though, I do not expect Lumi to eventually love what I love. I’m looking forward to the day she challenges my idea of “fun” and shows me doorways to worlds I’ve never considered entering before. She already does this with her tendency towards extroversion — I would have never considered saying hi to that many people on an airplane.

As the world continues to burn, thanks for reading.

Love,
Melanie

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