You hear a lot about how you’re supposed to “be kind to yourself,” “give yourself grace,” and “accommodate yourself” as an autistic…
But nobody tells you HOW to do that.
Whether you’ve been formally diagnosed or self-identify, you STILL only know how to navigate this world the way you have been, which often means ignoring your own needs, being invalidated, people-pleasing as a survival mechanism, and masking so hard you’re not even sure who you are anymore.
So how are you supposed to know what you can change, or what you can stop doing, or what you could start doing?
So if you’re one of those newly minted autistics searching for answers—or maybe you’re a loved one wondering how you can support the autistic in your life—here’s a list of relatively small self-accommodations that have helped me, and might help you too.
But first, some important disclaimers:
Every autistic’s experience is unique, and since this list reflects the specific accommodations that have benefited me personally, it’s not an exhaustive list of solutions for every type of challenge, and your mileage may vary.
Privilege plays a role here, like with all things. Unfortunately, some of these may be less accessible depending on your financial situation, mobility, support system, and the unique social contexts and power dynamics you face.
Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may get a commission from the seller if you make a purchase, at no additional cost to you.
PLEASE share YOUR accommodations in the comments! The more we share here, the more we can learn from one another and make it easier to move through this weird world.
I realized shortly after my diagnosis that I really struggled with auditory sensitivity more than I realized, and that I felt much calmer and less stressed once I could lower the volume of the world a little bit.
Noise-Cancelling Headphones: This is probably the best change I’ve made, that’s had the most wide-reaching benefits. The key for me is to wear them not just as a response to overwhelm, but preventatively: whenever I’m out and about: grocery store, gas station, post office, cafe, etc. They don’t make the world silent, but they dim the background noise that would slowly overwhelm me without me realizing it.
These are the ones I have and love, but they’re expensive ($200-$350 depending on sales). I don’t regret the investment, because they’re very comfortable on my ears, work better than a cheaper pair I had prior, and the battery lasts a really long time. They also have 3 noise-cancelling levels so you can choose how much noise you want to hear.
These are really well-reviewed and significantly cheaper, ranging from $40 to $70. (Currently 4.6 stars with more than 43k reviews!)
Ask for lower volume: I was shocked by how often people were willing to turn down the volume of music and TVs once I started just… asking. Oftentimes, it’s set somewhat arbitrarily, and nobody minds turning it down a few notches if you ask.
If a polite script would help: “I’m sorry to interrupt, but the music/TV is a little loud. Is it possible to turn it down a bit?”
Mind the decibels: If you have an Apple watch (and maybe some other smart watches), you can set up ambient noise/decibel measurement on the home screen, which will allow you to get a quick sense of how loud places are. Over time, you can learn your limits and remove yourself from loud environments BEFORE you get overwhelmed (or toss on your headphones instead).
I now know that anything at or above 80 decibels is going to cause me stress if it’s more than a few minutes. I get alerts on my watch when it’s at that level for 10 or more minutes, so I can head off the overwhelm.
You may be able to download apps from app stores to measure ambient noise in your phone too, though I can’t personally vouch for those, so check reviews.
Identify sneaky sounds: Take an intentional survey of the different background sounds in your usual environments (home, office, etc.) and see which can be removed, reduced, or paused. Even minor hums, ticks, or whirring can add up.
Common culprits are appliances or electronics (stove-top fans, air conditioners, air purifiers, humidifiers, diffusers, bathroom fans, heaters, computers, gaming systems, refrigerators, ice makers, robo vacuums, etc.), but it also includes things like running toilets, ticking clocks, and other background noises.
Examples for me: I only run my air purifier when I’m not in the bedroom. We don’t use a stove-top fan (instead, we use a tabletop fan and crack the window). I run the bathroom fan after my shower instead of during, and crack the door instead.
Look up the model of your appliance with keywords like “mute” or “silence,” and you can often find a tutorial on how to reduce volume or shut off beeping!
Listen, if you’ve got to wear clothes all day to move through the world, you might as well make them as comfortable as possible. Here are a few things you can do on that front:
Cut the tags: Just in case nobody told you, you can TOTALLY cut out all the tags in your clothing that itch or irritate you. Do it.
Opt for seamless: Socks, underwear, and shirts often come in “seamless” varieties that are less likely to itch, scratch, and irritate skin.
Pressure: Pay attention to whether you feel more comfortable in tight clothing that feels like a hug, or loose clothing that doesn’t constrict, and shop accordingly
Pay special attention to the neck, ankles, and wrists, because sometimes gathering or cinching in those areas can be more irritating than the rest of the garment.
Check the fabric: I didn’t pay much attention to fabric content tags for most of my life, but I do now. Once you know which fabrics feel cool/hot, soft/crunchy, smooth/scratchy, etc, you can start to shop or swap based on your preferences.
This goes for other things too, like pillowcases, sheets, blankets, towels, etc.
Example: I swapped all my rough denim jeans for stretchy faux-denim that’s much softer, and traded my wool blazers (WHY SO ITCHY) for softer and smoother fabrics like lycra, neoprene, and silky materials.
Let someone else break it in: I find that thrifted or second-hand clothing is often softer and more comfortable, because it’s been washed more.
Give modesty a try: I have found that I’m way more comfortable in more modest clothing (pants vs. shorts, long sleeve vs sleeveless) that keeps me covered and protected from the elements, and have slowly been transitioning to a more modest wardrobe.
This is something I have always struggled with, and some of the biggest revelations came from a therapist asking me which “rules” I was following that were made up, and a lot of mine were rules about where things were “supposed” to be done.
Put it where you’ll see it: Don’t hide things away in the name of decluttering if it doesn’t actually work for you. Put your vitamins and medications in a basket on the kitchen table in a basket if that’s what makes you more likely to remember to take them.
Create a caddy: Make yourself a little self-care caddy for wherever you spend a lot of time (bed, couch, office, car) so you’re more likely to do the things you need to feel your best.
Some suggestions to put in: sanitizer, face wipes, hair brush, hand lotion, chapstick, nail file, floss or floss-picks, mouthwash or chewable toothpaste tablets, whitening strips, tweezers, makeup, vitamins,
Have multiples: If having only one of something is a barrier to getting it done, try getting a second one, if you can.
Like, who said you can only have one toothbrush at a time? Our house has two floors, so I have a toothbrush (and toothpaste) in the upstairs bathroom AND the downstairs bathroom. Why not?
Do what YOU Need: For years, I suffered through the sensory nightmare of having wet hair on my neck and having the wind blow strands of hair into my face, because I felt like women were just ‘supposed” to have long hair and we all just had to deal with it. When I finally got a short-cropped haircut a few years ago, I WAS SO MAD I didn’t do it sooner. It’s amazing!
So reflect on which parts of your self-care may be driven by social pressure, fear, gender norms, or other outside pressures, and see which you might be able to unburden yourself with.
Cut your hair, or grow it out, or dye it purple, or stop covering your greys
Use the blue eyeshadow, or wear that bright red lip, or stop wearing makeup
Grow out your nails, or paint them black, or stop painting them altogether
Add more earrings, or take ‘em out, or swap your metal ring for a soft silicone one
Make the light work for you: Default lighting tends to be harsh, bright, and aggressive, which can cause headaches or contribute to sensory overwhelm.
Install dimmer switches to can control the brightness of overheads. If you rent or aren’t able to do that, consider using smaller and more diffuse lighting options like a dimmable bedside lamp, string lights, or even just smart lightbulbs where you can control the warmth and/or color.
Wear sunglasses when outside, even if it’s “not that bright” by others’ standards
Cover indicator lights: Have you ever noticed how many tiny indicator lights are constantly on or blinking on the various electronics around the house? Almost everything plugged in has a tiny red or green light indicating it’s plugged in and connected. These little stickers neutralize the light, and the house now has actual darkness at night, which is really nice. (They work for little LED display screens too, like the kind on a printer or microwave.
Acknowledge Food Textures: Recognize which foods feel good in your mouth, and which don’t, and then (as much as you can) avoid the ones that give you the ick and lean into the ones you love.
Lots of foods I had previously thought I “didn’t like” were actually fine taste-wise, and just delivered in the wrong texture for me. Experimenting with different cooking methods (roast, fried, steamed, baked etc.) opened up some new options for me.
I love airy-crunchy textures (think, cheese puffs), so I started to buy freeze dried fruits and crunchy veggie sticks to help me get the nutrients I need in a way that has a good mouth-feel for me.
Mind the Scents: If you’re sensitive to scents, try switching to unscented or fragrance-free products, or adopting a mild or comforting go-to scent that you don’t deviate from. Apply this logic to anything that goes on or near your body: soap, deodorant, lotion, cosmetics, detergent, cleaners, etc.
Share your accommodations, so we can all learn from one another and start to live better.
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