This time of year always brings up a strange mix of urgency and reflection for me. Maybe it’s the speed of summer, maybe it’s the halfway point of the year. Am I being present in my life, or just moving through it?
I feel a different kind of FOMO creep in: a fear of missing out on my own life. A fear of being so caught up in the day-to-day, so lost in what’s to come, that I’m missing what’s in front of me. It evokes a feeling of nostalgia for right now. Will I miss this moment? Could I be more present than I am? What if life is just passing me by?
I often remind myself of my own mortality. Grief does that, confronts us with the eventual reality that we’re conditioned to avoid. For the past decade, I’ve spent a few minutes at the end my morning meditation reminding myself that one day, I will transition from a physical form to a non-physical one, whatever that means or looks like.
It’s not meant to depress me, but to remind myself of the importance of living now. It’s to keep myself from getting too attached to what’s in front of me, and to bring me back to the truth that everything around me, including the form in which my life takes place, will change. Ahhhhh! How urgent it is to be present.
I think we’ve all heard that familiar prompt, if you were on your deathbed, what would you regret or wish you did differently? And people say things like, I’d wish I just ate the damn cake. I’d wish I put my damn phone down. I’d wish I spent less time worrying. I’d wish I spent more time with the people I loved.
When I picture my older self reflecting back on her life, I feel all of those things, and I also hope I felt a sense of deep presence. I hope I feel like whatever life brought me, I was experiencing it.
It’s easy for perfectionism to creep into our healing. Am I doing enough? Am I being present enough? Am I being self-compassionate enough? Criticizing ourselves for not being present or self-compassionate enough is just another sneaky way that the inner critic convinces us we’re deficient. But really, noticing that voice is also the presence practice. What I’ve been reminding myself is that that’s what presence is. Being with whatever is.
When life is chaotic and there’s barely time to shower, but you’re still able to notice your breathing in between tasks, even if it’s just for a split second: that’s presence.
When you’re in a season of life that’s feeling stagnant, and maybe even boring, because nothing new or exciting has happened, you acknowledging this feeling: that’s presence.
When you’re in a season of life that’s stuffed with milestone moments and you’re trying to savor the excitement, so you take a brief moment to look around and let it sink in: that’s presence.
When we’ve been doom scrolling and realize, oh I’m starting to feel heavy in my head. Maybe I should put my phone down, that’s presence.
We can’t be fully present all the time. Part of the presence is noticing when we’re feeling distracted, and coming back to now. There’s a lot going on. We seem to continuously find ourselves living through history-making moments. We couldn’t possibly be fully present through it all. It’s okay to need to leave the body. It’s okay to need to briefly numb.
The beauty of a mindfulness practice is that it changes with us. It can shift and evolve and change shapes based on how full or how spacious our lives are feeling.
An important part of any practice is slipping out of it, so that we can have the awareness to see that we did, have curiosity around why, and have enough softness to allow ourselves to come back.
Whatever you’re doing, however you’re being, it’s enough.
You’re not missing your life. It’s happening right now.
We’re just a few weeks away from ARE YOU MAD AT ME? being in your hands. Speaking of time flying by…. what???
I’ve been thinking of how I want to thank each of you for pre-ordering, while also finding a way to come together.
SO. If you pre-ordered AYMAM?, please join me on Thursday, July 17th at 4pm PST / 7pm ET for a special Zoom webinar. To register, all you need is proof of pre-order.
In this one-hour event, I'll give you an exclusive glimpse into the heart of the book, and will lead you through a guided meditation/journaling activity. At the end, there'll be time for a Q&A!
Everyone who signs up will receive a recording of the event via email. So if you're not able to make it in real time, you can still register and will receive the recording!
Cannot wait to be with you then!
That’s all for now. Thank you for being here, exactly as you are.
Until next time,
♡ Meg
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