Newsletter No. 2

Thoughts from this week:

1. I went to visit the new Prince Coffee on Killingsworth - it’s about two blocks from my house, beautiful inside, still smelling of paint. It feels like the New Portland is slowly creeping into my little corner of the city (I might be delusional, I think this has been happening behind my back). I can’t wait to drink wine on their patio. As I walked in memories of the businesses that lived in that building before came through; a pizza place (bad) most recently, one that I had a kid birthday at maybe 15 years ago. And before that a Sicilian bakery named DiPrima Dolce. I remember going there every once in awhile with my mom to buy little brioche buns filled with dark chocolate and candied orange. They still stick in my memory as being the best pastry, ever. DiPrima Dolce opened in 2002 (I was 5) and lasted for longer than I remembered - I just looked it up and they closed around 2014.

   

   Just look at it! The interior was rustic farmhouse chic, the walls lined with glass bottles of various pickled veg. All of it was red. I think of it now fondly and have been inspired to try to make those brioche buns at home. All this to say - definitely excited for Prince to breathe new life into this building. It’s been shut up for far too long, the pizza place having failed mid covid I think. I love my neighborhood. I this looks like a good recipe for those buns, obviously add orange. I’ll try to make them this week and let you know.

2. I am extremely inspired by Penguin Random House book covers right now. Maybe I’ll compile a list of specific artists for another article but below are a few book covers that I can’t stop looking at. Also see THIS; I found an insane research tool. I can’t believe websites like this still exist. Bless you, whoever you are.

   

   

   

3. I want to buy this J Crew sweater on sale. My mom says I’m “preppy”.

4. I want to start doing stuff for me instead of for You. I think it’s showing in my work. Maybe more thoughts on this later.

5. One day I hope to make enough money to hire professionals to do everything for me. I’m sick of DIY-ing. Ok not for everything but for most things, like floors and tile and ceiling painting. I want it all to be done perfectly and I want them not to ask me what I think and to go away for a week or so and come home to the project being done. Wow can you even imagine??? That is luxury.

6. After years of thinking I was good without therapy I just finally realized what therapy is for. You just sit there and talk to someone. Like my therapist doesn’t even really say anything. But I sit there and I get through the whole story and half the time she’s just like “Wow, yeah, that’s a lot” or “Why did you say it like that?” and I get to the bottom of the feeling. It’s so cool. And now I will shut up about it forever because I don’t want to be one of those therapy girls but like wow!

7. I literally hate with every fiber of my body the canvassers at the farmer’s market. They feel predatory and manipulative and I want them to feel shame. It’s literally Sunday and you’re so far up my ass??? You’re tracking me through this overpopulated fashion show of a market and you’re asking me if I want to save animals and fight for someone’s rights????? Like duh I do but do you see me slightly panicking that I can’t find my boyfriend right now? Oh my god I feel so much rage for canvassers. I want to run for city government just so that I can ban them.

8. I am here to warn against using The Artist’s Way. That shit is dumb. Just put your phone down.

9. Can’t decide if I want to go to my ten year high school reunion.

I’m sitting here listening to my dad chew cereal and I want to rip my hair out. We’re spending the weekend together tiling the bathroom down in Yachats, a job that’s taken about six years to complete. It looks good, we got clearance tiles from Floor and Decor and decided on a pattern pretty quickly. The tiles aren’t even that ugly. I like to describe helping my dad like helping someone with adhd clean their bedroom; for a lot of the project I’m standing back and gently saying, “So…now what?” as a reminder of the task at hand. I also clear the path so he doesn’t trip and kill himself on the Sawzall. Anyway, we’ve been coming down for the past few weekends and it’s finally coming together. The toilet is in and the sink runs. He really wants to grind down the shower floor one more time and I’m trying to convince him otherwise. It’s been hard to give up my weekends recently, since I’ve had little extra time and I feel like my personal business is slipping through my fingers. And everything else feels like it’s falling apart. It’s been one of the hardest years, ever, and yet today feels the same as yesterdays feels the same as two months ago feels the same as last May so how can it really be that bad? I’m getting through it, aren’t I? I’m no complainer. But I’ve had to learn more patience in the past year than ever before and I’m running out I think. There’s stuff going on that I can’t get into here, it’s hard and wearing me down all the time. I wish I could tell you, but I’m telling a therapist instead so that’s better than nothing.

Amidst everything I’m trying so hard to keep myself afloat, and to be honest it feels like I’m flailing. And then at the same time I’m changing my practice and learning new techniques and really falling into my own personal style more than ever before and it feels incredible. But I don’t think it’s coming through. It’s like I’m shouting into a void. Maybe that’s ok? How do I shed these layers? Is it true that we have to get to rock bottom before catapulting? I just want to share myself but I can’t tell who cares. I’m rambling now. There are just so many words in me and so many feelings and so much hatred for the way art/everything works these days that I clam up before I even start. I don’t even have time to see my friends. And they’re all busy, anyway. And my boyfriend is busy - and shouldn’t we be engaged by now?

But I have exciting news! I bought a fancy printer! So now I can make prints at home. I’ve already put a few on my website, which was under construction for a long time - it’s live again and I’m excited to share more. I feel like I keep missing deadlines, friends have art shows and I can’t get it together to submit anything to them. I feel bad.

But I’m looking forward to printing bigger things and working on a small zine with this new tool. That’s number 1 on my to do list.

Also I have a gross story and I’m trying to figure out if it’s a good or bad omen. I woke up on Sunday morning a week ago (what we like to call “Hoe Malone”, or in the common tongue “by myself”) to one whole cat leg and an entire tail in my yard. Trigger warning! It was fucking HORRIBLE! My cat was so upset. It was 7:30 am. It was mother’s day and my mom was away. I had to shovel it myself (I probably would’ve shoveled it myself anyway on account of it being a holiday. I wouldn’t have allowed my mom do it). I flung it into the neighbor’s yard (abandoned house). It was so awful. Safe to assume it was a coyote - a good reminder to keep your pets indoors at night. I’d like to add that we’ve already had a conversation with this cat’s owner about removing their cat door but they obviously didn’t. They’ve already lost one cat to coyotes. And they didn’t learn. But truly, is it an omen? I feel like this cat (Potato ☹) needs a final act. Shall I use his death as a sign to persevere? I stood there in the yard on Sunday morning, the Lord’s day, and I imagined how scared he must’ve been. May Potato watch over me now.

Anyway, that’s about all for now. A reminder that my website is here if you’re interested in seeing prints. Love you for reading this far!