Reading · Mechanical Pulp

I bought this book purely for the ridiculous premise on the back, and for the cover. I had never heard of it before, but I saw it at my local used bookstore, took one glance at it and knew I had a stupid gem in my hands. I needed it on my shelf.1

So very 80s, if anyone ever read anything from the paperback horror boom of the era. (For a decent place to start, look up Paperbacks from Hell.) But the book itself is more than that, and actually not really “horror” (although that’s what the author is known for) which is probably why the staff shelved it under SFF.

Werewolf spy vs. Nazis. It would either be complete schlock, or brilliant. Sometimes this is a fine line. This book walks that line, but often stumbles over to schlock. Which is fun.

Before I get into the meat, I’ll just try to describe it like this, using movies (because this is certainly readable while imagining the popcorn in your hands on $2 movie night): take the over-the-top silly violence of Paul Verhoeven, with scenes that may have inspired Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds (if he read it, which I doubt, but there’s definitely some things in common2,) and maybe Tobe Hooper or John Landis, but also with maybe some monster appreciation a la Guillermo del Toro, and you’ve got The Wolf's Hour.

Is the prose good? Eh, it’s fine. This isn’t a book you read for the poetic passages. (And I’ve certainly read worse.) You read it for the countless bloody Nazi squibs.3

Sure, you could read some classic Victorian epic, or some maximalist postmodern tome. Or, you could not. This is for the “Oh yeah, I read for fun” times. Don’t fall for the pretentious pseudointellectual lit snobbery. Reading isn’t supposed to be a chore. It’s for pleasure. Only total dorks push up their glasses and sniff derisively at your book choices. Cue a bell curve meme I’m too lazy to make.

As a writer, if you want to improve your craft, obviously reading the greats is important. Duh. But you can definitely read stuff like this and take notes. See:

This book is also 603 pages long. Yes. But, if you grew up reading unnecessarily long mass market paperback novels from the 70s/80s/90s, you’ll be fine.4

D-Day is threatened, but one man could rip the heart of the Nazis—with his bare claws....

He is Michael Gallatin, master spy, lover—and werewolf. Able to change shape with lightning speed, to kill silently or with savage, snarling fury, he proved his talents against Rommel in Africa. Now he faces his most delicate, dangerous mission: to unravel the secret Nazi plan known as Iron Fist. From a parachute jump into occupied France to the lush corruption of Berlin, from the arms of a beautiful spy to the cold embrace of a madman's death machine, Gallatin draws ever closer to the ghastly truth about Iron Fist. But with only hours to D-Day, he is trapped in the Nazis' web of destruction....

In the prologue we’re introduced to our main character, Michael Gallatin, werewolf spy, as he saves the battle of El Alamein via stealing a briefcase and wolfing about, but also, comically exploding Nazi motorcycles and cars. Boom! Argh! Bullets! Then (as a human) he nails some hot countess in Cairo—he is very good at sex by the way, we are made to know several times throughout the book. (An important rule: write an MMC who men want to be and women want to screw. I don’t remember who originally said that, but I think it’s pretty timeless advice, especially for stories like this)—and then proceeds to tear up a bad dude as a half-man-half-wolf, which had me cackling, because it also involves picking up random medieval weapons that just happened to be on display, like a flail, and swinging them at each other.

Once we’re out of the prologue, we’re met with two timelines: one, he’s a WWII spy, but later in the war, just in time to save D-Day, cool. Timeline two: his youth in the Russian forests learning how to werewolf. His real name is Mikhail Gallatinov, his family is killed during the revolution, then he gets bit by a werewolf, etc. We are told the transformation logic doesn’t match the full moon type tales, it can be done at will once you learn how, and if you survive the transformation. Interestingly, it’s this second timeline where all the emotional weight really sits. Like, it could have easily been it’s own book, all the found family stuff and a lot of the gross transformation sequences right out of An American Werewolf in London or something. Unfortunately, these parts sometimes feel included to bloat the book. Which is too bad, because you actually see McCammon’s more literary writing chops here. However, it doesn’t match the rest of the book in tone.

Timeline one is just goofy as all get out. You’ve got comically evil Nazis who stomp people to death, a train built exclusively to hunt people on with like booby traps and shit—why? Who fucking cares—and a secret evil Nazi social club where they brutalize people on stage for entertainment. Oh yeah, and the main evil plot our spy guy is trying to stop? Retarded. Just so, so hilariously stupid. But again, who cares. It’s the journey, not the destination. Anyway, spoiler alert, D-Day was an allied success, and it’s really funny to think it was because a werewolf stopped said evil Nazi plot.

You know what’s missing in entertainment these days? Made-up chemical goop. When was the last time you saw someone get their face melted off because an evil, mad scientist made some yellow or green goo? Barrels of goo? Not something super common these days. Then again, this entire book is so of a past era, I highly doubt it would ever get published by a big 5 (or is it big 4 now?) publisher. Some weird small press, or a self-pub book, for sure. But I would suspect the only trad-pub werewolf books getting picked up right now are a little different in tone5, if you catch my drift.

Do I recommend this book? Yes. With the caveat that you really do need to turn your WWII historical accuracy brain right the fuck off. Scoop your skull clean, throw your grey matter out the window, have fun.

4 torn out Nazi throats out of 5.

Review: The Wolf's Hour by Robert R. McCammon

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