Writing through the pain

And I would very much love to be brave enough to follow his example. I mean, I have been writing about him for more than ten years now. I know him intimately (well, the version of him I have created, aka ‘my Robin’). But maybe we write about our heroes because that’s how we aspire to be in real life.

Except when it’s real life and not fiction, it’s harder.

On the other hand, I have discovered that once what you were afraid of has happened, there’s nothing to fear anymore. You just do what you have to do, and fake courage until you actually feel it.

This past week my worst nightmare came to life. I cried, I forgot to eat for three days, I did not sleep. To be honest, these days are a blur now, and I (thankfully) remember little about them. But I do remember the paralyzing fear. What will happen now? How will I go on?

Now that I am on the other side of the tragedy and trauma, I realize how much stronger I need to be in order to be truly resilient. In order to be able to lose everything and still go on, like Robin. To build again, out of nothing. To be brave.

To create in the face of fear.

Because, in the end, once the nightmare had passed, for which I am thankful to God, because it was nothing short of a miracle, I realized: Fear is the worst thing that can happen to you and me, and we have to fight against that with all our strength.

Because the worst thing this world can do is steal our life, our work, even our will to go on. But I still have the brain that created this idea, so I can create an even better one. But if I allow another’s crime to stop me from going on, I will be the one who commits the bigger crime: giving up.

And we must never, ever give up.

But it can happen-it’s happened to me. Several times over now. I have lost people I loved, I have lost my life’s work, I have lost everything. I admit it, I have given up. People can and will step on your heart without a moment’s notice. They don’t care. So what do you do?

I can’t tell you what to do; I barely knew what to do myself a week ago. But I can only tell you what I am willing to do.

I will continue to dream up legends set in deadly forests and maidens trapped in towers who decide to turn into assassins (the maidens not the towers). I will continue to write about my favorite outlaw who has lost his way to the light, but is fighting, fighting with all he has, to find it. And I will let the whole world know (or at least the few people who are interested.) I will not sit in bed and cry all day (well, not any more.) I will accept that I have a right to feel awful about what happened to me, that it wasn’t something I deserved in any way, and move on.

I will publish my new Robin Hood book. I will not be afraid. I was knocked down, but I will not stay down. If you have read any of my books, you must know how big of a part my faith plays in my life and my personality. So, I will step out in faith, and I will walk not by sight but by faith.

Because that’s what writing a book is, after all. Pure faith. Faith that someone will be there to read these words that come pouring out of you like your heart’s blood, sweat and tears. Faith that it will do good in the world. It will be read, and, even if it’s not understood or appreciated, at least it will exist.

Let anyone try to wipe my books from existence. I will still be here, and as long as I’m here, by the grace of God, I will write. I will stay.

I will not be afraid. At least, I’ll try. It took me a bit of time, but I’m finally doing it. I’m stepping out there. Out of my comfort zone, but also out of my pain.

The Outlaws books are still out there, waiting for you. If you had preordered Die For You, thank you from the bottom of my heart. These preorders no longer exist, because of the horrible thing that happened to my work, but the book is up again. You can preorder it again, as I have put it up for sale once more. If you are still interested, please place your preorder again.

Start binging the Outlaws series now, so that you’ll be ready when Die For You (Book 5) comes out:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086YPTP9V

Correct reading order of the Outlaws Books:

Hood
Everything I Do
Every Wrong Right
Sleep, Robin Hood
Die For You

(more coming soon)

The real cover and exact publication date reveal for Die for You are still coming in December (on the 22nd). (Follow my instagram @ mcfrank_author for the countdown. The reveal will be posted on there first!)

As a small thank you for your support during one of the worst times in my life, I am sharing a celebratory November Book Club Selections, a few select heavily discounted (up to 40%, but most of them FREE or 99c) romance books. Just click the image below and grab whatever strikes your fancy.

See you in the forest,