Twas the Night Before Surgery

Hard to say.

In the past week I have found myself feeling a bucket load of feelings - scared, angry, frozen, empowered, excited, ready, and wanting to cancel it all. My face in the picture says it all.

I questioned my reasoning for going through such a brutal surgery and was constantly reminded by my therapist of the reason: I deserve to live in a body that doesn’t constantly hurt or feel uncomfortable. There are medical complications with the post mastectomy/infection implants. They have to come out at some point so might as well be now.

At the marking appointment, I turned to the mirror and my heart stopped. So many lines, numbers, and entire areas of flesh bordered off where they will cut. It’s unnerving to see, leaving me terrified of the what ifs and the recovery.

Surgery begins at 7:30am tomorrow and will take anywhere from six to eight hours. There is a lot of scar tissue and complications to clear out and my skin, rendered thin from the infection, is very delicate. I will remain in the hospital for at least two nights to monitor for blood clots. The hope is that I discharge Sunday.

Once again, my amazing parents have rented a condo for me to stay and heal. They still don’t think a home with two kids, four animals, and a husband is a peaceful place to heal.

I will again have four drains and this recovery will be even more brutal than the original mastectomy. But like my therapist reminds me (don’t you love how much they repeat themselves), I have done the work. I am ready.

One of my best camp gals, Alex, has flown cross country to be by my side (because we all know Jordan is better on the golf course, than in the hospital). In true camp girl fashion, she has brought merch and will be wearing a “Boob Doula” hat. Maybe I should’ve had someone less funny to come because I hear post surgery laughs are painful.

Throughout all of my hard things in life, I have been blessed to have a village of friends and family come and support me near and far. This time is no different.

If you’re the praying kind, toss some prayers or jazz hands. Send me some funny memes or messages. I’ll be reading them when I can’t sleep tonight and throughout recovery.

Boob Voyage! It’s been real leftie and rightie, but times up! Tits up!