Religious People Are the Biggest Atheists (They Just Don’t Know It Yet)

Dekho dekho kaun aya. Maya Nagri ka raja. A raja without a praja. A raja that shares age-old fundas, just done in a new packaging. Not that anyone wanted it, or asked for it. But when you come up with a funda so good, how can you deprive your readers the joy of being tortured with this new found wisdom?

Vaise, to be honest, sometimes I surprise myself when I think of such cool things. Like I literally sit and wonder… how the fuck did I even think of that. Am I some sort of a genius?

I mean, I definitely wasn’t like this when I was a kid. I think I can be honest and accept and admit that I was kind of a dumbass. So… what happened? Kya main haalaat ka shikaar hoon? Majboori mein smart banna pada? Is this all a survival tactic?

Whatever it is, I like it. I like the intelligence, the smarts, the wisdom, the goods, the good looks, the… you know the drill.

Vaise I’m sure you must have read the title of this piece already so you know what I’m going to be talking about. Yeah, it’s clickbaity but it’s also a lot of fun.

So… enough of the annoying signature Maya Nagri build up. Let’s get to the point, shall we?

I’ve been thinking about why people are so terrified of religion. Like… why is there so much fear? Ki haww, kuch galat na ho jaaye. Haww, kuch galat na bol doon. I mean, religion is like Dilli Pulis. They are supposed to protect you, make you feel safe, and help you out. But instead, they are the ones you’re most scared of. Why? Isn’t it bizarre?

I mean, you could literally die (read: get murdered or killed or maimed or lynched) in the name of religion over something you do by accident or mistake.

• Entered their premises in the wrong attire? Dead.

• Experimented by visualising their god in a different way? Dead.

• Dropped their holy book on the ground? Dead.

• Get a tattoo of their peaceful God on your leg? Dead.

• Brought the wrong snack into their premises? Dead.

Dude, why? Itna kya maarne ka shauk hai?

I feel that religion today is the root cause of a lot of evil in this world – wars, maar-kaat, discrimination, bhed-bhaav, and this endless judgment and division. I’d go so far as to say ki religion is right at the top with capitalism in terms of evil.

And capitalism… I get. It’s an honest evil. Dog-eat-dog world, time is money, hustle culture, maximising profit. The most shaatir people win. It’s an evil you know. It’s not the devil disguised as an angel.

Whereas religion, on the other hand, is basically a sheep in wolf’s clothing. Or... wait... a wolf in sheep’s clothing? Whatever. You get the point.

See, what is religion? In its very basic form? It’s nothing but the structure and process of reaching God, connecting to God, understanding God’s teachings, and all that jazz. It’s supposed to be a system to help humans lead better, moral lives.

But today, religion is anything but that. Actually, I genuinely believe that religion has nothing to do with God today. Religion has forgotten God. God doesn’t exist for religion anymore. Wow, I said the same thing in 3 different ways. A lot like “tere mast mast do nain, mere dil ka le gaye chaen. Mere dil ka le gaye chaen, tere mast mast do nain”.

Anyway. As I was saying. Instead of God, what exists for religion is massive insecurity, weaponisation of its structure, and the race to see which religion is more superior. It’s more about hating on other religions and considering them inferior.

I’m sure God must be sitting up there thinking, “WTF guys? I’m still here. Mujhe kyun bhool gaye? You built this religion as a ladder to reach me – which was a nice idea – but now you’ve dismantled the ladder and you’re using the wood to build a bonfire to burn anyone you don’t like. Abbey saalon, yeh hai meri learnings?”

And this is not about any one particular religion. I’m talking about the overall concept. Look at the “religious pass” we give people. Anything goes in the name of religion. Like, literally kuch bhi. Kaise bhi. Sab chalta hai. You do whatever you want and no-one bats an eye.

You can have loudspeakers blasting music or teachings at full volume at 4 AM, night-long tamashas, or food stalls blocking half the road. Koi kuch nahi bolta because... religion. Not cool, bro. Not cool at all.

Now imagine if I wanted to do that. Just for a party. Like… maybe, hypothetically speaking, to celebrate the first time I have sex with a lady (this is a hypothetical scenario, friends, I promise). Would they let me do it?

Imagine if I tried to block a street and blast music all night because I’m feeling orgasmic. The cops would be there in ten minutes. I’d need a hundred licences, I’d have to go to “designated areas,” and I’d still get shut down. Why? Just because my party isn’t “sacred”? And it’s about sex? And sex is hawwwwww?

My party is a nuisance, but their chaos is allowed just because of a label?

This proves they don’t care about God’s message of loving your fellow humans and celebrating their joys together and whatever else is in the various writings of the various Gods we have created for ourselves.

All they care about is their process, their method, their religion. Nothing else. I mean, they don’t even care about their own tribe within their religion. Usme bhi cut-throat competition hai. Like who’s more deserving and all that shit.

I mean, where is God in all of this?

So… I think… a weird and beautiful accident has happened: the agnostics and atheists of the world have actually become closer to God today. Than the religious nuts.

Let’s say on average, all humans are the same. That all humans are shit. Not ‘the shit’, but shit. Just shit. They’ve got the same issues, same problems, same buri harkatein, same crimes, same everything.

But when you split the group, between the religious and non-religious, the non-religious people remain the same, more or less. They live by their own moral code, they do the same shit that any other human does, on average.

But, on the other hand, the religious people have one extra layer of things they can do – and more often than not, these are bad things. Wars, division, discrimination, trashing rivers – in the name of religion.

Non-religious people don’t have that.

And it’s not like the religious folks have stopped doing the “normal” bad things either. It’s not like they stopped chasing money or being cruel to animals or killing their brothers over property. They do all of that plus their religious bakwas.

Now, if you go back to the basics – the core reason God and religion were invented was to setup a nice moral code for people to live good lives and not harm others. Since agnostics and atheists are following that code better, at least in comparison to the religious nuts, logically, they are closer to God. Right?

The religious nuts are farther away from God. To the extent ki I think they have unknowingly become atheists. I don’t think they believe in God anymore. Religion is their new God; the OG God is just an excuse now.

I mean, I can bet a 100 bucks on this (gareeb hoon main), but if God ever came to Earth to spread the message of peace, to tell people to love one another, not kill in the name of God, that God will be lynched in public in broad daylight.

Which also means that the OG God will not give space to these religious nuts in heaven. Not that many humans anyway deserve to go to heaven, but just to fill it up, I think some of the agnostics and atheists will be allowed to get in. And the confusion will be hilarious.

Picture this: the agnostics and atheists will be standing in front of the gates thinking, “Shit yaar, galti kar di, bhagwan ko nahi mana, ab heaven aur hell ke gate pe khade hain. Hume to laga tha hum bas atom hain and space dust bann jayenge, lekin yahan to laudey lagg gaye, ab bitaani padegi eternity jahannum mein”.

And God is standing at the counter with that stamp, looking all disappointed but saying, “Haan haan tension nakko, jaao heaven mein, tumne mujhe maana nahi, lekin tumne life theek thaak ji li”.

And then some extreme religious nuts would be coming dancing towards heaven, all ready to get in, but God would kick them in the ass and throw them in hell while they wonder WTF just happened.

I don’t believe in any of this personally – I’m an agnostic. I feel kuch to hoga but I have no idea what or how or where or when. I mean, I definitely don’t think any of our current stories make sense. Be it any God or any religion.

The only thing that’s ever come close to making sense of life and the afterlife for me is a TV show called The Good Place. Once I finished it, I knew I had watched something truly great and thought-provoking.

Anyway, I’m not here to promote a show. I just wanted to explore this thought, and I did. Maza aaya. Mujhe to, at least.

I’m sure you must have noticed that I have deliberately not spoken about or named any one particular religion although I would have loved to. I want to live, you see.

I hate this fear of religion. It’s the scariest thing in the world, and I don’t think people fear anything else more – including the God they claim to follow. The one who apparently created the universe and everything in it and has all the answers to all the questions we’ve ever had. If I believed in an entity like that, I’d be scared. I’d be fucking scared. And I’d live the best life possible.

But the actual religious people? Fear God? Hah! No. They’re too busy fearing their religion and hating everyone else.