The DSA is having a (weird) moment

Have you seen the DSA co-chair (aka Socialist Jesse Raphael)?

She keeps giving interviews that make her seem like a psy op designed to make people dislike the DSA. After listening to her, I feel like DSA members probably watch Die Hard and root for Asian Dawn.

I guess we’re pendulum swingers that must go from far right to left now. My hatred of all things 🍊 is giving me mixed feelings…because do we really have to swerve all the way to the other pole of kooky extremism?

The more you live inside your phone, the more convinced you are that America should either be socialist or fascist. I still don’t understand how we’re expecting a country that won’t even go for unions to be cool with swing state socialism. Like, how about we do unions first? Wouldn’t that be a good step in…eh, forget it. That’s just me and my dumb logic brain.

But maybe they can sell it because…AIPAC.

ICYMI: AIPAC is to the DSA what trans is to MAGA…and “say genocide” is their “cry uncle.” In addition to proving you are a moral superhero, condemning AIPAC is basically code for “get money out of politics” which okay, sure, but maybe we could save some of that vitriol for the 190 other lobbying groups that spend more than AIPAC?

Re: “genocide,” I can’t help but wonder if antisemites realize that endlessly arguing over the legal definition of a word is actually the most Jewish behavior imaginable.

But they can’t help it. “Platforming,” “lived experience,” “genocide”...these are all words you can just drop into a convo and then you automatically win and the other person needs to DO BETTER. Pretty magical stuff.

Btw, have you noticed how the people who love all this the most are under 40? My theory: Gen Z didn’t experience the last century, which is why they keep trying to bring back things like socialism, antisemitism, and jorts.

Gems

💎 I know how to get affordable housing built: Start referring to it as “AI data centers.” The big wigs will find a way.

💎 If dogs could speak, I feel like the first thing they’d say is “Actually, we hate bandanas.”

💎 Those who can, do. Those who can’t, podcast.

💎 fitness rage bait = fit bait

💎 DC! (Well, Arlington.) I’m coming at ya live August 21. Tickets here.

💎 My big conspiracy theory is segregation was started by water fountain manufacturers. Blame Big Water Fountain!

💎 I always set mousetraps using organic peanut butter because the little guys deserve a gourmet last meal.

💎 It’s no coincidence that low T rhymes with goatee.

💎 We eliminated bullying and look at us now. I feel like we owe bullying an apology.

💎 I wish to live inside the Venn diagram overlap of “looks impressive” and “not a lot of work.” For example: Big ice cubes. People are wildly impressed by them even though it’s still just frozen water. I talked about that here:

💎 Watching p0rn is illegal in Texas. More like LONGHORNY if you ask me.

💎 Everyone on social media haaaaaated journalists so damn much until it came time for someone to find out if Mitch McConnell is alive. Now, it’s 24/7 kvetching about the lack of the profession we furiously attacked for years. Maybe if everyone didn’t crap all over “the lamestream media” for a decade, there’d still be some old school reporters with contacts inside that hospital.

💎 No one drinks or has sex anymore. GLP-1s mean we don’t gorge on food. Gambling apps are everywhere. So of course Las Vegas is struggling.

💎 You’re into ethical non-monogamy? I get it. I’m into artisanal shoplifting and respectable identity theft.

💎 You’ve seen my last special, right?

Gonna be taping another one soooooon.

💎 Hoops talk: When pundits say you have “one of the best contracts in the league,” that likely means you have one of the worst agents in the league.

💎 Lip filler ladies look like they put their mouth in a Swedish pen1s pump.

💎 Non-neurodivergent is a lot of syllables to say normal.

💎 The human brain was not built to handle social media. It’s wild to expect people to process jokes, hate speech, activism, news, and unlikely animal friends in rapid fire succession.

💎 The Odyssey is rebooted IP. Totally the same plot as The Warriors.

💎 Nini Munoz (“science communicator”) on Fauci:

I am reminding folks: science is the process of reducing uncertainty, or, put another way, becoming progressively less wrong.

And somehow, people keep treating evidence of that process as evidence that scientists were lying (This is about Dr. Fauci...AGAIN).

Science begins with observations and hypotheses that are tested as we collect evidence. Then it discards those that don’t survive, refines ones that do, and updates conclusions.

The right way to talk about science (and a lot of other things too) is less emphasis on “was it always right?” and more on “does it keep getting more right?”

💎 You know how Triumph ends sentences with “for me to poop on”? I’ve started doing that with new technology, but I use the phrase “if you’re a shut-in.” This new app that makes it so you never have to [go outside, talk to someone else, etc.] is really great (if you’re a shut in).

💎 You never hear about gay incels. Pretty good advertisement for going gay.

💎 Can you be an anchor on MSNOW who does NOT wear glasses or is that not allowed by the network?

The race war will begin in…the WNBA!?

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