What 35 Year Olds Know That 25 Year Olds Don't

I feel sorry for the 25 year old version of me.

And honestly, most 25 year olds.

There’s this relentless pressure to become someone, to build something, to see the world and soak it all in. To prove your worthiness to some weird combination of your parents and your high school bullies.

It’s hard to enjoy life when everyone insists you’re in your golden era.

But something shifts when you enter your 30’s.

Many say that it’s that you stop caring what people think. That’s part of it. But I think it’s something deeper…

Age gives you empathy.

By 35, you’ve experienced more peaks and valleys. People close to you have passed away. Many dreams and expectations didn’t come true. You’ve fucked up. You’ve been betrayed. You’ve been heartbroken, oftentimes more than once. Wrinkles have emerged. Muscles take longer to recover. Years start to accelerate. You start to see it…the thing your elders talked about.

But that incoming tide isn’t as frightening as you expected because you realize that we all go through it. Every being on this planet goes through the birth-entropy process. A process that makes one thing clear: You are not invincible.

That recognition of fragility opens your heart and makes you want to be there for others because you now know what it means to hurt.

In the The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, he explains that true joy comes from giving love. That we are at our happiest when we direct our love outward.

Andrew Huberman explored something similar on his podcast. Gratitude lists, it turns out, don’t move the needle much. What really generates joy is receiving gratitude. Being of service and receiving a thank you, a hug, a recognition of our giving.

There’s a reason grandma insisted she cook and that you eat your whole plate and that your stomach be full. Your belly-filled smile was her greatest gift.

At 25 we’re mostly in survival mode, chasing things for ourselves. It’s a pursuit that inevitably leads to more frustration, not less.

But at 35, we realize our best moments were the ones where we felt most connected, where we were there for someone.

Now imagine what we’ll know at 85 :)

Love,

Matt