Callie woke up to Mando headbutting her in the face. “Mando!”
It was a habit the cat had picked up when he wanted something or wanted to tell you he loved you. It could go either way. In this case, it seemed Motron had pushed his brother out of the way of the food bowl, and Mando was hungry. Callie reached down and grabbed some food and put it in the extra bowl they kept around for such an incident. “There you go, little buddy.”
She touched her stomach. Was that a flutter? She was out of her mind, she thought, but it did remind her she needed to set that doctor’s appointment and tell Matt. She headed back into the bedroom to change into real clothes for the day. If she woke Matt now, he’d still be exhausted from the fire; he wouldn’t really be able to enjoy the news.
That’s what she told herself as she left him sleeping. She could see the soot under his nails from the night before; it hadn’t all washed off in the shower. This is right, she told herself. But she decided to tell someone else. She left a quick note on the counter, said goodbye to Mando and Motron, and headed out.
Her conversation with the pastor had gone better than expected. It gave her hope that her mom would react with joy and not abject horror that her daughter was pregnant out of wedlock, but she still felt a bit of trepidation. She couldn’t be sure how her mother would react, but she wanted to tell her. Not sure why she wanted her mother to know before Matt, but telling her mom made sense.
Callie had lost her dad the year before. It had been hard. She was still surprised that grief could hit her after this long, but there were still moments when a song came on or a moment happened and she wanted to tell him. The morning she’d tested positive on that test, she realized, should have been one of them, but she’d been too nervous to think about who to tell other than Matt. Now she only wanted to tell her mom, in the way that little girls want to share everything with their mothers. It felt right to tell her before Matt. Like a special secret.
She almost knocked on the door, but realized that was stupid. This was the family home; she’d been coming here for years. Entering, she gave a yell, “Hello! Mom. It’s me!”
“Oh, honey. It’s so good to see you.” Her mother hugged her. “Can you believe that fire?”
Callie should have known that would be the first thing mentioned. “Crazy, isn’t it? I can’t believe the daycare center is gone. It’s sort of why I came by, but we can get to that in a minute. Matt was out all night with the fire department. He’s at home sleeping now.”
Her mother looked at her. Really looked at her. Then her face turned into something that Callie would describe later as a little bit ugly. “You went and got yourself pregnant, didn’t you?”
Callie was a bit shocked that her mother figured it out. Although Meg had, too. “Um. Yea. I mean, it wasn’t planned. But I’m happy about it. I was hoping you would be too. It’s before the wedding, but it’s still a good thing. I mean, it’s a baby. And Pastor Martin said…”
“Do you think I care what Pastor Martin said? I care about what the rest of this town is going to think. Not everything is decided by that Pastor. The whole town is going to know you got knocked up before you got married, and that’s all they are going to know. Don’t you want to fit into your wedding dress?”
Callie hadn’t thought about the wedding dress. A bit of tears started to come to her eyes, but it wasn’t about the dress. “Mom, I was hoping you’d be happy for me.”
“For you? Or you and Matt? Have you even told him?”
Her mother always could see right through her.
“I’ve only known a couple days, and with the fire...”
“I swear, Callie, you are so irresponsible, first you get pregnant, then you don’t tell that boy, and now you think I should support you in this. You could get rid of it, you know.”
Callie gasped. “Mom!”
“I’m saying it’s an option. It would make everything easier, and Matt never needs to know.”
“I’m leaving. I can’t believe you want me to kill my baby.”
“I didn’t say kill. You said yourself you’ve known two days. How could you be that far along?” She reached out and took Callie’s hands. “Callie,” she said earnestly, “When I was eighteen, I got pregnant and I did what I had to do. I’m not ashamed of it. A woman’s body is her own. Think about it. I’m serious.”
“Who are you?” Callie ripped her hands from her mother’s and rushed from the house. This news was too much to handle. The judgment too harsh. Get rid of her baby. The thought never crossed her mind. She slowed down by the end of the block, the surge of energy draining from her as she walked.
Her mother had had an abortion. Her church-going, judgy mother who was always “perfect.” The news flabbergasted her. It felt like a bad joke that she recommended it to her. Callie touched her stomach; if she did have one, she wouldn’t have to tell Matt ever. She could have it done, and this would be over. Her hand went to the bag in her purse that she’d never emptied. The one introducing him to fatherhood. She’d been so happy. But now there was a way out. A way she could be a bride that fit her dress, a bride that fit the mold. Megan would never judge her. Pastor Martin probably would.
Callie shook her head. She wasn’t seriously thinking about this, was she? All so she could fit in her dress and some people in town wouldn’t judge her. She’d never cared much about what people thought; that was her mother’s shtick. No, she was keeping the baby, and that was final. She’d tell Matt later.
Callie sat on the couch in her pajamas. She was surrounded by all the things that made her comfortable: her favorite blanket, a bowl of ice cream, the remote so she could watch her favorite TV show, and tissues, which weren’t for comfort as much as to deal with the tears that kept popping up. Mando and Motron slept beside her. She couldn’t believe her mother had suggested she get rid of the baby.
She couldn’t believe her mother had gotten rid of a baby. How had her mother justified all these years of judgment only to be keeping the biggest secret of them all?
Callie took another bite of ice cream and sniffled a little. She was sure she was taking this worse because of the hormones raging through her body. Maybe she should wake Matt? She shook her head; then she’d have to tell him. She didn’t know why, but she was putting it off.
Matt needed to know. There was no reason not to tell him. They wanted kids one day. He might even be happy for her like Megan was. Or he could lose it like her mother had. Either way, he had a right to know. But she still couldn’t work up the nerve to tell him. She left him sleeping.
She settled in to wallow for a little while so he could sleep.
Callie went for a walk in the evening and missed Matt, who woke up and headed into work early. She was relieved. The shock of her mother’s realization was wearing off. Her tearfulness had given way to anger and seething. She had hoped the walk would burn off some of her energy.
She arrived home and was hit with a wave of tiredness. Being pregnant was crazy. She headed to bed early.
Callie woke to pain. Her stomach hurt. It was a cramp. It let up a little. She stood up, but there was another; it was harder this time. A bit like a bad period. She made it to the bathroom. There was blood. Now she was freaking out. She hurried from the restroom and grabbed her cell. Another wave of pain hit her. She did her best to ignore it as she dialed Matt’s number. There was no answer. Not surprising when he was on shift.
She hung up and dialed 911. Calling her mom for a ride to the hospital didn’t feel like an option after the revelation. Mando and Motron followed her through the house as she got her shoes on and headed to the front room. It was slow going as cramps hit.
The ambulance arrived and knocked on the door. Opening it, she saw two paramedics, neither that she recognized as working with Matt; that was good. Though, in a small town, she was positive they did know him, but he was new, so word wouldn’t get back to him.
“Can you tell us what’s going on?”
Callie said, “I’m pregnant and…”
Callie didn’t get anything else out before everything went black.
Callie woke from a dead sleep. At first, she thought maybe Mando was nearby, but then she felt it. The sharp cramp in her belly. It felt like a bad period cramp; she’d had those her whole life, so she felt a little used to it. She stood, thinking she could walk it off like she did bad period cramps, but the next wave hit harder. Then there was something wet between her legs. She rushed to the bathroom—blood. Without being a patient on record, she had no doctor to call. Another cramp made her feel nauseous. More at the thought that this was really happening. She stumbled out of the room and dialed 911.
She made her way downstairs. Stopping every few steps, she doubled over when the pain got too bad. She threw up halfway down the stairs and knew Matt would find it and wonder.
As they put her on the stretcher, she realized they would call him. How mad would he be?
She closed her eyes as she let the drugs the paramedic gave her calm her worries and passed out.
Chapter 8 (July 31)
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