I survived being invisible

Little strawberry, you have been afraid to be alone all your life. You wanted people next to you to tell you how loveable and perfect you are in their presence. You relied on others’ words and opinions about you. In your head, you repeated that “you were bad.” The garden in your heart was dried up, swiveled. Self-care? Wasn’t there.

Then sweet turnip, how did you grow? You grabbed the first person who smiled at you, who gave a compliment, who turned their head toward you. You latched on to Carol, your childhood friend you adored, you wanted her to be your confidant. She also was fun and made you laugh. Even when she betrayed you over and over, you stayed loyal. You loved her deep and never expressed it to her.

MB, we think that betrayal became your MO. Unconsciously, you desperately sought those that would hurt you, so you could feel the familiar growing up. You continued to feel lost, and invisible. That was how you survived… latched on to someone more beautiful, more charismatic, more fun; someone who would supply your every need. We missed you then, sweet Mary Beth. We created you to express your ideas, to act on your intuition, to say no.

Sweetheart, you let others decide where you went to college, who to marry, who were your friends, what you liked and what you wanted to do.

Your vacuous garden heart could only follow someone or something else. Nothing was planted, it was all ripped away, cleared like preparing for winter. You mirrored others thinking that was the best way to survive. The MB seeds had blown away and just disappeared. We saw you attach yourself to the first extended hand. Was it first come, first serve?

Mary Beth, our loveable and darling child, we are so incredibly happy to see how you talk about loving yourself, how you care for yourself now, how you look for healing and WE ARE PROUD.