You probably know who your friends voted for. Every cringe-worthy detail of their situationship. But do you know how much credit card debt they're carrying? How much money they made last year?
Probably not.
Because we’ve been taught that financial success (or failure) is a personal, individualistic endeavor. If you’re struggling, it must be your fault. You made bad choices. You’re irresponsible. You’re bad with money.
So we don’t talk about it. We suffer quietly. We buy the course, read the book, download the app, and when it doesn’t work, we assume we’re the problem.
But you’re not the problem.
The system is.
Knowing doesn’t equal doing
We’ve been sold this idea that if we just know what to do, if we just read the right book, take the right course, learn about compound interest, we’ll magically start making better decisions.
Except it doesn’t work. Because the problem was never that you didn’t have the right template.
You already know what to do.
You know you should save more. You know the credit card interest is eating you alive. You know you’re spending too much on delivery. You know, you know, you know.
The problem was never your knowledge. The problem is that you’re trying to win a game that’s rigged against you.
Your brain isn’t broken. Your environment is.
Our brains are genius, but they weren’t designed to navigate the complexity of modern money. Credit card APRs, retirement accounts with fifty investment options, buy-now-pay-later at checkout, ads that follow you across every device you own.
Some think the solution is willpower. Discipline. “Just say no.” Manifest your way to wealth. Tell yourself you’re “not someone who makes mistakes with money.”
But that just creates a shame spiral. When you inevitably spend money on something you “shouldn’t,” you feel like a failure. You internalize it. I’m bad with money. I have no self-control.
Meanwhile, the system that’s designed to extract money from you gets off scot-free.
Credit card companies target college students. People who are notoriously broke and don’t fully understand compound interest yet.
Shopping sites tell you “5 other people are looking at this right now” to create fake urgency. There’s a countdown timer on a discount that’s “only valid for 47 seconds.”
You get an ad for those shoes you looked at once, on every single website you visit for the next month.
And then we’re told: “Well, if you were just more disciplined...”
I’m sorry but fuck that that.
If you want to change your financial decisions, you don’t need to change yourself. You need to change your environment.
What actually works
The people who succeed with money aren’t the ones with the most willpower. They’re the ones who set up systems that work even when willpower fails.
Some examples.
Create a Financial Health Day
We take sick days when we’re physically unwell. We take mental health days when we’re burnt out. Why don’t we take financial health days? This is where my Weekly Money Ritual comes in.
Pick one day. Once a week. Do all the money stuff you’ve been avoiding. Open that high-yield savings account. Set up the automatic transfer. Unsubscribe from marketing emails. Delete the shopping apps off your phone.
Not because you’re “fixing” yourself. Because you’re setting up an environment where the right choice is the easy choice.
Limit access (literally)
If DoorDash is killing your budget, don’t rely on willpower to stop ordering. Link it to a prepaid debit card that you load with a set amount each month. When it’s gone, it’s gone.
Say no to cookies. Don’t default to “Allow All”. Delete the shopping app you’re always on.
It’s not restriction. It’s a boundary. And boundaries aren’t punishment. They’re protection.
Automate the “future you” lie
We all think our future self is going to be more disciplined, more organized, more responsible. (Spoiler: she’s not.) But you can use that delusion to your advantage.
Studies show that when people are asked to commit money they haven’t received yet (like a tax refund or a raise), they save significantly more than when asked to save money they already have. Because committing your future money feels easier than committing your present money.
So set it up now: “If I get a raise, automatically increase my retirement contribution by 10%.” “Every time I get paid more than $X, save Y%.”
Harness the lie. Let future-you do the heavy lifting.
Thanks for reading Mary & Pip! This post is public so feel free to share it.
One goal at a time
This one surprised me, but the research is clear: people who focus on one savings goal at a time save significantly more than people juggling multiple goals.
Not because they’re more disciplined. Because our brains can’t handle decision fatigue.
Pick one thing. Emergency fund. Pay off that credit card. Down payment. Whatever. Make that the thing. Everything else can wait.
The problem is that financial education focuses on knowledge when what we actually need is better infrastructure.
I’m not saying knowledge doesn’t matter. Of course it does. But if you’re sitting there thinking, “If I just understood investing better, if I just had more discipline, if I just tried harder...”
Stop!
You’re not failing because you don’t know enough. You’re navigating a system designed to make you spend, feel bad about it, and then spend more to feel better.
The answer isn’t another course. It’s recognizing that and building an environment that works with your brain, not against it.
So start your ritual. Load the prepaid card. Pick one goal. But take it one step at a time.
Love yourself enough to stop fighting the current and start building a raft.
Name one part of your financial environment that’s working against you right now. Not a character flaw. Not a discipline problem. An actual, tangible thing. An app, a linked account, a notification, a habit loop.
And then this week, change it.
Because you’re not bad with money. The game is just rigged.
And once you see that, you can stop playing by their rules.
See ya next week!
Xoxo,
MHN
This content is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as financial advice. I am not providing personalized investment advice or recommendations. Everyone’s financial situation is unique - please consult with a qualified financial professional before making any investment decisions. Any strategies or products mentioned reflect my personal experience and are not endorsements.
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.