Four Old Guys Journey To The Center Of The Earth

Wally: Have you ever invented anything?
Jack: I invented the Jackburger.
Vern: Putting vanilla ice cream and strawberries on a hamburger bun is not an invention.
Floyd: Vern is right. It is a culinary creation. Like my Floydritto.

Wally: SPAM and ketchup wrapped in a tortilla is nasty, Floyd.
Jack: My Dad made me eat SPAM when I was a kid.
Vern: My Dad made me mow the lawn—all five acres—with a push mower.
Floyd: My Dad made me mow our lawn, plus our four neighbors’ lawns, while eating a Floydritto.

Wally: Well, I actually invented something when I was a kid. The Reverse Pogo Stick.
Jack: Right. And I invented electric-powered solar panels.
Vern: I invented air.
Floyd: No, you invented gas. Disgusting-smelling gas.

Wally: Seriously. The Reverse Pogo Stick bounced down instead of up. And it dug a hole as it bounced.
Jack: Your story is digging a hole.
Vern: I fell in a huge hole once on the way to school. It was covered with leaves. And there was dog poop at the bottom.
Floyd: I know. Who do you think dug it? I was watching from the big oak tree. I still smile whenever I think about it.

Wally: Anyway, the first time I used my reverse pogo stick, I started digging deep down into the Earth. As I reached the lower levels of the Earth’s interior, I discovered glowing mushrooms. I knew then that my device would appeal to both scientists and explorers.
Jack: I think I saw this movie. The one with Pat Boone.
Vern: Did you ever hear that Pat Boone heavy metal album?
Floyd: Yeah. I play it whenever I want my cats to throw up.

Wally: Where do you think they got the idea for the movie from? Me. Although most scientists believe the Earth’s core is solid iron mixed with nickel.
Jack: Did you find any nickels? Or dimes?
Vern: I found a silver dollar in a hole once.
Floyd: Under the dog poop? It’s mine! Did you reach the center of the Earth, Wal?

Wally: Nope. I heard my Mom call out, “Dinner time.” So I flipped the switch on the pogo stick and bounced back out. After dinner, I went outside, and the pogo stick was gone.
Jack: I’ll bet it was that Billy Quickfingers. He was always stealing stuff.
Vern: Yeah, and then he just disappeared that summer.
Floyd: I wonder if he made it to the center of the Earth?

Wally: I don’t care what scientists think. They are always changing what the scientific facts are. Anyone who has watched movies knows that the center of the Earth is really a subterranean ocean. And there is a good possibility that there are dinosaurs or incredibly large chickens roaming around. And giant lava-proof clamshells that people can use to ride up the vent of an erupting volcano and return to the surface.
Jack: We should go.
Vern: I’ll call Pat Boone.
Floyd: Tell him not to bring any albums.

Thanks for reading and responding. You make it fun.

Mark