Far Cries and Pirates

Sometimes, people ask “Why doesn’t America have the metric system?” And the answer is “Pirates!”

In 1793 the young American republic was looking for a new standard. Across the Atlantic, the young French republic had just invented the metric system. So Thomas Jefferson decided that this new system of weights and measures would be perfect for the new nation.

But you need a starter pack. You have to have one original kilogram and you can then copy it and test it against other kilograms and the whole thing can spread out. So Jefferson wrote to the French, who were all keen on the idea. They despatched a scientist called Joseph Dombey with all the stuff you need to become metric.

But the ship was attacked by pirates. Dombey was kidnapped and held prisoner on Montserrat where he died.

And that’s why America doesn’t have the metric system.

The kilogram that Dombey was carrying survived, and was auctioned off with the rest of Dombey’s possessions. It was in private hands for a century and a half, but is now owned by the National Institute of Standards and Technology in the USA.

I don’t want to enter into a debate about whether metric or imperial measures are best, because I have a system that it better than either of them.

I’ve always liked the phrase “a far cry” as a measure of distance. The origin is obvious when you think about it, a far cry is the distance that a shout can be heard. It is, essentially, the same as earshot.

But what distance is that exactly? Mr Google tells me that the farthest cry that can actually be understood comes in at around 180 metres or 200 yards.

But if you’re just trying to hear that somebody shouted, then it all comes down to the conditions. Apparently the best place for the ambitious screamer is next to still water at night. The Guinness Book of Records says that this can be heard from 17km (10.5 miles), which is most of the way up Lake Windemere.

But I think it best to stick to the average when looking at these things. Though a trained athlete can throw a stone (or a baseball) 135 metres (442 feet), the average person can only manage about 36 metres (118 feet). Similarly, for spitting distance: the world record is 29 metres (95 feet), but the average person can only manage about 1.5 metres (5 feet). Touching distance is simpler. The averagedly-armed human-being can do about 75cm or 30 inches.

People tend to argue endlessly about the merits and otherwise of the metric and imperial systems. But I would like to introduce a whole new system, based on Humanity and COMMON SENSE.

My new, entirely rational system works like this.

Touch = 75cm

Spit = 150cm

So 1 spit = 2 touches

A stone’s throw = 36m = 24 spits = 48 touches

A far cry = 180m = 5 stones throws = 120 spits = 240 touches

Why say that something is 283 yards away, which is boring and conventional, when you can express exactly the same distance as a far cry, three stone’s throws, four spits and a touch?

It’s much simpler.