Never argue over taste

Taste is subjective

There is an old saying that you can’t argue about taste, and the reason is that taste is subjective. I can’t tell you whether or not you like pineapple on your pizza because that is your taste, but I hear people argue about things like this all the time. Let’s say, for example, you really like a song on the radio, and you say, “This is the best song in the world,” and the person next to you says, “No, this is the worst song.” Suddenly, maybe your feelings are hurt because you just meant it as a kind of fun proclamation, so now you feel a need to defend yourself. This is the start of a power struggle. What could have been an interesting coversation about a shared love of music, becomes a black and white power struggle over who is smarter or who has better musical taste, etc.. How many times have you been in superficial arguments like this, over what is the best movie, who is the best sports player, etc.? How did it make you feel? What was the point? If people can be this dichotomous about taste, one might imagine how bad things can get with religion and politics, where there is a power struggle already woven into the very fabric of the subject matter.

The good news is that, as you become more aware of your motive in a conversation, and are able to approach people from a dialectical place of wanting to understand them, this often allows them to explore that place. I say “often,” but not always, as sometimes people can be in such a damaged or stubborn place that being dialectal is nearly impossible. My father, for example, was a lifelong alcoholic, and once I realized that he wasn’t capable of being dialectical due to his own childhood trauma, it was not only painful, but also required me to figure out how much time I wanted to invest in that relationship, given that it was always going to be a one way street. Having realizations like this can be very difficult, and I wish I had a simple solution to offer you on how to resolve it, but honestly there are no simple solutions for some situations in life, no matter what self-help gurus offer you. I would rather just be honest with you and say, I am sorry for your situation, and I hope you can do the best you can with what you have been given. When I was in rehab, I learned a quote that has always stuck with me, and I remember this young meth addict said it this way. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, that’s you, the courage to change the things I can, that’s me,

and the wisdom to know the difference, that’s hard.”