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rereading my old text messages when i was extremely ill is so groundbreaking. i remember the nature of my messages but not the exact content, so going and reading back on what i was saying online is just really eye-opening to the fact that i was such an awful person. i was really just a textbook bad person, but i'll give myself some grace considering i was in the pits of my mental illness. i…
alright visited my school today (DID NOT MOVE IN YET) caught up with some friends picked out my dorm room and changed my roommate to someone i actually wanna room with so life is all good. i also spoke to my principal regarding safety plans and what to do if i am in crisis and we came to a good agreement on everything, also spoke to my therapist that i have not spoken to in a long time we caught…
everything i love, every friend i have, every relationship that i have ever been in has always ended at one point in time or another. everything i once knew will be over someday. i have no more faith in myself whatsoever to continue going on like this so i firmly believe i will fuck up and sever the last bonds i have. you all tell me you will never leave me, never break up with me, never stop…
i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m supposed to be having a fun vacation instead i’m rotting and smoking i’m my room while i’m meant to be socialising. i pride myself as an extrovert who finds it easy to make friends, and that’s how it seemed at first. everyone spoke to me on day 1 asked me questions about me and spoke to me as well on day 2. and then something switched, i suppose. they don’t…
today i did my makeup pretty well. i followed a tutorial and everything and eventually i was satisfied with the result. but here's the thing, i didn't put on my enlarging contacts (because i'm running out) and when i looked in the mirror, i couldn't recognize myself at all. i stared at my reflection for maybe five minutes and i just couldn't tell who i was, and i can only really look at myself…
i have hit absolute rock bottom. i left summer camp on day 2, i have pushed away all my friends, my boyfriend broke up with me, all i do is argue with my mother and i am living in a house i do not feel like i am welcome in anymore. this is all nobody's fault but mine and i do not know what to do. all i do is cry all day and miss what i once had there is no way out for me anymore and i can only…
so of course i have to make a complimentary post about my boyfriend who i am not dating anymore so i must say ex but that really hurts me to say so i will not say ex but i have to so i will but i am sad oh lord what do i do so far, everything reminds me of him... i feel like i am torturing myself by consuming the things that remind me of him because i am meant to be getting over him and focusing…
tomorrow i am leaving hong kong for half a year. crazy? i'll be gone till spring break of 2027, that is a long ass time. and honestly, i couldn't tell you exactly how i feel, hence the title, ambiguous about change. so let me explain. it's almost like there's 2 of me living inside of me giving me different thoughts and opinions about each thing that happens, and going back to school has split me…
i think as a society, comparison and competition has engulfed us totally and made it impossible for us to function without comparing ourselves to others (exceptions being the narcissistic and overconfident) and the target of this is mostly teenage girls. including me, and including a lot of us, honestly... it's been a while since i've been able to look at myself in the mirror and deem myself…
i will be using the word anhedonia a lot in the next paragraph. thank you now keep reading i am a pseudo-anhedonic girl. but first off, honestly, i have lost all interest in things that used to be fun (excludes: shopping) and cannot focus on one hobby to save my life. all i am doing is studying psychology to further psychoanalyse myself and understand my disorders more but really it isn't working.…