The Mannerly Guide to an Apology

One of the best apologies I remember came from my mom.

I was a newly driving teen, so proud of my license that might have required three or possibly four attempts at the DMV. (I will never claim to be a precise driver.)

I remember walking down the back stairs of my childhood home to meet friends for a movie wearing an outfit I thought was super chic and my mom found to be, let’s just say, super distasteful for a young teen. She commented on my outfit in front of my friends in a way that felt sharp. I was MORTIFIED. I also changed outfits.

That night after the movie, she apologized.

I love reading about the psychology of apology because I want to imitate what I feel like my mom did beautifully. We are human and not robots, which is why knowing how to repair a relationship is one of the most useful skills we can carry, and one of the most important ones we can hand to our children.

Below, for paid subscribers: the six components researchers tested and the ranking that might change how you apologize, a reason we give bad apologies, the timing mistake ‘polite’ people make, and why apologizing properly to your children matters so so much.