He Knows Every Hair

About a month ago I was in the shower, full of anticipation. I had my second dose of AC (Adriamycin + Cytoxan) chemo and was told that is when the hair starts to fall out. I had already shaved my head down to about an inch or so a few days before. It was stubble and felt strange to run my hand over it.

The day I cut my hair was surprisingly full of Joy. Friends came over, we laughed, and my husband clumsily cut my locks. We joked the whole session, and I was beyond grateful when we finished. It was such a consolation on a day I had been dreading.

Yet as the water fell in the shower, I was alone and waiting. Or so I thought.

The first run through my stubble, and I saw chunks of hairs remain in my hands. That’s when I expected the tears to flow, that’s when I expected despair, which had been creeping in the darker corners of my mind to step forward. That’s when I expected I would start to breakdown, as my body so obviously was doing.

There is something powerful about walking humbly with God. Not in a “I’m doing all the right things, everyday, without fail” kind of way but in a simple “Here I am Lord” and that’s all you have to give kind of way. He meets you in the quiet, unexpected moments.

Like in the shower, with your hair falling out, and despair welling up. He whispers a Truth that is written for the ages, to your heart and mind, so you don’t falter but instead rest your head on His merciful heart, letting go of the exhaustion. Despair fleeing in defeat once again.

As the hair washed off my hands I heard words of consolation “I know every hair.”