Hi there, I’m a master occultist and spiritual teacher who was trafficked as a child into the Children of God and then molested by my brother for decades. I went from zero libido, numb pussy, and sex as a chore to those ecstatic tantric states you read about with my husband of nine years, who I scored as a result of healing this trauma.
I’ve taught basic sex magic for five years, now I’m prepping to teach advanced and figured I would offload this key piece onto you.
I could definitely wax poetic for 4000 words (and have, over the years) but it’s really pretty simple, so I bullet-pointed it for you.
The basics:
nothing has a stronger erotic chokehold than the taboo. If it’s not allowed, it’s hot.
there is no stronger taboo than your trauma. Most people don’t even know it’s
there but it’s sooooooooo not allowed.
Therefore: You already have a kink for your trauma, it’s just unconscious. To quote Jung: “until you make the unconscious conscious it will rule your life and you will call it fate” .
Taking pleasure from what caused you pain alchemizes it. Lead (pain) to gold (pleasure)
Making an erotic experience out of the taboo of your trauma will permanently change its composition and control
The biggest detriment to this and what makes it so dangerous is the shame you have and the shame you’d feel if you derived pleasure from it. Remember Giselle Pelicot. Shame has to switch sides. You did nothing to be ashamed of. Taking pleasure from it as a path to healing is you healing. If you’re shaking your head no that’s because it’s taboo. If Giselle wanted to heal extremely fast, she would fantasize about voluntarily being raped while unconscious and maybe even fantasize about enjoying the video afterwards. You don’t need to do it, the fantasy if held properly will suffice.
sexual magic would involve inviting a deity to possess you. Typically once you’ve been possessed by a deity (they use your body, you use their powers) the story will unfold eventually that what happened to you happened also to the deity. This makes it sacred and can make the alchemical container feel more sealed and less risky. I prefer this way.
Once you express a kink you get a new one. You will not be stuck in this kink forever. Most likely it’s a one off. Every kink will probably feel less extreme after this.
Document aloud why you’re not allowed to take pleasure from this story. “If I do it will be like nothing wrong happened.” Correct. “If I do this massively painful story won’t have any weight on me anymore” correct. “If I do I can’t hold it against the abuser anymore.” Correct. Anything can be healed once you stop seeing the value in being sick.
Sexual magic, when done correctly, can greatly reduce the shame and guilt of that makes this process so dangerous. By bringing the sacred to the profane and coming to lean strongly on prayer and invocation, as well as knowing where you’re going, it’s much easier. However, the BDSM community figured this out ages ago. If you’re going at it from the purely kink, not spiritual or occult side, my only disclaimer would be to know, truly know, that this kink is transitory and not your forever kink. You would go “ooooh” at your trauma instead of being enslaved to it. You may even be able to make jokes about it and mean it, like I do with incest.
If you’re alone, have a wank to the setting of your trauma. Find the big keyword and work it. Anonymous intruder, incest, daddy, older sister abuse (oddly common and you’re not alone), held at knifepoint, slavery, etc.
If you’re in partnership, you can ask for help. If this is a big conversation around kink that’s never been had before, it can help to have someone broker the discussion. More on that soon. In the meantime, here is another resource on shame and sexual trauma with excellent results. Please share if you found it useful.
https://youtu.be/Y66fPDJiSh0?si=8zpMhXkt_XFvOFn9
If it’s too scary I’ll show a slower path over the coming weeks that’s much more manageable.
You’re welcome.
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