Guru Diaries: wanting

My husband and I started our personal sex magic ritual 38 days ago, so we have two days left. I think this is the first time we’ve been all in on it since we bought our house, because the hardest thing to cook up has been the wanting.

there’s wanting things, and then there’s wanting things bad enough to do work for, and I didn’t have that.

We build the next year in August, every year. Last year we restructured and developed the mission of 40 day rituals x3 each year, which you see us doing now. This year has been a lot about “smarter not harder”, but again, this year we have the wanting.

Last year our sex magic cash out involved an 870k year and a leaner, meaner business, with a strong family vacation schedule built in and more, but still, the DESIRE wasn’t really there.

The thing is, looking back, I see the desire has always been there but I didn’t want to notice it because it would disrupt my whole life. This is what’s changing

The process (before it was 40 days) was long and I felt the sexual energy come and go, not build and build and build.

Tony Robbins said his secret weapon was that he stayed hungry, I didn’t have that, but I’m developing it now and it’s worth more than the cash out.

But this round is different….

It began with extreme winter anxiety in the beginning of summer, and everyone called me crazy. “How can you be concerned with winter in summer?”, but I was.

There was also the complaining,

We literally can’t travel with our kids right now, we’ve lost so much money. It’s my middle child, she does really bad away from home because she’s eaten the same five foods since she was 18 months old. When they’re not available, she doesn’t eat. Like CANNOT eat. Will sob and cry about being hungry and cannot put the food in her mouth.

so we booked domestic, and the day before we left the whole family came down with strep. Non refundable vacation cancelled, and this has happened SO many times. We’ve easily lost 70k on Air B and B.

We were left with only one choice. Buy a second residence.

Once we admitted it, DAMN, the ritual kicked off. Fuck yeah. We drafted the first and second money strategy, ruling in what would work (1 to many) and firmly eliminating what would not (1:1). In the last 38 days our pre approval house budget went up from 750k to 1.1m, location locked in (New Orleans) and we’ll buy the house when we’re done teaching the public Erotic Wealth. I would love to buy it NOW but August is blackout for us, and we don’t do anything else when we’re teaching a ritual.

on top of that, I have healed my libido after years and years of sexual trauma. I just have to speak to you in plain English. I never thought I’d be a horny girl. I never thought I’d crave sex with my husband or anyone else to the degree that I’m jumping his bones. I figured I just wasn’t a sexual person and maybe it was spiritual. I am so HAPPY to be this person. I really thought it would never happen for me.

Sex with my husband has become the strongest aspect of my physical practice.

Our relationship is the best it’s ever been. He’s got me girling out in my feminine and loving it. Make up, French pedicure, bras, hair, and most of all, relinquishing control.

My husband, as usual, leaves Erotic Wealth with a greater stake in the business, only this time it’s a full 50% and very important.

And then, obviously, because it’s a full family lift off, the kids are experiencing a heightened life as well. More adventure, more friends (a month filled with loud house) and more goals on the horizon.

But this STILL isn’t the biggest gift from sex magic.

Sex magic is about the power of desire, and about the power of hunger, wanting.

It’s not Existential Kink “having is evidence of wanting”, it’s “wanting is evidence of growing”.

Your desires are God’s promises.

Through the physical aspect of sex magic, which is edging with flair (basically), and I must note here that sex magic is sex magic because of psychological and spiritual aspects as well, it’s not a physical process. The physical is the tool, but all Magic exists in the mind.

The biggest gift I’ve gotten, here at the finish line, is a bigger want than I’ve ever allowed myself to wish for, and I’ve been repressing it for years because it seemed so impossible.

I have to reiterate. I have always wanted this, but it seemed so impossible I just gave up. This comes up every year, every ritual, every moment and I’ve just been like “well it’s never going to happen, so make lemonade and get over it.”

I’m over social media, and I’m over being a strictly online teacher.

I’m also over being a non driver in a rural area, but I am NOT a driver.

I’m over making social lemonade when what I want is to be surrounded by people who excite me, and are my age.

I’m over a 45 minute drive to take my kids to classes.

I’m over life in the country full time. I might like it part time, but I’m over it full time. I want to start the chapter of my career that I assumed I would be waiting another 10-15 years to do, unless I had another kid, in which case, reset the timer.

I’m over being confused with a spiritual influencer. I’m a teacher.

I’m over my social media structure and ready for a change, and I know exactly where, and how.

These desires, no longer drifting through my heart when I really stop to tune in, but actively rubbing and cutting at my face. The daily bug, the daily irritation. The lack of “gratitude”, fullness, tolerance and instead being absolutely fucking stir crazy, annoyed, and over it - this is the hunger that created Tony Robbins success. I have it now, and that’s worth more to me than anything else.

I did make a free ten day course (3 minutes a day) on cultivating hunger, rebalancing polarity and rekindling desire. You can find it here