go date a woman then

this year I am having the best summer of my life, no cap. My neighbors are in town and my house has been buzzing with five extra boys, crowding around our brand new PlayStation, fishing, and mowing through literally anything I cook.

When I was a kid I read Little Women and (clearly) fell in love with the character of Jo . books were contraband in the cult I grew up in, so even though I heard rumors of a follow up book called Jo’s Boys, I never read it. googles to see if it actually exists— it does! Oh I HOPE it has the thing I’m looking for.

I always had this dream of having a home filled with boys, running amok and being the “only sane one” in the home, and it’s been coming true this year, but I’m learning such valuable things about man energy, when you see it in its purest form, boy energy.

What works on boys doesn’t work on girls. You can’t manipulate a boy’s feelings to get what you want. You can’t guilt them or shame them, you certainly can’t hint, and you can force but you’ll have to force every single time. An easy way to think of it is dogs and cats.

a cat you can be sly with, hint at, side eye, and a cat will get it. A cat will feed itself responsibly, go outside to use the bathroom, privately, and has plenty of magnetic attitude and style.

a woman doesn’t need to be told, she can just swoop on in, plunge her hands into the task, see what needs to be helped and help.

cat like.

If you want a woman to do something for you, bring feelings to the table without a clear solution, because women make things bigger and men make things smaller.

this is a GOOD thing. Have you ever tried praying to the feminine? Just saying all your problems? It’s great. Works really fast too because the feminine doesn’t need to be told what to do, which is good, because you don’t know what to do. You make a mess out of things. Mi luv divine feminine. BUT ALSO

if you think it’s sugar, spice, and everything nice, you’ve never experienced a girl group turning on you. YOWCH.

Men stab, women poison. You don’t know you’ve been killed till you’re dead.

But men, boys, are different.

first of all, you cannot fight your way through. I repeat, you cannot fight your way through. You will not win. It will be a long fight. Power vs force here. And no emotional manipulation is going to work. You can cry, and that really does work well, but it’s short term and won’t really change anything. Cry if you want support, not change. Cry whenever you want, it really does work to break the energy, but it won’t actually work for change and if it’s your go to move, as a survival tactic they will stop taking it seriously.

Dogs.

Dogs are motivated by treats and affection. Reward whatever you want to see more of. Praise. Lay it on thick. They can really RECEIVE all that “good dog” unabashedly. I call it “shining like a sunflower”. Us women, we block and parry and deflect compliments until we learn otherwise but the men… they shine like sunflowers to be praised.

Now, women will get like “well he doesn’t praise me so why should I praise him”

Ho, he also doesn’t NAG you but you nag him. Women talk more, and that’s okay, but it’s not like you’re an endless stream of love and adoration. You have no idea how quickly the filters can be set to criticism, vitriol, nagging, venting, worrying, complaining, and talking about people not in the room. They’re also taking all that in and, you don’t need to change. If you bring that to a woman they’ll add their own and, somehow, solutions appear. Or at least you feel seen and heard. Talking works… for women.

but men and boys don’t talk with words, they talk with behavior. A very masculine word is “obviously”

Obviously I love you, because I’m here.

Obviously I think you’re gorgeous, because I have a hard on.

Obviously it’s not that big of a deal, because other people’s issues are not our issues.

Obviously our child isn’t dying of undiagnosed cancer because they are obviously healthy.

But I used to get so upset. So so so upset that my husband was not more verbose, softer. I was frustrated that I had to “tell him to do everything” when the truth is, I never had to tell him to do any man things. I’ve never asked for him to do dishes, laundry, or go to the dump. I don’t know where he learned how to winterize a house, or what a standing seam roof is, because I never asked him.

After five years of coaching couples, I can tell you one thing I’ve heard the hard way. Never underestimate how much an underfucked woman can complain. Years and years of blaming a perfectly good man, supporting the family.

Underfucked does not mean he doesn’t grab you more. It means you’re not attracted to yourself so there’s no libido. Lock in. Do whatever makes you feel hot. (For me, intermittent fasting. Daily)

After nine years of marriage (today) I can tell you straight up. If you’re nagging, irritable, can’t stop cleaning, are sighing a lot, it’s your responsibility to make it right. Walk outside. Commit to a forty day workout. Address emotional eating because all those feelings translate as hunger, but no amount of food is going to satisfy a hunger for more. Improve your looks until you are delighted with what you see and then you won’t take shit, because you don’t take shit when you’re feeling hot.

Spoiler alert: a lot of the “shit” that’s making you sigh all day will disappear when you’re busier

and bro, for real, ask yourself if the characteristics you want from your husband or son are straight man characteristics. The masculine energy is older than you and it doesn’t care how you feel about it.

What the masculine energy wants to know is if it can please you or not, because it wants to, but if it determines you are unpleasable, it gives up.

You have to please yourself, and I don’t mean to trigger you but if you are unhappy with the size of your body, I’m especially talking to you. Fix it. You’re unhappy with YOURSELF, not them. Lock in. You already know it all tastes good.

If you’ve never dated women, I invite you to try it. For me, personally, I would rather have a rude dick telling me to shut the fuck up than a lot of talking about it. I need my bruto

All relationships need polarity so of course you can find a woman with a ton of masculine energy or vice versa. A relationship with two well established switches is ideal, as well. But if you combine electric with electric, there’s no magic. It’s like a never ending day with all sun and no night. If you combine magnetic with magnetic, there’s no magic. It’s all night and no day. For marital bliss, you need polarity.

You can’t make a man do anything, but he can do anything if he wants to. If you show him you’re pleasable, rewarding small behaviors with love and affection, you will get a loyal partner for life. You will get someone who goes above and beyond, because you’re appreciating how they’ve already done that, so you’re getting more of it.

but ho ARE YOU PLEASABLE? Be for real! If you’re like “I’m tired, I’m burned out, I’m depressed” you are probably NOT pleasable. You need to please yourself, and I don’t mean wanking. I mean raise your self esteem by doing esteemable things FOR YOURSELF.

Dress well, get outside a lot, fix your hair, stop snacking. Put your fucking phone away, in a different room, for the whole day, every day. Be naughty. Redecorate. Get VERY busy. Busy women are not usually mad.

If you want to date a woman, date a woman. If you want to be divorced, be divorced. But if you want to happily cohabitate the world with men and dads and sons, it would do you good to stop trying to fix what isn’t broken. The feminine energy is different, not better. DIFFERENT. Girl rules don’t apply.

Happy Anniversary to my husband and me. I spent five years in marriage hating men, and now I loooooooooveeeeeeeeeee