A letter about turning 30 | The pressure to do more

It’s official! I’ve been 30 years old for 30 days and I decided to write you a letter about turning the big 3-0. Also, I’ve been away for a while so if you’re new here - I’m Maliquea 👋🏽 and I like to write about how I’m experimenting with self-care, travel, wellness, joy, rest, ease, healing & freedom after 7-ish years of hustle, grind & burn out in entrepreneurship.

In this letter I’ll be sharing:

Dear Friend,

A few months ago the pressure was starting to mount as my 30th Birthday approached. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I only had a few more weeks to do all the things I said I would do by the time I turned 30. I found myself in a constant state of discomfort. Squirming at night about how I should’ve bought a house. Frozen in the shower trying to think of ways to earn more money. Zoning out during dinner wondering if I should go ahead and have a kid or not.

These thoughts weren’t necessarily new, but suddenly the pressure to do them and do them fast was very present. Mentally and logically I knew it was totally unrealistic to accomplish any of these things before my birthday, but my body felt otherwise. Rushed, hurried, frantic, panicking, pressured.

And then, my therapist offered me a thought that cracked me wide open: “I’m curious if the body is experiencing a bit of shock to realizing you’re actually turning 30, because you’ve always felt older than you really are.”

What came next was wearily nodding yes and a really cleansing cry (more like an ugly sob but cleansing cry sounds better). In that moment, I was able to hold space for all the little parts of me that felt overwhelmed and confused by this news of finding out I’m actually turning 30 this time. I was able to honor that my 12 year old self had felt 30 all along — and as I held space for that inner child, the pressure started to simply melt away.

It was a special moment for me, to turn to my younger self and say “I’m sorry you had to do all that, I know that was a lot. I’m sorry for trying to get us to do even more without acknowledging all that you’ve done so far.”

When you’re taught as a child that you earn love by how much you can get done in a day - that can seep over into present adult life. Correlating worthiness to accomplishments, steeping an upcoming birthday in fear of not being enough - rather than a moment to celebrate all the ways in which you have grown and all that you have to be proud of.

This letter is for anyone who has ever had to grow up before they were ready. It’s for anyone who has ever felt the silent sting of being told they are “wise beyond their years” or referred to as an “old soul”. It’s for anyone who has yet to grieve the maturity that’s been required of them in order to survive.

It’s also for anyone who has experienced the heaviness of not having done enough while simultaneously having done too much. It can be really confusing to feel like you’re not meeting societal norms and accomplishments when you’ve actually done way more than anyone your age should have had to do.

I see you and hope that you’ll find a safe, loving, and compassionate space to sit with those parts of yourself that you may have had to leave behind in order to survive. That you’ll be able to seek partnership with those little parts that had to abandon things like play, and extra naps to do really hard things.

And that in that partnership you can offer new options to those parts - that they’re now free and you’re here alongside them, all grown up, no longer frozen in time.

In a way you could say that I plan to spend my 30’s picking up some of those activities my inner child had to sit down to tend to what was happening back then. I’m chasing after all the joy and fun I had to set aside to be serious and responsible. I’m seeking out an abundance of ways I can get creative and play again. I’m putting myself down for nap time. I’m daydreaming and imagining new possibilities again. I’m saying no without explanation in that beautiful way kids do.

And with these new options I feel a little lighter than before and a lot more free than I could have ever hoped for.

I so deeply hope this for you too.

And if you want to keep experimenting with ways to get more of this then stick around because I’ll be sharing all the ways that I’m experimenting and inviting in more ease and freedom — in this next season.

I’m really excited to write more about how this looks for the entrepreneur that’s struggling to find balance too, so if that’s something that interests you be sure to stick around for that.

That’s all for now,
Until Next Time xx