Vol. 163: One term of #MCM

Hello!

Please if you haven’t read Elizabeth’s #PCM from last week, go do that!!!! Even though we were ships in the night when I was in Denver, E is one of my absolute favorite people I know. She is hilarious and brilliant and driven and deeply loyal. I adore her and I know you will, too! Plus, she has a call-to-action to comment more on my posts, which I appreciate.

Next on the agenda…#MalCrushMonday is officially 4 years old!

I launched this newsletter on July 18, 2022. WOW. That feels like a lifetime ago. To be totally honest, I don’t have the energy right now to do something big to celebrate, so I will leave you with this:

• Vol. 46: One Year of #MCM :)

• Vol. 83: Two Years of #MCM

• Vol. 121: Three Years of #MCM

And some stats:

• 296 subscribers

• 41 editions of #MalCrushMonday

• 11 editions of #PalCrushMonday

  • Hallie Poor

  • Erik Long

  • Parrinetta

  • Victoria Ungvarsky

  • Elena Ruggieri-Smithies

  • Gabe Nathans

  • Hannah Burtness

  • Ashley Perry

  • James Zebooker

  • Jake LaMalfa

  • Elizabeth Morales

• 1 special edition about my grandparents

And one more thing to celebrate — if you become a paid subscriber (even for just one month!), I will send you something special in the mail.

The format:

• What I’m crushing (accomplishing, achieving, attaining, fulfilling, something that I am being successful at.)

• What is crushing me (see definition 3b, something that is bringing me down.)

• What I’m crushing on (admiring, adoring, appreciating, cherishing, favoriting, etc.)

I’ve never. missed. a. Monday.

In all of #MCM history.

That feels pretty good.

I am irritable. I am aching for human connection but I refuse to reach out to friends and when people reach out to me, I think it’s only because they feel bad for me or want attention from me. It doesn’t make any sense, I know. But I’m feeling off in my brain and my body. Just completely off. I’m watching myself from the outside. Some type of double vision.

Have I cried enough recently? Have I not cried enough? Am I feeling bad because I am numb and need less medication or am I feeling bad because I am depressed and I need more medication? Will the things that make me happy ever bring me pleasure again? My brain and body feel so disconnected.

As you may know, I run a children’s summer camp. You know what’s popular among children these days?

Squishies.

And you know what’s popular among…me…these days?

Also squishies.

I found a pumpkin one that my cast mate Shay gifted us after our show In the Land of Oz and it ROCKS. And since I’ve been feeling bad, I treated myself to a Speks gump.

Next on my wish list would be the Speks mini gump bundle. And let me assure you, if I still do not feel well come this weekend, I will be purchasing this for myself.

Thank you for being here. I mean it.

With love and gratitude and squishies,

Mal