This is why your job applications aren't working.

Most people think business works like this:

Resume/Proposal + Client = $$$

I wish! If only it were that simple. It seems obvious to say, but you don’t go from being total strangers with someone to them paying you a million dollars overnight.

In reality, the equation for business success really looks more like this:

Make Friends + Demonstrate Value + Work on Pilot Projects Together + Deepen Relationships = Work on Bigger Projects Together

This is the same whether you’re looking for a full-time role or doing business development for your agency. You need to know the person hiring, work on a pilot project together, then build your way up.

That’s the cycle that leads to sustainable business growth and revenue. And that’s the cycle you are actually trying to replicate.

Right now you are trying to skip from making friends to working on bigger projects together. That’s why you are stuck. You can’t jump ahead, you have to go through all of the steps in between to get there.

That’s why your applications are going nowhere. That’s why you are hearing, “We went with someone internal instead.” And that’s why you are losing pitches.

The other thing you are doing is neglecting the people you already know and have worked on pilot projects with. Because of a combination of you’re scared to look like a failure and you think that when it comes to work you have to prove your experience, you end up spending a lot of time and energy on trying to meet new people when you are ignoring the people right in front of you.

You think you need luck. And maybe a dash of courage or delusion.

But you know that saying, “It takes 20 years of hard work to become an overnight success.”? That’s this cycle in action.

Ok you’re right, people do hire their friends and I see what you mean, I am trying to skip ahead. But do I really have to go through all of these business development steps to get a job? That sounds like a lot. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the answer is yes.

Ok fine but wait, how do I call my friends and turn that into work? How am I supposed to demonstrate value so that we can work on pilot projects together?

I’ve worked with a ton of agencies and sales teams across industry and company size and they all make the same mistake. The answer here is less about tactics and more about framing. You are probably leading all of your comms right now with self promotion.

“I am blah blah blah, Hire me!”

For everyone who hates self promotion you’ll be ecstatic to hear what I’m going to say next.

Stop talking about yourself.

I want you to go back and read that sentence again because it’s a really important distinction.

See when you email someone and talk about yourself (check out my portfolio or credentials deck) it’s kind of a dead end. It doesn't give the other person anything to do. Think of business development as tennis, you have to give the other person something they can hit back.

Here is your new mantra:

Instead of asking,

• “How do we get more leads?” you should ask, “Who should we be in a relationship with?”

• “How do we sell more, faster?” you should ask, “How do we create value for partners earlier?”

• “How do we convince them?” you should ask, “How do we build something together?”

The fundamental shift is from pitching yourself to offering value. The sooner you change your mindset from “Hire me” to “How can I help?” the more successful you’ll be.

Most people spend their entire careers trying to get into rooms. Going to networking events, sending cold emails, even applying to jobs and RFPs. You’re obsessed with wherever you aren’t.

But when you pitch yourself like that, there are two things at your disadvantage.

1. You’re competing for attention in a crowded market, trying to get validation from someone who doesn’t know you from anyone else.

2. You’re forgetting that sales is just people. And people want to be treated and interacted with in a way that they can hear — not how you think.

Reject the cult of “new” and “more”. Instead of trying to knock on closed doors, you’re better to build outward from the room you are already in.

When you host you create value for your friends and partners. You are working on a small project together which means you are getting to know each other and deepening your relationship.

When you build community you are creating an ecosystem. You set the terms and decide who’s in the room. You’re building something alongside people who are already values and mission aligned.

When you do this consistently you become the person people want to know. Not because you convinced them or because you are smarter or more successful but because you are empowering and supporting others.

Said plainly, become better friends with the people you already know, rather than looking for new people to meet.

With this method, you end up attracting opportunity instead of chasing after it. Growth doesn’t come from convincing people. It comes from convening them.

You have organization and structure around every other part of your life and work. You have systems for managing your finances, your calendar, your projects, your workflows.

But when it comes to who you know and who you want to meet? It’s like we go blank. We don’t want to do cold outreach cause that feels icky, but we also don’t want to reach out to people we know cause that feels vulnerable. We feel more comfortable with an anonymous process (like an application or an RFP) even if we know deep down that it’s not effective.

We say we hate self promotion, or that we are bad at sales and business development. Really we’re just scared — scared of reaching out, scared of being rejected or ignored. So instead of building intentionally, we do nothing and leave it to chance.

Relationship infrastructure is the system you build for intentionally meeting new people and consistently staying in touch with the people you already know. It’s treating relationships like the business asset they actually are.

You are probably over thinking and over complicating what you think of as sales. You might think of it as having to be someone you’re not or as requiring a ton of work that you don’t have time for.

You don’t need to do either of those things to be successful. All you need to do is, find an ongoing way that helps you connect with the people you already know and the new people you want to meet. Find a way to offer value to friends and partners. And find a way to work on pilot projects together.

To say this as simply as I possibly can: the more you do stuff you love, the more you meet people who also love the same stuff and then the more you can do the stuff you love together.

Make art! Write a blog! Throw a party! That’s it. That’s the secret to business.

Jx