Why do a lot of relationships not work these days?

I can only guess at a few reasons.

Primarily, lack of communication skills. And, lack of conflict resolution skills.

But, beyond that; people may not be emotionally mature enough to take on personal committed monogamous intimate relationships. But, we try anyway.

It is the only way to learn and grow.

Notice that there are four adjectives that describe relationships in the statement above.

Personal relationships require that we know ourselves. Many times, people get into personal relationships although they are not sure what they want or need. When we are young, it is not always a priority in our lives to develop conscious self awareness. But, without conscious self awareness; we are not really able to figure out what we want and need in a personal relationship. So, rather than try to use the opportunity that personal relationships afford us to help us figure ourselves out; we break up.

Committed is the next adjective. Again, commitment requires work and sacrifice. Many times, we get into personal relationships without understanding what it will cost us to make and keep our commitments. And, when we find out what it costs; sometimes we deem it the cost to be too high and we quit.

Once we jump those two hurdles, we get to monogamy. Many people view society and culture as guides as to how to conduct ourselves. And, there are not a lot of good examples of committed monogamy in our modern society and culture.

So, people get the idea that it may be better to not commit to monogamy. And, when we are younger; it may be better not to in some cases. But, if we jump into a personal committed monogamous relationship; we are essentially tell ourselves and our partners that we will not any longer be looking for alternatives. And, if we have not become sufficiently mature enough to keep that commitment; when temptations arise; often times we fall and then our personal committed monogamous relationship stumbles and many times fails.

The last hurdle that we face is intimacy. If we take the necessary steps to get there. Like, recognizing that intimacy is the sharing of our genuine self. And, without complete honesty and commitment and in many cases monogamy, we are not going to be able to genuinely share our complete self. In fact, it may be impossible if we do not know ourselves well enough to honestly and openly communicate who we are and what we need to another.

Committing to this open and genuine sharing of ourselves requires a certain level of trust. And, risk. Many times people are not prepared for the risks they take when they get involved with someone in a personal committed monogamous intimate relationship. And, without a clear understanding of the risks, it is nearly impossible for the inevitable disappointments that come with such relationships. And, many times when our feelings are hurt; we call it quits.

In summary, people have to be prepared to have personal, committed, monogamous, and intimate relationships. That preparation generally only comes from experience. And, many of those experiences entail failure on some level so we can learn and grow into the person who is ready to commit and keep that commitment.

Are you trying to decide whether to make up or break up? Let me know. If I have any ideas about your situation, I would be happy to discuss.

This answer was originally published on Quora by yours truly.