Later Is Not Never

Dear Reader,

When I was younger and an adult would tell me, “maybe later,” I would kick rocks and dramatically cry that “maybe later, might as well be never.” (Ugh cue tiny floral fainting couch and my attempts to get my way.)

I would love to say that with time, experience, and maturity, I’ve come to the realization that later does not in fact mean never ever. But admittedly, it’s taken me several decades to come to that realization. The little kid in me often kicks rocks and stuffs her hands into her pockets, when I have to tell her not yet or not right now. Even now when I come up with a great idea at 2AM, and then look at my actual real life schedule and after syncing three separate calendars only to realize that the great idea might not get started or even done until next month or next year, the little voice in the back interprets that as never ever.

I think the key is learning to talk to that little voice AND in fact ensuring that I don’t allow later to become never ever.

It also means that sometimes the idea doesn’t look like I originally envisioned it when it comes time to actually start taking action. Let’s dive in.

1. Talking to the Little Voice

I believe that to some degree we are still toddlers in need of snacks, naps, and people to pick out our clothes for us. And as such, we all have a little petulant voice to contend with when things don’t go exactly according to plan, when we want them, or how we want them. Rather than simply telling ourselves “suck it up butter cup,” surely we have more words at our disposal. At least more helpful words to help reassure that part of us that desires to leap, that wants things now, and wants them in a very particular way. For those of you who may roll your eyes at the idea of positive self talk, then consider that your self talk is merely self-commitment. This is particularly important for those of you who take issue with anything you feel is “woo woo” and put overemphasis on the idea of being someone who “upholds my commitments.” In that case, talk it up! Talk to yourself about all the hopes, goals, dreams, desires, aspirations to your hearts content because if that self talk is in fact a commitment to see something through, then that little tender part of you (whether you believe it exists or not) gets the benefit of knowing that when you look at your calendar for a free spot, “not now” does not mean “never ever.”

2. Ensuring Later Doesn’t Become Never Ever

This is where that commitment thing comes in rather handy. Ensuring that later, maybe, or not now do not in fact become never ever, requires us to take some action. I was recently coaching someone about a long term goal, and they were very proud that they had written the goal down. They had a nice looking spreadsheet with a list. I love a good spreadsheet and told them that it was a lovely starting point. And then asked when was the actual start date, what was the plan to move things off this lovely spreadsheet into the real world of getting stuff done. They were momentarily crestfallen that the spreadsheet wasn’t “enough.” And I think we all do this to some degree. We make lists. We journal. We make spreadsheets. And later does become never. Then the little squishy bits of us who hear “not now” can’t possibly believe us when we say that “later” will come because it has never actually arrived. We do in fact keep putting things off, and off, and off. A long accumulation of later adds up. It’s demoralizing AF, and eventually your brain stops believing you altogether.

Rather than accept that as your fate, please for the love of all that is good and great, do something, anything. 5 minutes. 7 minutes. ANYTHING! Because acting on that commitment to yourself (aka doing something will all that self talk), pays back huge returns beyond just the immediate dopamine hit of a checked box. You start to rebuild the relationship with yourself that if you say later, you mean that you will actually pick up the idea again and take some action. That if you say maybe, there is actual consideration in the decision making and it’s not a cop out. That if you say not now, it’s because you are actively making space for the right time for you. Essentially stop bullshitting yourself.

3. Accept that it May Look Different

And last, some real talk. When you finally get around to taking an idea off the goal shelf, and decide to do something, it may look different than you expected. In some ways that could be a good thing, you’ll have more means and resources than you did when you first had the idea. When I first dreamed of owning my own home, my first home looked nothing like my second home. The inverse is also true, it may be that my body is only capable of so much by the time I decide to go back to dance class. It may be that modeling at 60 looks different than modeling at 20 years old. Yes there are things that will not defy gravity, and that’s okay. Better that we take some action and have it look different, than to let hopes, dreams, and goals collect dust for no other reason than we gave into “maybe becoming never ever.”

So take some time this week to consider when you have said maybe or later, and you secretly just accepted that it meant never ever? Time to dust some of those ideas off the shelf. Join us in the community thread to talk about what you could use some more of this week.

P.S. Something is coming out of my own idea parking lot on September 8th. It’s small. It’s three days. It’s the sentence you haven’t said in years. More soon.

Loving this inexpensive and effective mascara.

This song is a mood.

Writing advice from Anne Lamott.

Catching up on ACOTAR before the next book comes out in October 2027. Any other fans doing a re-read?

This week on the podcast, we’re continuing the newsletter conversation, and going deeper about how to talk to the little voice, that relationship with yourself I mentioned above, and real talk about what “different" might look like. Come listen.

Listen here on Spotify or Apple.

Some past episodes that fit this week’s theme:

1. Tiny Creative Acts

2. Mid-Year Edit

3. How Bad is Bad Enough

You already have the list. The one that starts before your eyes are fully open. The one that belongs to everyone else.

The Brainy & Bougie Scavenger Hunt is the one thing on the list that belongs entirely to you.

Paid subscribers received a scavenger hunt card in the mail — a curated list of activities designed to help you become a tourist in your own life. No expensive getaway. No time-expensive escape. Just an afternoon and a little intentional wandering in your own town.

Next Community Call:

THIS WEEK: August 27th Maison Gaton Salon
Share your adventures, ask me anything, catch up with the room.

If you’ve been reading the newsletter and wondering what’s on the other side of the door, this is it. Come join us.

Join as a paid subscriber here

Affiliate Disclosure Statement:

Please note the Lookbooks do contain some affiliate links. If you click on these affiliate links and purchase an item, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.