Can I go back to work now?

Am I the only one still holding my breath? The NYC election was Tuesday; today is Friday. I would very much like to go back to work — not my paycheck-work, but to my manuscript which is sitting here unattended like a child whose parent didn’t pick them up from daycare.

My next in-contract project is a ‘serial killer’ novel. You’d think that would be stressful. Believe me, compared to our country’s political turmoil, it’s actually really calming making up stuff about this fictional, atrocious killer. Go figure.

I’ve been gifted with an artist residency for February and March, so part of my natural resistance to work is giving me this time off. I also teach 10 credits at City University, so that’s three classes that need attention and time. Am I being convincing enough for you? Can you see that it really is hard to dive into a world that requires my full wits? Thanks.

Meanwhile, my writer friend Pamela told me that she gets really grouchy and cantankerous when she doesn’t spend time on her writing. I wonder if that was a subtle message to me that I’m starting to sound shrill. Because, dang, I feel shrill.

So I’ve written letters: to The Times, to the journalists of online news like Politico, to representatives in my party, and to an Admiral I happen to love and admire. I also try to respond politely to the hateful jingoism so prevalent on social media platforms (but not much). Reading them is enough to sap all hopefulness out of this patriot.

But, really, honestly, what’s stopping me from my project is that I can’t take my eyes off the (political) road. It’s like being a passenger in a car with a reckless driver. I feel responsible to be on the lookout for road signs, lights, pedestrians, next turns. I’m fake-braking, holding onto the side strap, clenching my fists in preparation for any kind of collision.

I would love to get out of this car, but I can’t afford to go to Europe (or anywhere) right now. Also, hey, I’m here. This my city, my country. I love her. Is there an Al-ACountry for this painful state of affairs?