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Trigger Warning: meanie-face TERF being mean, gross stuff about men and their butts, blatant mockery of pregnancy and motherhood, and unnecessary curses, as always.
Contents:
Introduction and Inspiration
A Mom by Any Other Name
Appropriating Periods
Invading Spaces Meant for Mothers
Simulated Pregnancy and Miscarriage
Moobfeeding
Fetishizing Pregnancy
Uterus Transplantation in Men
During the course of my adult life, there has been a change in how expectant couples describe their state of being. At some point, there was a distinct shift from “we're expecting” and “she's pregnant” to “we're pregnant”.
I get the idea. I understand that this is an experience that both members of the relationship should take part in. I imagine that replacing the “we” with “she” excludes the man from what should be a shared journey. In fact, I can see how it's positive to opt for “we” as it implies that the man is going to to stick around at least long enough to meet his new offspring.
Despite this, I'm not a huge fan. It isn't a big deal, but it feels like giving undue credit to the one whose presence is a bonus during pregnancy, not a necessity. I'm not trying to take away the credit of a father. I'm just saying that the woman does the heavy lifting and that's worth keeping in perspective during pregnancy.
If insisted upon, I believe most men would be happy to give their pregnant partner the credit for her nine months of ceaseless baby creation and then the pain and potential injuries of labor because they're decent people who recognize that some things are not meant to be trivialized and that giving women some credit doesn't make their role mean any less.
In contrast, there are some men out there who have no qualms about trivializing pregnancy and childbirth in any number of ways. Like other aspects of womanhood, they feel a sense of ownership over it, despite their 100% maleness.
Trans-identified men find all manner of methods of appropriating motherhood and related female-specific experiences for their curiosity, amusement, sexual pleasure, and sense of affirmation. You know, the classic reasons for menstruating and babymaking.
Wanna talk about it?
Me neither, but we're both already here. Let's suffer together.
Before we consider the problematic behavior of appropriation and invading crucial woman-only spaces, I'd like to take a moment to consider what happens when the word “mother” is no longer leashed to adult (hopefully) human female who has given birth to live offspring.
In addition to this expansive definition change, the words we have always used, like “mother” and “woman”, are disappearing in all number of contexts, including medicine.
While this is often an attempt to include trans-identified women in the aspects of womanhood they couldn't leave behind, it has the effect of further erasing women from their very own spaces.
I'm not sure I can think of a better way to waste two hours of my finite time than talking about “trans menstruators”. (Depending on the grub and brand, the dinner and free period underwear may be worth it.)
I've said this before, and it bears repeating: being in the minority does not make you a minority. By this, I mean that your “needs” don't override basic considerations for women just because there aren't a ton of you. Why should we rearrange our lives around strangers who have opted out of the world we live in?
Why should all women be reduced to “birthers”, “menstruators”, “cervix havers”, and “AFABs” for the sake of a small subset of the population struggling with the basics of reality?
Why does your identity necessitate the erasure of ours?
Honestly, it's really not cool.
If appropriating the very “gendered” bodily functions of women wasn't bad enough at face value, I want you to consider the following:
Menstruation is a necessary function of our reproductive system that is intrinsically tied to pregnancy. The arrival of a period may be a devastating loss, a massive relief, or an exceedingly ordinary yet inconvenient part of life as a woman.
No matter how (un)welcome any particular menstrual period might be, it is a reminder that despite the consequential weight of pregnancy and childbirth, those aspects, like much of the life of a woman, are full of uncertainty and a lack of control.
With that chunk of moral consideration out of the way, let's talk about men who think they experience menstrual periods.
Men Who Think They Have Periods
It is becoming increasingly common for me to hear claims of menstruation from absolutely shameless trans-identified men taking wrong-sex hormones. Now, I know some of you are saying, “But MadFem, surely their lack of female-specific organs necessary for menstruation stops them from experiencing this biological phenomenon!”
In a sane world, you would be correct, dear reader. Alas and alack. In this gender dystopia that is 2026, women are simply men with more estrogen and progesterone and less testosterone than their male templates. Oh, and boobies.
Men experience these phantom very real menstrual periods despite lacking the involved ovaries, Fallopian tubes, uterus, endometrium, cervix, and vagina.
How can we not see them doubled over in pain over “cramps” as a mockery of our very real, non-negotiable biological reality? And you know what? I don't even care if the cramps are real somehow. You will never experience a menstrual period and you will never need to worry about pregnancy in any way that a woman must.
You will never be a twelve year old girl who bled through her shorts at school or a teen who missed a period and can't sleep for a month. You will never be a woman whose hopes for new life are flushed away month after month by her body despite her every attempt to “make it work”.
(And those are some very low-consequence possibilities when compared to many of the alternatives.)
I'm still gobsmacked over the fact that so many men feel comfortable claiming this. They have less than zero respect for women as human beings with unique lived experiences. They then have the gall to be offended by our offense. We become the enemies selfishly denying men of their ability to be their “true selves”.
If you're a man, it's hard for me to think of an equivalent insult (I've never been a man, after all), but I suppose this thought experiment couldn't hurt: think about how you would feel watching multiple trans-identified women getting struck in their phantom testicles only to fall down dramatically, writhing in seemingly earnest pain and misery. It's simultaneously humorous yet not very funny at all. It's ridiculous in such a way that makes you question your sanity, while it is incredibly dismissive of your real pain.
When you point out that they don't even have testicles, they threaten to rape or murder you because how fucking dare you gatekeep manhood and testicular suffering!
That is group number one: men who (at least appear to) believe they experience menstruation. There also exist two other groups who are somewhat grounded in reality in that they realize that they need to make their own “period magic”, be that the DIY route or through direct theft.
Men Who Opt for DIY Periods
Do-it-yourself periods are an excellent way to stretch your imagination while affirming your gender identity. I've learned, through not-so-confidential sources, that frozen tomato juice cylinders (use the ice trays meant for water bottles) shoved up your bum makes for an affirming experience.
Some men make use of menstrual pads and likely tampons. Some find other methods of crafting “blood”. And of course, there is a third group of period pretenders who lack the delusional capacity needed for the first group and the requisite enthusiasm for arts and crafts for the DIY group. These men opt to “steal” their “periods” from those of us blessed with them.
Men Who Steal Periods
I can imagine at least a handful of you eagerly offering your menstrual periods up for theft right now. Unfortunately for us, it doesn’t ever work in a way that is beneficial for women because men cannot, in fact, steal our periods. They can, however, steal used menstrual products from public restrooms.
And they do. I’m sure these folks are in the vast minority, but they do exist, and they do have access to female “safe” spaces where these items are disposed of and then easily accessed in nearly complete privacy. This is just one of dozens or hundreds of possible threats to women in a mixed-sex toilet facility.
I'm going to spare you details. You're welcome.
If appropriating menstruation was “not cool”, then this is “super duper not cool.” Trans-identified men are increasingly feeling emboldened to join groups (especially online) meant for mothers. They believe that pretending to be a woman is the same as being a woman and that being a “woman” who fathered a child is the same thing as being a mother.
That is, if the man in question actually has children of his own. Those with a lack of offspring can simulate a pregnancy. Hold that thought.
One of the easiest defenses for those who oppose me to throw out is “well, it's not very many of them,” which isn't exactly an argument. Even if it were of consideration, I'd like to point out something that I don't often see mentioned: the presence of one male negatively impacts more than one woman. Always.
Let's say we have an online group for mothers with 19 women in it. A trans-identified man becomes the twentieth member. All of the kindness and affirmation soaked up by the new focus of the group comes at a cost to all nineteen of those other women:
Now we have six of the nineteen who quietly stop attending, seven who are uncomfortable and upset but continue to participate to some extent anyway, two who are utterly confused and aren't sure what happened, three who appear to be true believers of trans bullshit, and one who is willing to speak up and be punished for being a “transphobe”. Oh, and perhaps a facilitator/instructor in a very awkward and troublesome position.
Aside from the time and attention robbed from real mothers, this makes many women uncomfortable because of fucking course it does. Who is going to feel comfortable being honest and vulnerable while every thing they say is serving as affirmation (or masturbation) fodder for a man lurking around, watching, and living vicariously through this very emotionally charged and vulnerable part of their lives?
I can't help but think about the parallels that trans-identified men and their allies love to try and draw between racial segregation and a woman's right to privacy and single-sex facilities and services. They portray the real women having their spaces invaded by men as comparable to insensitive racists who don't want to look at women with dark skin.
There is a big difference between racially motivated discomfort and a serious moral objection to the trivialization, objectification, and appropriation of women's lives.
There is nothing in common between racism and protecting women's basic rights to fairness and safety that could possibly be relevant to this situation.
Continuing to pretend otherwise is an insult not only to women struggling with actual racism, but the women who deserve their own spaces as women (all of us).
In case anyone is still confused: a man does not belong to a special class of woman. Men are men, no matter how desperately they try to change that fact. Women remain women, no matter what race they happen to be (or appear to be).
If appropriating menstruation was “not cool” and invading spaces meant for mothers was “super duper not cool”, this is “mega super duper not cool in the very least.”
Some men find methods of simulating pregnancy and childbirth. Even worse, some simulate miscarriage.
Do I really need to explain why this is so wrong? If you don't “get it”, I don't think anything I have to say is going to land the way it needs to.
There is a particularly famous example (see below) of this with which I think most of my gender critical readership will be familiar, although there is discussion surrounding this topic elsewhere online.
If you're curious, pregnancy can be simulated with a false belly and any number of other discomforts layered on top.
When it comes to simulating the birth itself, careful administration of electric shocks in the abdominal region takes the place of the pain of contractions while rectally passing a silicone fetus takes the place of the miracle of birth.
Personally, I'm not terribly interested in learning more about how one simulates a miscarriage. I'll leave that to your collective imagination. It's just too fucked up for me.
There are plenty of instances in life when we need to push past feelings of disgust to be a decent human. I think many of us - especially women - have been misled into believing that disgust is something to stamp out without question. We aren’t conscious of it, really. We just find ourselves automatically tamping down our disgust response when triggered by another human. What might be a signal to investigate further or exercise caution is read as unfair and unnecessary judgment, and as unkind behavior.
And when it comes to the actions of trans-identified men, your feelings of discomfort and distress have nothing to do with the perverse nature of the situation at hand. It's a weakness, a silent cruelty, an unfair judgment cast against an earnest and innocent “trans” woman “just trying to live her life” by some mega bitch of a TERF.
I'm tired of ignoring my body and the messages it sends me in order to spare the feelings of men. It is in that spirit that I declare the following: men lactating is super gross. Like, so gross. It squicks me out to my very core - nature's way of telling me that something is wrong here.
Am I a judgmental gatekeeping hatemonger out to rob a newly emerging population of wet nurses and “mothers” of their right to “breast feed”?
Sure, and I don't even care. I respect and trust this disgust. Get your man-nipples out of here and away from babies.
As if it weren't bad enough to think about it as is, I recently came across data1 on experiences of sexual arousal in women during breastfeeding used as proof that some women “totally get off on this” so it's okay for men with tits to use an infant as a sex prop or method of “growing their tiddies”. No. No. No. No. Fuck, no. Some of them aren't even pretending to be interested in it for the “right reasons”.
You know what really gets me? People have no trouble shaming women who struggle to naturally produce the milk needed for their infants but heaven forbid anyone offend a man eager to pump himself full of drugs to squeeze out affirming droplets of chemical-laden man juice at an infant's expense.
Mothers feed their babies to nourish them. Trans-identified men want to feed babies to affirm their identities and satisfy their fetishes.
Let them live without this “affirmation”.
Sometimes I'm writing an essay and the internet just happens to deliver the perfect bit to include - in this case it was Amy Sousa, MA Depth Psychology who delivered with the above video.
I have so many questions about the last photo in that video that I'm not sure I want the answers to. So many.
While I don't think objectifying women and appropriating their pregnancy is ever a good look, I can't tell someone what turns them on. If this is your jam, okay, but much like other “bedroom activities and costumes”, it is wholly inappropriate for most of the internet as well as for public display.
Memes and transphiles love to mock gender critical women for being disgusted by trans-identified male behavior and bodies. This is a large part of why rape threats are extra delicious to them.
What these men do not realize (or care about in the least) is that while some women are disgusted, it's not about that. This is about basic fucking respect for women and their capacity to carry and bear new life. It really should not be too much to ask for.
Again, pregnancy isn't a game for women. It's a series of significant risks, a lot of pain, and a life that is never the same again, no matter which way it turns out.
It's a very long way off, but not far enough. I'm sorry to report that there are plenty of men excited about the idea of completely eliminating women from the process of childbirth so they can harness the power of life that has forever been out of their reach.
I'm even more sorry to report that people are actively working to bring this eventuality about, despite what an objectively dystopian-flavored bad idea this is.
The good news is that successful uterine transplantations have only been completed in females. All of the hopeful trans-identified men eager to get a bun in their oven are out of luck for the moment, as a number of significant biological processes necessary for successful childbirth are completely absent in males.
It turns out that women are more than just slightly modified men, no matter how many times some people will insist that is the case. One of my favorite examples is the inability for men to perform involution. This means that everything that gets stretched out during the process of growing and delivering a child will stay stretched out.
Yikes, right?
Or consider that a fetus gets half of its genetic material from the father, meaning that a woman's body undergoes a special process to prevent her immune system from attacking the fetus while continuing to protect her.
Thank goodness and all that is great that there are so many obstacles to overcome in order to bring this fantasy to fruition. I sincerely hope that any and all interest in trying to take a healthy uterus from any woman to give to a man as a plaything is snuffed out before any definitive action is taken.
Fingers crossed.
Until next time, stay guilty of thought crimes!
MadFem XX
See Also:
Amy Sousa, MA Depth Psychology (credit for lactating and pregnancy fetish videos)
No, I don’t have a source. I didn’t think to save it. Ugh.
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