Station 54

Rarely if ever do I have the opportunity to be inspired through the presence of a man, especially through the experience of sex. Although I am a sex enthusiast and intimacy doula, sex is not readily available for me and that’s by design. I have certain precautions in place where I make sure of that.

1. I do not trust easily.

2. I am hardly attracted to a man in a way where entertaining the idea of intimacy is something I’d genuinely consider.

I do not have this insatiable desire for the presence of a man simply because I’m supposed to. A man has to make me feel in a way where I am able to do something with the connection outside of a good time or “good” dick.

Reserving my sexual energy for my work is also very important to me. I create my best writings, frameworks, and offers when my energy is untouched. The only caveat is when I have the opportunity to be touched in a way that not only makes me feel good but also “be” bigger, much bigger. This can be difficult to navigate because we live in a realm and current state where glamour magic is at an all time high… even from men. Sometimes things aren’t what you think and before you know it you’re knee deep in an illusion you physically cannot part from. This is why discernment has to be practiced as a skillset and intuition refined until it’s the ultimate mastery. You gotta know your shit, it will save you.

As I get into the heaviness of this article I’d like to say I’m not sure what direction it might take lol. I feel a bit chaotic, horny… sigh, inspired, and at peace (not sure why peace came up but that’s what I feel??).

Peace in living my truth and having the self awareness, respect, and self love to “allow” another to live theirs and still have joy in the in between. Living in REAL truths can be contradicting and messy… but messy is fun as long as it’s like contemporary art and not mud… how ironic…

I don’t get out often these days. My time is utilized building my brands. There’s so much I want to do with my life in such a short amount of time that it’s as if I’m almost scared to let myself enjoy things. Anytime spent doing frivolous shit through a side quest can not only weaken my momentum but quite literally be a waste of time. Luckily for me my time was compensated for and with dividends.

Cinco De Mayo turned from a fun little outing to a night of drunk confessions and teenage fever kissing which overlapped into midday mudding the following day. Before you know it I was on the hood of a side by side watching the sun go down with a head stuffed between my legs (a head with nice waves might I add). Oh how fucking crazy, but really fucking fun too. The suspense of getting caught, but also just the rush of experiencing someone for the “first time” in a vulnerable way.

Mudding is an extremely dirty activity. You have no choice but to show up as you are.. if you somehow, someway end up “fucked” lmao.

There is no “freshening” up. It’s hot, sweaty, and as real and raw as you can imagine. No performance. Just nature and 2 people choosing to have each other with no judgment or expectations.

I don’t know how I got here but as I prefaced the heaviness of this article I mentioned being inspired and that’s what’s most important to me. The activities, the sex, the laughs, suspense, etc. will be memories etched into my brain forever, but more than anything the muse behind the experience and inspiration gifted me foresight.

Amongst the crazy Castor and Pollux Gemini entanglement there was ministry. There was resilience professed through music, some real raw honesty, and several other things that weren’t exactly mentioned but I could feel transformation/rebrand within words. As if he’s gearing towards something new that will take him to a place he’s never been.. I don’t think people realize the power of authenticity. I don’t think he realizes the power of his authenticity.

Authenticity shifts timelines and evoke ideas and even change in the recipient.

I see a bit differently and that’s pretty cool for something casual.

I’m a woman that has created things for myself MOST will never have the luxury of experiencing so it is difficult for me to connect with someone and actually fucking learn AND see differently.

I don’t know if this connection will become of something along the line of lovers. That’s definitely not my focus, but I can only imagine the magic in something structured, either way my memories are always available to me and that is more than enough.

This article was intended to be a bit more freaked out lol but I couldn’t help myself. I had to get this experience in its entirety on “paper.” Some men deserve articles written about their power, others deserve to be blocked and forgotten like spoiled milk. I don’t make the rules, I just speak my truth as if everything is regular.

Madam