Note #12: Art is no longer my job

I wish I could say that 2025 was a great year. But it wasn’t. Not based on my high expectations and common sense social media.

I bet many of you have been scrolling through your IG feed and reading about the achievements other artists posted in the last couple of days. I bet you’ve been struck by a wide range of emotions, from comparison to envy, sadness, and happiness. Maybe you’re among the 0.1% of those successful artists, or maybe you’re not.

It’s human nature to compare yourself to others. But if it ruins your day, then close the apps and reflect on your year filled with personal experiences and accomplishments. Like I’m doing right now.

Over the past year, I have lived, worked, and created under HIGH EXPECTATIONS.

Expectation - the feeling of expecting something good to happen

This led me to feel unsatisfied and unhappy with everything I did. Eventually, this caused on and off burnouts when it came to creating art. I expected every drawing to look good, bring views and ultimately clients. I decided whether something was worth drawing based on the appeal and approval of others. I couldn’t find genuine joy in creating, just for myself.

Towards the end of the year, I made an important decision. I returned to my previous corporate job, part-time (long story short: I always had a corporate job until the pandemic hit and my passion for art took a professional turn). Honestly, it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made psychologically. I felt like a failure and eventually stopped drawing for a while. I didn’t want to talk about it, which is why I stopped posting on social media and writing newsletters. I needed time to digest and redefine my path and purpose.

There’s one quote that kept echoing in my head and guided me through this transition:

you’re not your art

I heard someone saying this some time ago, but didn’t fully understand it. Until now. Today, we are so used to seeing artists display only their successes and big achievements online that we immediately make this association: good artist = good person. On the other hand, if we consider ourselves mediocre artists, this implies that we are not worthy people. But that’s not true, right?

There’s so much more that defines you as a person: your ideas and values, the people in your life, your experiences, your favorite activities, your dreams and desires..

So now that I’ve accepted that my life does not revolve around my art, I feel freer. Free to say no to a commission I don’t like, free to switch my style and art tools, free to stop drawing for a while and focus on other passions and projects, free to make bad drawings. Does this mean I won’t go back to being a full-time artist? Maybe yes, maybe no, who knows. Meanwhile, I want to rediscover my passion for art and my boundaries. I repeat once again: I’m not my art.

And I would add: my art is me. Because art is an expression of who we are, but we are not just that.

This has probably been a sad and tough read for you. Maybe it’s brought up a lot of doubts and mixed feelings. Feel free to share your personal experience in the comments—I’d love to hear how you deal with your artistic struggles.

But I’d like to end this year and this newsletter on a happier note.

I discovered an amazing learning platform, inkygoodness, and had a blast during their latest editorial course. I got to experiment with digital media and create some new work based on different topics than what I usually draw. It was very helpful in many ways during my transition period. This led me to use these tools for a new Christmas-inspired piece.

I wish you all a fresh start to the year with only good intentions and many achievable goals ♥

- Madalina