Reading · Mack in Style Magazine

It’s a common fear, losing yourself in motherhood. Perhaps it’s why I didn’t jump into it with both feet. Expectant mothers will post online that they are nervous about forfeiting their identity and others will tell them it’s a forgone conclusion. But it’s not, most days.

When someone finds themselves self actualized in motherhood its usually assumed it will come at the expense of her feminism. I have not found that domesticity was the missing piece to my fractured soul, but rather something I was more capable of than I thought. In a way it has been empowering— just as it often is to surprise yourself.

Motherhood, in many ways, has completely reshaped me. I used to sing a lot of karaoke, know all the best happy hours in my city, and would lose entire weekend days to playing The Sims. My body is nearly unrecognizable and I have friends who haven’t heard from me in years. But for the most part, I don’t consider anything a great loss.

I have found, through the forced selection of my free time, what really matters to me. As it would turn out, exploring new restaurants is significantly less important to me than making an afternoon out of an art exhibition. Plays are far more prioritized than concerts. Books can be listened to while I clean my apartment several times a day, and I am simply not someone who binge watches television anymore. I’m not surprised that it takes a herculean effort for me to get a workout in, but I am shocked I never really let my manicures get that bad.

More than anything, I have found a renewed passion in my career. While I was feeling burnt out by the time I got pregnant, I find myself incredibly energized by my work as a mom. I would rather stay up until 10pm working on a vision board for an upcoming reading retreat than continuing the Netflix dating series I started (though Age of Attraction is phenom!!)

My responsibility to mold one great man out of my son is also incredibly empowering. The world he will grow up in is shaped by a business woman in leopard print— who frequently travels for work and is always asking his opinion on art (in our home and out.)

1.) Continue with your skincare, haircare + nail appointment routines. Book appointments in advance. It’s easier to feel like yourself when you look like yourself.

2.) Immediately introduce your child to something you can do together. My besties are raising their kids in beach towns. I think raising your child somewhere you genuinely love makes a huge difference in identity preservation. For them it’s the beach, for me it’s art museums (sometimes I wish it were the beach!) My son is an INCREDIBLE museum visitor, but I fear he would not be able to do a whole day at the beach right now (devastating for me.)

3.) Many of your relationships are going to take an inevitable hit. This is a reality of parenting. Choose which of your friends you’re taking with you on this journey. Don’t forget about them, as they likely already fear you will.

4.) Speaking of friends, having a mix of childfree and parent friends will make your life so vibrant and rich. It’s really helpful to have people to talk about your kids with, but it’s also really nice to have people to talk about your shared interests with that don’t involve your kids.

5.) Join a book club. Might I recommend this virtual one I run?

6.) Even though it can be really frustrating to get out there with a toddler (easier with a baby, I fear) it’s important to remember that you are training them for their future. Restaurant visits are more peaceful without my son, but he recently learned how to order his own pancakes. Real life experience results in your child becoming a fully functioning adult someday. Even if it means picking scrambled eggs up off the diner floor and listening to the Moana soundtrack while driving through the mountains of Vermont.

7.) Let yourself connect with your inner child by experiencing the world for the first time through your child’s eyes. My son has reminded me that I really, really love boats.

8.) Fill your home with things that inspire you. Keep your finger on the pulse of the Facebook marketplace. Up-cycle something (for me, it’s painting old frames, for my best friend it’s using thrifted fabric to make her kids clothes.) You inevitably spend a lot more time at home when you have a kid, so make your home somewhere you want to be.

9) Figure out what your mom uniform is. I can help you with that.

10.) Don’t lose your life to scrolling. It’s so easy to let yourself rot during nap time or after your kid goes to bed. Don’t let your days blend together with endless screen time. Watch a movie, read a book, knit a scarf or finally get around to starting a Substack. Losing yourself is avoidable, and sometimes it’s really as simple as this.

Here’s some visual inspiration from my 2026 (ongoing) mood board: