This is a sandbox for society's damage.
1 Therapist - “I think you should morn the children you’re not going to have… as if that loss was measurable and as tragic as it feels.” Drew - “I am trying to but it’s hard since we still talk.” Therapist - “I fall on your discernment of whether us seeing each other is too hard on you or not.” Drew - “I don’t think I can handle a life without you…” 2 Alison Josephine Mouse (she changed her last…
1 Therapist - “I think you should morn the children you’re not going to have… as if that loss was measurable and as tragic as it feels.” Drew - “I am trying to but it’s hard since we still talk.” Therapist - “I fall on your discernment of whether us seeing each other is too hard on you or not.” Drew - “I don’t think I can handle a life without you…” 2 Alison Josephine Mouse (she changed her last…
Been on a kung fu film kick as of late. Old favorites like drunken master and master of the flying guillotine along with watching more obscure or modern films. I think my two favorites are kung fu hustle and master of the flying guillotine. For both strangeness and also heart those are the peak of the genre for me. Though has lead down. Rabbit hole over the last couple of days where I have been…
A beautiful dream of passions in the clay. Abstract and yet kinda only described as very human. Dissonant and avant-garde, yet, surprisingly catchy. Easy listening broadcast from the green flames of heck. The first half is like Kurt Cobain bedrooms demos using the convenience of modern technology. Column of trout's half is moving like a sequence of a single song with all four tracks. If it's a…
My pet cockatiel Luna got spooked by a noise on the highway and flew into the wall. I was afraid she had fractured her skull, but she has recovered and is doing good. It messed me up pretty bad thinking I would lose her. Kinda, refocused and changed my life. Just knowing how fragile we all are. I have been spending the last few months caring for her and trying to get my head together I spent about…
My favorite movie is kill bill. It’s one of my favorite things. If it was not a perfect rendition of grind house/exploitation revenge madness of captured light. Then the world would be poorer place for it. When I was an early teen I loved what most people consider bad movies kaiju, kung fu, tokusatsu and spaghetti westerns. Now these are little more in vogue but the kind of crap I was into at the…
Blindsight is the pragmatic poetry of the unsentimental mind. Much like the vampires in the book it is an amoral efficient and a cannibal. Taking what it will from the hard sci-fi and horror and compiling them into shuffling cards of plot twist and strangely human nightmare fuel. Nihilistic and tragic in the death throes of its own conclusions. That are at once distant and obvious. In that liminal…
What happens when you mix one part James Bond and the other part kill bill. You get shibumi. Ostensibly, I thought the best super spy media was the television show the prisoner. Though the truth of the matter is that Shibumi with its pulp leanings and potboiler structure is a bit more traditional… it is also radical in a subtler way. Nicholas Hel is a buckaroo banzai like polymathic philosopher…
I always wanted to be a writer more than anything I wished I had acquired the ability to write well. As I stroll through my own personal apocalypse as the world threatens to burn with nuclear fire. I type away or read a book (lately been reading about two or three hundred pages a day). I think the reason I still fear reading with actual anxiety is there is a fear of revealing myself too much. Of…
“What are your plans for the future?” “I don’t have a future.” I turn my back and staring at my hands meaning every fucking syllable. I almost thirty eight. The business of being expected to pull a miracle out of my ass and make the rational clinical pain mean something other than being the background noise of my life, is something I gave up on. “The thing about lobotomies is they kept people like…
Starting this off with a nerd list with my current top ten novels 1 Stone junction by Jim Dodge 2 Gravity’s rainbow by Thomas Pynchon 3 Ridley walker by Russel hoben 4 Stella Maris by Cormac McCarthy 5 even cowgirls get the blues by tom robbins 6 Alice adventures in wonder land by Lewis Carrol. 7 cat’s cradle by Kurt Vonnegut 8 Dune by frank herbert 9 buckaroo banzai by earl Mach rauch 10 Shibumi…
Poetry is the sparks of flint, of the human souls in conflict with eternity It is the effort and reward of ambiguity as a document for the living It is the simple act of investing in your life because other people are worth it
Cleaned 24 miniatures, assembled, repaired and glued to 28 mm bases yesterday. Today’s ambitions include priming them. And potentially painting a handful. Luna (my part bird) had a limp this morning. It has been worrying me most of the day trying to figure out how I can pay to take her tot he vet to get checked… but she doesn’t seem to be in pain and can still get around. I think what happened was…
Pirates of the Caribbean has a weird place in my life. It may be THE guilty pleasure of my obsessions. But, it’s hard to argue with the accidental brilliance of the first one or the train wreck of two and three… (though… they still are impressive pieces of production design and have interesting world building). They along the secret of monkey island are among my favorite pieces of media. Though I…
Spent most of the day reading playing at the world and now watching a supper bunny hop video inspired by that book talking about kriegspiel. Goals for the day?… make pixel art command tokens for grim metal bedlam. That is my first priority I also will post a poll on my mastodon asking if I should share rough rules (more design notes than anything) for grim metal bedlam. While this will serve no…
I am trying to make myself work on stuff more but struggle to get started in the morning. I thought I would ramble about emergent narrative and see if anything interesting came out. Emergent narrative is about choice players intemperate simple outcomes in context of each other and a story emerges from the filling in of the gaps of the narrative. What I struggle with is simplicity of a uniform…
Took several days off from stress and needing to recalibrate my sense of self. I am thinking of writing the last few days… maybe some short stories in the setting? Don’t know yet. The only thing holding me back is a feeling that it’s in vain all of it. The other reason when developing a setting when you share something it sets in stone to most readers when the best setting grew through iteration…
I have watched adventure time all the way through, once a year for more than half a decade. The playful way it deals with apocalyptic deeper themes in such a way that it is still pure whimsey fascinates me to no end. Yes the best episodes almost all have Simon and Marcy in them. Yes the ending was sort of rushed and falling apart at the seems (and it still works). It still holds up. Fin the human…
The air that is warm with your sweat flowers cursing casually innocent smile moist lips say does it feel wrong or feel true through this guilt, I feel empty and reviled there is a causality, the fragrance The wet soil, a flower rests in spring rain Though will it be chaos or repentance will we choose pleasure or live in the pain the tension in my hand's heavy breathing your eyes and words consent…
My uncle gave me three hundred old ral partha and grenadier miniatures yesterday day I spent most of the day going through the rows of doors of the containers and sorting them. Some old runquest miniatures and a lot of barbarians but some real quality stuff. Still waiting on some packages of some miniature I ordered. I am getting frustrated with how long it is taking them to ship. Though they…
Spent most of the day with Luna letting her fly around and just chilling with her. I have not accomplished very much on the artistic side of things today. Though I plan on painting some miniatures later today. Still got the end of days blues. And frustration that comes with that. Though trying to reactivate my prayer life and focus on the Lord our God as much as I can though… my thoughts have been…
Luna has been out and flying around for a hour today (I woke up and cleaned her cage then napped till about 12). I just put her back in her cage and came down to write a blog. I don’t think I want to talk about Armageddon today. What will be, will be. I been thinking about sharing some of the rules I been working on. Though I know I go through spontaneities bouts where I share works in progress…
Not been awake very much today. Sleeping for an hour or two and then letting Luna out of her cage to fly around, then rinse and repeat. I feel like harping on the apocalypse is getting to me. Though, I sincerely believe it could be the end (if not biblical then secular). Though some of my hallucinations line up with it a bit too much for my own comfort. I want to read some today and write some and…
I got really depressed over the process of having to live through the word ending. I think it started really getting to me so spent most of the day listening to music. Some days it feels like there is no point to sharing anything anymore. Almost afraid to talk about it because things are getting so iffy in my country. I kind of regret sharing the rules for storm crow so early it was more a Proof…
Storm crow: or, a glimmering in the dark. What you will need: 4-d6 and a D-20 dice, at least five dwarves models and at least ten goblins models. These should be about 28mm but as a grid based game doesn't really matter. A piece of paper for book keeping and a pencil. Setup: acquire a chess board and place on level surface. Take 4 d-6 and hold in a closed hand four inches above the chess board.…