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If I’m truly honest with myself, I’ve always had a predilection for addiction. I’ve always felt too much, and if I had to feel so deeply, I wanted it to be the high.
The thrill of the chase.
The excitement of a new love.
The all-powerful feeling of a drug.
The love for all of a drink.
The thrill of numbers coming in or the manic success of overwork and dopamine surge of endless creativity.
My lows get low, so I tried to keep my life perpetually high.
But that constant escape costs you physically, emotionally, and mentally. What comes up must come down, and it hits harder.
I’ve tried to live a more balanced life lately, but that obsessive need to feed on a high will always be there.
I will never judge anyone who seeks escapes, for I know there’s a hole they just haven’t figured out how to fill.
What drove mine? I’m still not sure. But I know the appeal of somewhere to hide. This song is about that feeling.
Somewhere To Hide
0:00
-4:09
(My lyrics/Suno music)
My life has been addictions,
obsessions with different names,
sometimes I’m sick with love,
other times I drank my shame,
I scrolled for endless hours,
overworked to pass the days,
every new affliction,
offering a brief escape.
Somewhere there was a bottle
that could throttle all the pain,
somewhere there was a high
that could quiet my brain,
somewhere there was a thrill,
a pill to numb the dark inside,
if I had a new obsession,
I had somewhere to hide.
Just wanted to somewhere to hide.
Somewhere. Somewhere.
Anywhere. But here.
The dopamine would hit,
the depression fade away,
I needed all of it,
just to face another day.
I can’t remember when,
this darkness took hold,
but I’ve been filled with dread,
since I was six years old.
It never felt like weakness,
just a high that I could chase,
It never felt like madness,
just a small way to erase,
the thoughts that wouldn’t stop,
the fears that wouldn’t quit,
I’d fill my life with noise,
just to silence all of it.
Somewhere there was a bottle
that could throttle all the pain,
somewhere there was a high
that could quiet my brain,
somewhere there was a thrill,
a pill to numb the dark inside,
if I had a new obsession,
I had somewhere to hide.
Just wanted to somewhere to hide.
Somewhere. Somewhere.
Anywhere. But here.
I lived just fast enough to crash,
to burn the good things down,
I tried to take it easy,
new temptations came around,
the shots they kept on coming,
because the burning numbed the pain,
I never had to face my reflection,
if I never stopped playing the game.
There was a hole in my soul,
and in it I would sink,
filled myself with every high,
that took me off the brink.
My mind would get so dark,
if left it to rule my heart,
so obsessions were distractions,
that could fill the empty parts.
In a bar you’re not alone,
just stay late, and don’t come home,
I poured a glass full,
so I wouldn’t feel empty,
the years didn’t add up,
but the highs were plenty,
it could’ve been a drug, a drink
a job, a man or a phone,
anything to stop the sobs,
anything but me alone.
When you feel too much,
the world needs a blinder,
I would chase that blurry girl,
wherever I could find her.
Somewhere there was a bottle
that could throttle all the pain,
somewhere there was a high
that could quiet my brain,
somewhere there was a thrill,
a pill to numb the dark inside,
if I had a new obsession,
I had somewhere to hide.
Just wanted to somewhere to hide.
Somewhere to hide.
Somewhere. Anywhere.
Anywhere.
But here.
Anywhere.
But there.
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About Mila
I’m Mila. A mother of two. A Creative Director by a day, a writer of plays, poetry, films and fiction every spare moment I can find. My dream at this not so young age is to make writing and teaching of writing not just my creative life but my working life. Every sub and paid sub helps me get there.
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A few custom pieces I’ve created for my Paid Subscribers. Put a lot of love in these to make them truly special for each person.
Help me produce more indie plays, films, fiction and poetry and create a stage and community for other artists.
Help me produce more indie plays, films, fiction and poetry and create a stage and community for other artists.
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